Twisted Paradise
by Firefury Amahira
Summary: Quite possibly the first and only comedy fanfic dealing with AFTER Seissouhen. Here's my contribution to curing Seissouhen Depression Syndrome! What are two ghosts with WAY too much free time to do? AT LAST! ACT 18 IS UP!
1. Act 1: The End?

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 1: The End? 

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin- not mine. 

Notes: Mwa ha ha. Here's my contribution to curing post-Seissouhen Depression Syndrome! I expect this is not going to have any particular plot, being that it will be a series of one-shots strung together. Expect some OOCness. But I think this should help some of us depressed authors out there! ****WARNING! CONTAINS SEISSOUHEN SPOILERS!****

"KAORU! KENSHIN!" Yahiko's voice cracked as he spotted the pair lying entirely too still among the sakura. His shout soon attracted the others, and in short order Tsubame, Kenji and Megumi joined him. Everyone held their breath, fearing the worst, but hoping for the best, while Megumi checked the two still figures. After a moment, the lady doctor shook her head.   
"They're both-" She started, unable to finish around a tightening in her throat. She didn't need to finish her sentence. Everyone knew what she meant. Kenshin and Kaoru had been reunited after so long, only to die in eachother's arms. 

Unknown to the living, they were being observed. The entire experiance of death hadn't been at all what anyone could have predicted. If anyone had asked, they would have been told that dying hadn't been any sort of horrible experiance, no judgement, no nothing. It would have been compared to falling asleep feeling weak and tired, and waking up shortly thereafter fully refreshed.   
"Do you think they'll be alright?"   
"I think so."   
"What should we do now-?"   
"Well...." A mischievious grin stole across the face of one of the two ghosts. "I think we should let them grieve for now, and go find out what we can do..."   
"Oro?"   
"Oh, come on, Shinta!" The spirit formerly known as Kaoru tugged on her companion's arm, dragging the redhead along. "I can already think of a few things we might be able to do, and there's more than a few people I wouldn't mind haunting!"   
"But Kaoru-dono! We only just died! Don't you think we should wait a little while-?" The spirit formerly known as Kenshin (but now known as Shinta, after all, ghosts can't be swordsmen!) tried to protest.   
"Wait for what? I don't think Kami's going to just appear and say 'Okay, now you two spirits can go wandering!'" Kaoru experimentally floated into the air, giggling at the experiance.   
"Oro..." Shinta watched as his wife waited impatiently for him. Momentarily forgetting that gravity no longer had any claim on him, he braced himself and leapt into the air. After all, all his previous experiance of 'flight' could be defined as 'jumping really high into the air to perform Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu'. Kaoru fell over laughing as her redheaded husband shot into the air and past her, at a much higher rate of speed than he must have been expecting, given the extended "Oroooooooooo!" that faded into the distance.   
After the redhead returned from his unexpectedly high flight, the two watched in slightly morbid fascination as the dead bodies were hauled off. Kenji and Yahiko both appeared ill at ease, glancing around.   
"Yahiko-kun..." Kenji glanced at the young man. "Something's not right..."   
Yahiko glanced over at the redheaded youth and nodded slightly. "It still feels like they're here?"   
Kenji nodded. "Maybe it's just my imagination..." 

Kaoru leaned against Shinta and watched her son and her student. "Shinta?"   
"Mm?" the redhead replied, his face currently in her hair as he cuddled her close.   
"If they can sense our presence... who else do you think could?"   
"I'm sure we'll find out." He murmured in her ear with a slight grin. He already had some interesting ideas of his own. "But I can immediately think of some people in Kyoto I'd like to try it out on..."   
Kaoru snickered. Who would have thought being dead could be so much fun? "After things are taken care of here, we can go have the time of our afterlives."   
"Mmhmm." Shinta replied, turning Kaoru to face him and giving her a brief kiss. 

Authors notes: Presenting the first in a series of one-shots... post-Seissouhen... and comedy, to boot! How much mayhem can two ghosts cause in Kyoto? Probably lots and lots and lots. And what about certain other dead folks? Tomoe? Shishio? Hrm? If our rurouni and his tanuki-onna are turned loose, wouldn't it be a safe bet that some other infamous dead guys are similiarly loose? All this and more will be answered in upcoming one-shots! Stay tuned! 


	2. Act 2: Shenanigans in Shanghai

**Twisted Paradise******

Act 2: Shenanigans in Shanghai 

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin- Still not mine. 

"Sagara Sanosuke, I swear, when we finally track you down..." Kaoru scowled as she and her also-dead husband overflew another forest. Being dead didn't particularly make long-distance travel any easier- it still took time, even if silly mortal concerns like food, water, and shelter were a non-issue.   
"Ano... I told you he was last in Shanghai..." Shinta sweatdropped. "That's where he got me on a boat back to Japan. He couldn't have gone too far, since that wasn't all that long ago."   
"..." Kaoru grumbled and the two changed their flight and headed for Shanghai.   
"... And it might be easier to find him on the ground, instead of from high in the air..." Shinta suggested. 

The two ghosts had opted to track down Sano first, since it was unlikely Kenji, Yahiko, or Megumi would be able to get word to him about what had happened, and... ah... let him know. However, they weren't having a whole lot of luck finding the ex-gangster. Though they'd been able to test their new abilities on random villagers, and found out some interesting things. For one, they could invade peoples dreams when they slept, which made communication a little easier, if more than a bit strange. Two, certain kinds of visual/vocal manifestations were achievable with some effort. The pair had startled the heck out of more than one person trying that out.   
Once they arrived in Shanghai, they split up to go question individual sleepers as to the whereabouts of the rooster.   
After awhile, the two ghosts regrouped, none the wiser as to Sano's whereabouts.   
"After all that-" Kaoru flung her arms in the arm in frustration. "-still nothing!"   
Shinta sweatdropped and let his wife rant some more when he felt a hand on his shoulder. That itself nearly startled him senseless, given his current ethreal status.   
"You're looking for Sanosuke?" A male voice behind him inquired. Kaoru stopped mid-rant and stared, and Shinta turned to face whomever had somehow spotted him.   
"Hai..." The redhead paled when he saw whom had approached him. Another ghost, clad in the Sekihoutai uniform.   
"You're the friends he's been worried about, aren't you?" The ghost inquired. "Himura Kenshin and... 'Jou-chan', right?"   
"... You're..." Shinta frowned, trying to place the name. "... the Sekihoutai captain he was with during the Bakumatsu?"   
The ghost nodded. "Sagara Souzou. I've kept an eye on Sanosuke ever since those days."   
"Then... you know where he is, right?" Kaoru shoved Shinta aside to address the Sekihoutai captain.   
"Yes... why are you looking for him?" Souzou raised an eyebrow.   
"Well, nobody else is going to be able to find him and tell him we're dead!" Kaoru exclaimed. "And I owe him a whack on the head for not coming back WITH Shinta."   
"Oro.... He couldn't just come back with me, Kaoru-" Shinta began. "If you could lead us to Sanosuke, Sagara-dono, we'd be extremely grateful."   
The Sekihoutai captain regarded the couple before him and nodded. "Just don't scare him too badly." He smiled and motioned for the two to follow him.   
Sano was to be found a short flight away on the outskirts of Shanghai, presently sprawled all over his makeshift bed, snoring loudly.   
"... Kami-sama!" Kaoru exclaimed, taking in the sight of the unshaven fighter. "Doesn't he know how to shave?"   
"I don't think it's been one of his priorities since he left Japan." Souzou noted with a smile. "I'll leave you three alone." Smiling, he disappeared.   
"... How come we can't do that-?" Kaoru raised an eyebrow.   
"Ano... He HAS been dead a lot longer than we have..." Shinta sat down near Sano and focused his efforts on rousting the sleeping rooster. Plunging the room temperature was hardly an effort, and focusing some of that, Shinta slipped the ethreal equivilent of an ice cube down Sano's shirt.   
With a yelp, Sano shot upright and looked around, wondering what the hell just touched him underneath his shirt, and was so damn COLD.   
Kaoru snickered at the reaction, and waited with Shinta while the rooster head concluded there was nobody in the area.   
"Damn... I feel like I'm being watched." Sano grumbled as he flopped back down to go back to sleep.   
"Maybe because you are?" Kaoru grinned, making sure she was heard. She muffled a laugh as Sano shot upright again, looking around, his tan face having gone a few shades lighter.   
"Who's there?!" Sano demanded.   
"Yare, yare... calm down, Sanosuke!" Shinta grinned.   
"Ke-KENSHIN!?" Sano looked around, recognizing the voice, but not believing it.   
"Baka!" Kaoru focused her spiritual will and flung a small rock at Sano. "He's Shinta now!"   
"JOU-CHAN?!" Sano yelped as the rock hit him upside the head.   
"Oro... Kaoru-dono... you didn't need to hit him." Shinta sweatdropped and glanced at the decidedly freaked out Sano.   
"... Okay, somebody explain what's going on?" Sano rubbed the sore spot on his head. "I think I drank too much."   
"No, you're not hearing things, Sano. Kaoru-dono and I are both here." Shinta began to explain.   
"Then show yourself and stop hiding!" Sano demanded. "What the hell is Jou-chan doing here? What are you doing here? I saw you leave on that boat!"   
"We're dead." Kaoru stated flatly. Sano went quite a bit whiter at that comment.   
Much to Sano's disbelief, two forms materialized into view. Kaoru first, then Kenshin, looking like he'd never even been sick. To his credit, Sano didn't faint dead away with shock like he thought he would, but he was pretty sure he broke the sound barrier when his jaw hit the floor.   
"K-k-k" He stammered instead.   
"It's okay, Sano." Kaoru grinned. "We're both fine."   
"Kaoru-dono's right." Shinta added, since Sano didn't seem like he was going to be adding much to the conversation. "I wanted to thank you for getting me back to Japan in time."   
Kaoru smiled and put an arm around Shinta's shoulders. "If you hadn't found him, Sano, he wouldn't have been able to return to me in time. We barely made it as it was."   
"D-d-dead?" Sano obviously was not quite up to speed with the entire conversation.   
"Oh, and just so you know, Sano, Megumi's in Tokyo right now, and she still hasn't found any man she wants..." Kaoru grinned and disappeared. "Sayonara, Sano!"   
Shinta smiled at the dumbstruck form of his friend. "There aren't enough words to describe how grateful I am to you, Sanosuke. Thank you so much. And Kaoru-dono's right. Megumi-dono still hasn't married..." While Sano continued to stare, he also disappeared. "Don't worry about us, either. We're quite happy together. Sayonara, Sanosuke!"   
The two ghosts watched with amused grins as Sano tried to comprehend what the hell just happened. Souzou rejoined them and watched as the rooster looked around, trying to figure out what he'd witnessed.   
"... 'Sayonara' my ass!" Sano shouted. "You're still hanging around, I can feel it!"   
His only answer was what sounded to be faint laughter. But that might have only been the wind...   
"Hmph." With a grunt, the rooster laid back down and closed his eyes. "I definately drank too much." 

Author's Notes: So now that Sano's been visited, what next? Suggestions are welcome, minna-san! I've got some great ideas for when they head to Kyoto, and possibly a return visit to Tokyo once the rest of the Kenshin-gumi has had time to grieve the 'loss' of their beloved rurouni and tanuki. Read and review, onegai! 


	3. Act 3: Chaos in Kyoto: Part One

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 3: Chaos in Kyoto- Part One 

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin- still not mine, in spite of wishing for it. 

Notes: You guys think it's weird seeing Kenshin being called by his real name? You wouldn't believe how many times I've typed in 'Kenshin' while writing this, and had to backtrack and put 'Shinta' in instead. Arigatou to everyone who's reviewed so far, and thanks for the suggestions! I've already got ideas for dealing with Hiko, Saitou (haven't given much thought to Soujiro yet... I should do that, thanks for pointing out the idea, minna!), and the iceberg and Misao. I've also got some ideas involving Tomoe and Kaoru, so stay tuned. There's a "Part One" tagged onto the chapter title for a reason =p Also- this chapter was written while running on 2 hours of sleep and after a long day working at the go-kart races. So expect it to be a tad more cracked than normal! Warning- a couple of **really** bad sword jokes at our redheaded rurouni's expense! 

Two ghosts strolled unseen through the streets of Kyoto, discussing rather heatedly their plans for the near future.   
"I want to see how Misao an' Aoshi-san are doing!" Kaoru insisted.   
"Wouldn't it be better if we wait to visit them? Until after they hear we died from the others?" Shinta protested. "I'd like to visit shishou first, anyway."   
"This coming from the rurouni who spent the ENTIRE FLIGHT back from Shanghai whining about giving Saitou-baka the scare of a lifetime, and plotting all sorts of unpleasant pranks to pull on him. And now you want to go see Hiko instead?" Kaoru turned an exasperated glare on her redheaded hubby.   
"Well I don't think I'm good enough at levitating objects yet!" Shinta sweatdropped. "When we go after him, I want it to be perfect!"   
"Hai, hai. And you want to be able to mess with the lighting, shut and bar the doors and windows..." Kaoru rolled her eyes at the rurouni as she counted off some of his other plans. "Sagara-san was nice. We ought to go visit with him again, and see about talking to Sano when he's totally sober."   
The life-impaired couple continued down the street, and passed through a cemetery. A pale hand reached from behind a particular gravestone and caught Shinta by the ponytail, resulting in his falling over backwards.   
"Oro!"   
"Nani-?" Kaoru turned around and nearly gasped.   
Standing over Shinta's swirly-eyed form was a raven-haired woman in a pale kimono, wearing a purple sash.   
"Himura Kaoru, correct?" The pale-faced woman inquired. Kaoru nodded slowly, trying to place the description. Obviously the woman was similarly life-challenged.   
"And you are-?" Kaoru inquired as Shinta recovered and stood back up, his eyes going wide in surprise.   
"Tomoe-?!" The redhead's jaw almost audibly hit the ground. The women nodded and smiled.   
"It's been awhile, Kenshin." She smiled. She turned to address Kaoru. "So we finally meet, Kaoru-san. You look well, both of you."   
"Ano... Tomoe-san..." Shinta sweatdropped profusely, a sense of impending doom falling upon him. "We're both... ah.... dead."   
"I know. I was hoping to speak with Kaoru-san." Tomoe calmly stated.   
"Ano... Tomoe-san, I can explain-" Shinta squeaked.   
"Don't worry, anata." Tomoe briefly stroked the rurouni's formerly scarred left cheek. "I'm not upset about your falling in love with another woman. You two were meant to be, you and I could have been, but..." She left the sentence unfinished.   
Kaoru looked fairly ill at ease. After all, what does one say when meeting the ghost of your husband's first wife?   
"Kenshin, if you'd leave Kaoru-san and I alone for a little while-?" Tomoe asked.   
"Tomoe-san..." Shinta seemed just as flabbergasted as Kaoru, if not more.   
"... Shinta..." Kaoru turned demon eyes on the stammering rurouni. "Shoo! Go visit Hiko or something. If Tomoe-san wants to talk to me, she has every right to."   
"Oro!"   
Tomoe raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar name. The redhead had always been Himura Kenshin, the Battousai, to her. Where'd this 'Shinta' moniker come from? Shinta sulked off, wondering just what his two wives would talk about, and knowing, dreading, that it would have to do with him. 

Kaoru's worries were quickly and oddly put to rest as Tomoe began the conversation.   
"... Does he still sleepwalk and 'mysteriously' end up clinging to places that are off-limits?" The raven-haired woman inquired seriously.   
Kaoru fell over. "He did... once. A few whacks with my bokken and that stopped ... But he snores."   
It was Tomoe's turn to look surprised. "He snores now?"   
"Hai. And for awhile he had an obsession with the laundry..." Kaoru continued, sensing the direction the conversation was inevitably going to take.   
"... Did you keep track of your undergarments?" Tomoe queried.   
"Well... I think some of them went miss...ing..." Kaoru's eyes widened. "No..."   
"Hai." Tomoe nodded as Kaoru turned an interesting shade of red. "When we were living together on the outskirts of Kyoto, he took up the laundry. With a passion. He had the worst underkimono fetish. Nearly half of mine went missing, and I later found them hidden with his things.   
Kaoru fumed. "That hentai!"   
Soon the conversation dropped nearly all pretense of seriousness, and the two began comparing notes in earnest.   
"He was always flirting with Megumi! I swear, she'd bat her eyes at him, and cling to him and call him her 'Ken-san', and he'd just sit there 'oro'ing like an idiot!"   
"One time he decided to find a more practical application of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu- cooking dinner! The kitchen was a disaster after that!" Tomoe threw her hands in the air in frustration, describing the sight of a stupefied Battousai standing amid a thoroughly TRASHED kitchen, a pair of neatly prepared bowls of rice the only thing not shredded and thrown about like a typhoon had hit. "The rice was excellent, but it took DAYS to clean up the mess!"   
"Did you ever meet his master? Hiko? I swear, the man is the most arrogant, pig-headed, egotistical..." Kaoru fumed. "'What's my baka desshi been up to?' He was always insulting his ONLY student! I wish I got the chance just ONCE to bash something hard over his head!"   
"On our 'wedding night', he insisted his swords be kept IN BED with us! Like some sort of security blanket! Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to share a bed with him, and two long bits of cold pointy metal? And he had the nerve to complain that I had cold feet!" Tomoe scowled. "I finally had to threaten to hit him over the head with the damn things before he set them off to the side!"   
"That's nothing! He kept his sakabatou in bed with us on the wedding night, and on top of that..." Kaoru sweatdropped at the recollection. "He 'oro's when lovemaking!"   
Tomoe fell over as Kaoru continued. "I mean, he was GREAT, bit still! What a way to ruin the moment! 'Oh, Kenshin!' 'Oro!' Where in Kami's name did 'oro' come from anyway? Did he use it when you two were together?"   
Tomoe shook her head slightly. "I'm not sure where oro came from. He was great in bed, but it was more than a little weird. Possibly weirder than your oro story."   
Kaoru raised both eyebrows at that declaration. "Weirder than that?"   
"Hai." Tomoe nodded sagely. "You know what they say about swords, ne?"   
Kaoru nodded, having a sinking feeling about where Tomoe was going with this story.   
"And that Kenshin's skilled in Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu?"   
Another nod. The redhead had mastered it, and Kaoru waited with a growing sweatdrop for Tomoe to finish her explanation.   
"... In short, Kaoru-san, you try making love when he's shouting 'Ryu Tsui Sen!'." Tomoe sweatdropped at that particular recollection. "I'll admit, the end result was certainly amazing, but more than a little disconcerting, given who he was at the time and what he'd been doing."   
Kaoru fell over backwards. "He didn't!"   
"He did."   
And so, the Himura's Wives Club shared many many more jokes and laughs at the redhead's expense. 

Elsewhere, Shinta sneezed as he approached the secluded cabin where Hiko resided... 

To be continued! 

Author's notes: I TOLD you this was going to be cracked. It's almost midnight, I've been up since 4:30 am, only had two hours of sleep, and worked my tail end off! Tomoe is pretty far out of character, I think, but then again, she's been dead for awhile. That's got to count for something. I may go back at a later date and add more to this chapter, or have the two women chat some more and go into more detail in a future one. I blame the "oro during sex" crack on my younger sister! (Though I take full responsibility for the rest.) Next up... The baka desshi's ghost confronts the 13th Master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Expect more madness to ensue! And what plan is our sweet, mild-mannered rurouni cooking up for Mibu's Wolf? Stay tuned! 


	4. Act 4: Chaos in Kyoto: Part Two

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 4: Chaos in Kyoto- Part Two 

Disclaimer: If you think I own Rurouni Kenshin, yer crazier than I am! 

Notes: Arigatou for all the reviews, minna-san! J.Liha-san, I'm imagining this in my head as the anime art style, myself ^o^ (I imagine the entire thing animated, and write it down! Mwa ha!) Dementedchris-sensei- I'm thinking Tomoe should be glad that Kenshin didn't know the ougi when they were together. >=D (Kenshin may be so sweet and mild-mannered, but he IS still a male =p) Kori Suketchi-san- thanks for all your reviews =) JML- I know I'm scary at times! *evil laughter* I wanted to do something different! Very different! I'm dedicating this chapter to all the Hiko lovers out there! =p 

Hiko Seijuro sat on a log before his kiln, carefully applying the finishing touches to a vase. It'd been so much more peaceful since Yahiko had retrieved his baka deshi's son.   
Though the big man would never admit it, he was wondering how his redheaded student was faring. The rurouni's son Kenji had only contempt for his father, for leaving his mother so often, for having been a great swordsman, though his son had never seen any of it- he had only been a tiny child the last time Kenshin had used his sakabatou.   
Hiko smirked, recalling Kenji's arrival and desire to learn Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. He'd never actually agreed to teach the boy, and only gave him the basics of swordsmanship. He'd already chosen not to pass the style on to anyone else shortly after Kenshin had learned the succession technique. Years after that choice, he still didn't regret it.   
A chill wind suddenly blasted through the clearing, thoroughly getting dust and grit in the glaze of the vase. With a muted curse, Hiko got up to wash the vase off and reapply the glaze. He stopped, his back turned to the overgrown trail leading to the cabin.   
"...So you're back, baka deshi?" Hiko inquired, not turning around, trusting his senses which told him that his baka deshi was standing in the overgrowth on the trail behind him. "Now what are you here to bother me with?"   
Shinta blinked, surprised that the thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu was so easily aware of him. He opted to keep himself hidden, wondering with a slight grin how his shishou would react.   
"Well? You ought to know you can't sneak up on me, baka deshi." Hiko turned to face the redhead... only to find the redhead not there. He quickly scanned the trees and other likely hiding places. Something was extremely not right with the situation. He felt his baka deshi's ki coming from the edge of the clearing, and approaching, but there was not a single sign of the rurouni.   
Shinta strolled right up in front of Hiko, starting to enjoy the confused look on the big man's face. It wasn't often someone was able to the better of the guy, and Shinta still owed his shishou for all the insults and jokes at his expense. Unseen, the rurouni grinned and waved a hand in front of Hiko, making sure that he didn't somehow have a way to see the ghost. When Hiko gave no indication of the motion, Shinta grinned and stole around behind him.   
Hiko briefly considered the possibility of having had too much sake, but decided to himself that was impossible. He also considered the possibility of having gone insane, but laughed that one off.   
"I must be imagining things. Hmph." Hiko was about to take a step forward to resume cleaning off the vase, when something held his big white cloak fast and he was yanked backwards.   
Shinta couldn't help but grin as he focused himself on yanking his shishou's cape back. He always thought it looked goofy, and just the sight of Hiko windmilling his arms to try and regain his balance and falling over anyway was worth dying for. The vase went flying, but Shinta cushioned its fall, so that when Hiko, red in the face, stood back up, he found the ceramic project amazingly in one piece, set upright on the log, as if mocking him.   
Hiko was Not Happy. True, it's perfectly human to stumble over something every now and then. But someone had GRABBED his cloak and yanked him down. And he could still sense his baka deshi.   
"Baka deshi! I know you're here!" The big guy scowled. It wasn't like Kenshin to be so sneaky. Had his baka deshi somehow found a way to move so fast that not even his shishou could see him? He thought he heard some muted snickering, and tried to locate the source. "Come out of hiding!"   
Shinta retreated toward the river, almost in hysterics. Who would have thought picking on the almighty Hiko Seijuro would be so fun? He almost wished Kaoru was there to enjoy it, and remembered that Kaoru was talking with Tomoe...   
"Oro..."   
Hiko grumbled and poured himself some sake, trying to figure out was the heck was going on. To say he was annoyed would be like saying Hiten Misturugi Ryuu is powerful. It's the truth, but completely misses the scale of the thing. There weren't that many ways the strange occurrence could be explained. His cape hadn't snagged on anything- there was nothing to snag it on. He hadn't stepped on it and tripped himself- the last time he had done that was well before he'd taken Kenshin in. And there was nothing short of going insane or drinking entirely too much to explain why it felt like his baka deshi was present, when he was nowhere to be found.   
Hiko continued to mull over the bizarre events of the day while he went to the river for some water and to check his fish traps. He looked at his reflection in the water, and spun around to deck his baka deshi when he saw the redhead reflected in the water with both hands placed behind Hiko's head, lending the appearance of bunny ears.   
Shinta fell over laughing at the look on his shishou's face when the big guy spun around, intending to nail him, and found nothing but thin air. Hiko, really confused now, looked back at the water, seeing only his own face reflected back at him. It might have been the wind, but he almost thought he heard his baka deshi's voice raised in hysterical laughter. Hiko Seijuro did not like being laughed at. It was his job to laugh at his baka desshi, not the other way around.   
Hiko returned to his cabin and put the fish to cook. A twig snapped and Hiko glanced in that direction, sensing another person's approach.   
Shinomori Aoshi stepped into the clearing, ice blue eyes quickly spotting the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu master.   
"What do you want?" Hiko raised an eyebrow at the former Oniwabanshu okashira. "I'm not in the mood for company."   
"I have a letter from the Kamiya dojo. It arrived at the Aoiya with instructions to deliver it to you." Aoshi withdrew an envelope from his trenchcoat and handed it to Hiko. Shinta studied Aoshi, confused. He'd delivered the letter, why hadn't he left yet?   
"You can go now." Hiko waved Aoshi off and opened the letter.   
"... I was also instructed to retrieve a vase for Misao." Shinta couldn't be certain, but he thought he caught a trace of a blush on Aoshi's face at mention of the girl.   
"Why didn't she come get it herself?" Hiko raised an eyebrow. The spunky young woman was certainly capable of scaling the mountain trail herself- she'd done it before to commission and retrieve vases and such from him.   
"... The climb is too rough for her in her current condition." Aoshi stated simply after a long, awkward silence.   
_Current condition?_ Shinta thought to himself. _Is Misao-dono ill?_   
"'Current condition'?" Hiko set the letter down and retrieved the vase Misao had commissioned.   
"Hai." Aoshi nodded slightly, not elaborating. Shinta was certain now that the Oniwabanshu member was blushing.   
"... You knocked her up again, didn't you?" Hiko stated bluntly, handing over a white vase with a sakura design painted on it.   
Shinta fell over. _'AGAIN'?!_   
"....... Hai." Aoshi admitted after a much longer awkward silence. "Kumiko-chan is looking forward to having a baby brother or sister."   
Hiko nodded slightly as Aoshi took the vase and left. Shinta tried and failed to picture Aoshi and Misao with a child... a daughter, no less.   
"So let's see what my baka deshi's wife has to say..." Hiko murmured and unfolded the letter. Shinta peered over Hiko's shoulder and read it as well.   
"Dear Hiko-san..." Hiko frowned. It felt like someone was reading over his shoulder. Rather, it felt like his baka desshi was reading over his shoulder. "Kenshin returned to Japan recently, and was reunited with Kaoru, who was at the time extremely ill.   
Kenshin passed away, as did Kaoru. The rest of us are holding up relatively well, given the loss of the pair-" Hiko dropped the letter. His baka deshi, whom he'd just been accusing of yanking his cape and bothering him... dead? Before him?   
Shinta smiled slightly. Hiko was obviously upset or unnerved by the news, and the redhead couldn't blame the arrogant man. After his parents had died, Hiko had become almost a surrogate father to him, and despite the insults and jokes, Hiko had treated him like a son.   
"... He can't do anything right." Hiko grumbled in a low voice, an obvious mask for a much more serious emotion. "The thirteenth master is supposed to die before the fourteenth. Baka deshi."   
Hiko retrieved his jug of sake, and took a swig right from the bottle, rather than pour it. Tentatively, he picked the letter back up and skimmed the rest of the short note. Kenji hadn't taken the death of both his parents very well and had slipped into a severe depression, and Yahiko had taken over running the dojo and teaching the Kamiya Kasshin style.   
After taking another swig from the sake jug, Hiko glanced around again, still sensing the redhead's presence.   
"Baka deshi! I know you're here now, in spirit if not in body." He declared, working to keep his voice level. "Get out of here and go bother your family!"   
Shinta grinned and decided the gig was up. Hiko did have a very good point. Kenji would need time to grieve, but he did also need his family.   
"I am." Shinta replied. "I wanted to visit the man who raised me one last time."   
Hiko visibly jumped at the sound of his baka deshi's voice, and nearly turned as white as his cape (but not quite) when the redhead appeared.   
"Kenshin-??" Hiko was surprised he could still use his voice. (Not that he would admit it to anyone.)   
"Hai, shishou." Shinta smiled and gestured to his left side. "Demo, you said that was a name for a swordsman, and I'm not anymore."   
Hiko watched the redhead for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell to say. "... Alright then, Shinta-" He started, emphasizing the name. "-go back to your wife and kid, then." He turned his back on the phantom and felt the presence fading.   
"Arigatou, shishou." Shinta smiled at the gruff man as he left. "Sayonara."   
After the redhead had disappeared, Hiko sat heavily down on his log, contemplated his sake jug, and downed what was left.   
"I didn't honestly think his spirit was hanging around.... I thought I was losing it." 

Author's Notes: *snicker* This chapter is much saner than the last one, I think. ^o^ Hiko's a hard character to write, actually o.o; Would you people believe that I banged out the first two chapters in about an hour, the third chapter in about 20 minutes, and this one took me upwards of 5 hours? Next time- Chaos in Kyoto is put on hold as our ghosts make a trip back to Tokyo to help Kenji and the others cope with their loss, if they can. Or maybe I'll go see what else Kaoru and Tomoe are talking about. Not sure yet.   
Also, I think, for a comedy piece, there's actually some seriousness buried in it. Y'notice? (Except maybe for chapter 3. I don't think there was any seriousness in there. Can you guys picture Kenshin trying to apply Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu to COOKING?)   
Until next time, minna-san! Comments are appreciated! 


	5. Act 5: The Himura Wives Club: Part Two

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 5: The Himura Wives Club- Part Two 

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is still not mine. I'm just borrowing the cast for my own evil and twisted purposes. I promise to return them when I'm done! Honest! 

Notes: Gomen for the delay between this and Act 4! I hit a brief dry spell, then read some of Talaco's fics, and realized my mission to cure Seissouhen Depression Syndrome is not yet over! *holds her pen up dramatically* I will emerge victorious against this overwhelming angst, that I will! *ducks a few bricks from friends* As for Shinta's reaction to finding out Kenji's depressed, well, the kid just lost both his parents. It's not unlikely for him to be badly depressed. But don't worry, the next chapter will deal, at least, in part, with that. This chapter will help break some of the seriousness from Act 4, then we'll have Act 6 back in Tokyo and be somewhat serious, and then we return to chaos in Kyoto! Aoshi with a daughter? What is this Kumiko-chan like? Mwa ha. Anyways! Back to the fun! 

"Ne, Tomoe-san, are you really not jealous at all?" Kaoru inquired. The two women floated comfortably in the skies above Kyoto, comparing notes about the redheaded rurouni they shared.   
"I'm perfectly content with it. After all, I have a baby brother to watch out for, and I've been reunited with my fiancee." The older ghost smiled. "Did Kenshin ever tell you about that?"   
"Well, he did tell me about you, but he didn't go into much detail about anything else." Kaoru listened to the bustle and activity in the city below.   
"Before I met Kenshin, I was engaged." Tomoe grinned at the recollection. "But Akira-san was killed before we were wed. He gave Kenshin the first half of his scar."   
Kaoru nodded slightly. It was one of the brief, semi-serious lulls in the conversation the two had been having. Several unlikely secrets about the poor redhead had been shared, as well as many laughs at his expense.   
"I don't see why he was the only one who liked my cooking." Kaoru scowled. "Everyone else called it toxic, nasty, slow torture...."   
"Ano... have you ever tried HIS cooking?" Tomoe raised an eyebrow.   
"Hai. They all liked HIS better than mine." Kaoru pouted, crossing her arms. After a moment, she glanced at Tomoe, who had a rather surprised expression on her face.   
"No offense, but your cooking must have been extremely terrible for anyone to prefer Kenshin's over it." Tomoe stated.   
"Eh?" It was Kaoru's turn to look surprised. "Shinta's cooking is excellent compared to mine. Everyone liked it."   
"It's just... when we were together..." Tomoe made a disgusted face. "He tried to cook before the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu incident in the kitchen... and I swear it was the most disgusting thing I had ever tasted. He had dumped nearly all the spices into it."   
Kaoru stared, trying to comprehend this new bit of insight. Her rurouni hadn't been able to cook? Unbelievable!   
"I had to teach him how to do it properly, since he insisted on helping around the house so much." Tomoe smiled slightly. "And that led up to his thinking that Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu would help him cook even better."   
Kaoru chuckled. In spite of Tomoe describing the scene, she still had a hard time picturing a positively stupefied Kenshin in the middle of a trashed kitchen.   
"Actually, Kaoru-san-" Tomoe began with a slight grin. "When my baby brother captured you, I was concerned for his safety when he ate your cooking."   
One well-placed punt later, Tomoe kissed dirt. "My cooking is not THAT bad!" Kaoru flailed overhead. Tomoe floated back up a moment later, sporting a large sweatdrop at the raccoon girl's reaction. "Ano, Kaoru-san, that was supposed to be a joke."   
"Oh. Gomen nasai." Kaoru looked sheepish.   
"I've been wondering, Kaoru-san." Tomoe picked up the conversation again. "Kenshin and I weren't together long enough for an anniversary. How was he about those?"   
Kaoru's eyebrow twitched. "He was fine at first. Romantic dinner, some nice little present, excellent night in bed.... even with the oro..."   
The two girls giggled again at that.   
"... But then he started to forget, and make up bad excuses. Or he would be out wandering. One time he got our anniversary and my birthday mixed up!" Kaoru sweatdropped. "In spite of how meek he always acts, the man is a raging pervert!"   
"Tell me something I don't know." Tomoe raised an eyebrow. "He 'accidentally' ran into the bathhouse on me at least a dozen times-"   
"THAT HENTAI DID THAT TO ME WHEN WE FIRST MET!" Kaoru shouted in surprise. "Shinta wa hentai baka!" She flailed.   
"Believe me. It wasn't accidental in the least." Tomoe sighed.   
"I lost count of how many times he's run into the bath on me." Kaoru scowled. "I wonder if that's something ELSE Hiko taught him."   
The two briefly imagined Hiko showing his baka desshi the best way to run in on a naked woman and get away with it.   
".. I wonder if Hiko also taught him all those interesting tricks for in bed...?" Tomoe pondered aloud. Kaoru paled.   
"Shinta told me that Hiko's method of teaching would be to demonstrate the maneuver, and have him do it right after..."   
Both women turned several shades greener at the implications.   
While finding the ground below very interesting, Kaoru spotted a familiar pair of faces in the crowds below.   
"Hey! There's Misao-chan! And Aoshi-!" Kaoru studied the pair.   
"Friends?" Tomoe asked.   
"Well, yes for Misao, and not quite with Aoshi." Kaoru noted. "Wow, Misao put on a lot of weight..."   
"She looks pregnant to me." Tomoe observed.   
"And who's that little girl on Aoshi's shoulders?" Kaoru wondered before making the most logical assumption. "Kawaii!!!! Misao must have finally gotten through to Aoshi!"   
The two ghosts followed overhead as the couple reached the outskirts of Kyoto.   
"Hurry back, Aoshi!" Misao took the little raven-haired girl off the former Oniwabanshu's shoulder. "And don't forget the vase!"   
"I won't." Aoshi replied flatly, bending over to give Misao a brief kiss on the cheek.   
"'Tousan! Don't forget me!" The chibi waved happily. Aoshi obliged the little one with a brief kiss to the forehead.   
"You behave for your okaasan, Kumiko-chan." Aoshi told the girl. Kaoru was fairly certain hell must have frozen over.   
"Hai! Come back soon, 'tousan!" Kumiko waved.   
The two ghosts watched from afar, both grinning.   
"How adorable!" Kaoru cooed. "Such a cute little girl! And she's Aoshi's-!"   
"Children are so lovely." Tomoe sighed. "So innocent, so adorable!"   
"Hai." Kaoru nodded. "Kenji was the cutest little boy when he was that young. He looks so much like his father!"   
"I wonder what Kenshin looked like when he was little-?" Tomoe wondered.   
"Probably even more adorable than he is now!" Kaoru crowed. "Except in bed, it's so cute when he oros!"   
Tomoe smiled slightly and nodded. "I wonder why he stopped shouting in bed-?"   
Kaoru shrugged. "It's probably a good thing he stopped that when we were married." She chuckled. "I might have mistaken it for an attack and blocked it with my bokken simply out of reflex."   
"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu or not, that would probably damage his 'sword' badly." Tomoe grinned.   
"And where would Kenji have been then?" Kaoru burst into laughter. "His father's 'oro' would have gotten a LOT higher pitched then!"   
"On the topic of Kenshin's femininity..." Tomoe giggled. "Did I tell you how I got my revenge on him for making off with my underkimonos?"   
"No, you didn't." Kaoru grinned. "What did you do to him?"   
"Well, first, I got him soundly asleep. A good long night in bed will do that. Second, I took all his clothes and hid them. So the next morning, he woke up wearing nothing, and with nothing to wear." Tomoe grinned wickedly. "His options were either to send me into town by myself to get some new clothes, or wear some of mine and go with me."   
"He didn't!" Kaoru clamped both hands over her mouth to stifle her giggles.   
"He did." Tomoe smiled triumphantly. "And I suggested that instead of just wearing one of my kimonos, to keep from being recognized, I offered to do his hair and everything! He was already so embarrassed by the situation that he was like putty in my hands!"   
Kaoru nearly fell over laughing.   
"He made such a cute girl, I'll have you know, Kaoru-san." Tomoe smiled. "No one recognized him as the Battousai in one of my kimonos, and with makeup covering his scar, and that wonderful red hair of his done up in such cute little odangos!"   
Kaoru fell over, howling with laughter. "You actually did his HAIR, too, Tomoe-san??"   
Tomoe nodded. "Several of the men in town hit on him, he was so cute! He turned redder than his hair, I swear!"   
"And he didn't attack anybody?" Kaoru snickered.   
"I made sure he had no way to." Tomoe grinned. "The most uncomfortable shoes I had, and he couldn't carry his swords, and I made sure his obi was nice and tight! He could hardly WALK, let alone perform Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu!"   
The two women howled with laughter at the recollection and mental image.   
It was beginning to get dark by now, and the redhead had yet to return.   
"He's sure taking his time bothering Hiko. Maybe we should go check on him..." Kaoru paced.   
"Well, I would love to, Kaoru-san, but I have other plans tonight." Tomoe smiled as another ghost appeared by her side.   
"Nani-?" Kaoru looked at the new arrival. A young man, a little taller than Tomoe.   
"Kaoru-san, I'd like you to meet my fiancee, Akira-san." Tomoe introduced the newcomer. "Anata, this is Kaoru-san, Kenshin's wife."   
Kaoru nodded, briefly wondering if this man held any hatred toward Shinta for killing him.   
"So you married that guy?" Akira raised an eyebrow, smiling. "Well, Tomoe and I have a long night ahead of us to go check up on her brother. When you see that guy, tell him he was one hell of a swordsman, would you?"   
Tomoe nodded agreement. "He did so much..."   
Kaoru was mildly stunned, to say the least. "I would have thought-"   
"That I'd be ticked that he killed me?" Akira interrupted. "Nah. It was my own damn fault getting involved in the entire mess. At least he made it fairly quick. Besides, he put himself through worse than any revenge I could think of. Anyway, we need to get going if we intend to track Enishi-kun down before sunrise."   
Tomoe nodded again, embracing Akira. "Enishi never did quite recover from my being killed. Someone needs to look after him."   
Kaoru smiled slightly as the couple floated into the air. "I suppose it wasn't so much that Enishi was insane, as it was that you really were there?"   
Tomoe nodded once more and the two ghosts disappeared. Kaoru smiled to herself and headed in the direction of Hiko's cabin to find Shinta. 

Author's notes: Not nearly as insane as the first half of their conversation, is it? Since Tomoe's fiancee has virtually no screen time in the first OAV, the details of his personality are largely left wide open. Coupled with the fact he's been dead even longer than Tomoe, I'd like to think he'd have gotten over what had happened in the past.   
Anyways, next up! The return to Tokyo! How badly depressed IS Kenji? What about Yahiko and Megumi? What will become of the dojo? How will anyone react to our resident ghosts showing up? I have no idea! All this and more in the next act of Twisted Paradise! *waves* 


	6. Act 6: Trouble in Tokyo

**Twisted Paradise******

Act 6: Trouble in Tokyo 

Disclaimer: Okay, so I'm still borrowing the cast for my twisted purposes. But I don't own them! If anything, the companies that own the rights to Rurouni Kenshin have made money off me! Do you have any idea how expensive artbooks and stuff can get? @_@ Waaaugh. There was a sakabatou up on Ebay, but it went out of my price range ;_; 

Notes: I better watch myself or I'll need to change the genre to like, Humor/Angst or something like that o.O Which would really be counter-productive to curing Seissouhen Depression Syndrome. Hrm. I expect this chapter to be much more serious, with some action. Gomen, but I think the humor this time around is mostly limited to the wording of some lines. But don't worry! The humor is not dead! I mean, honestly! You think I'd abandon my weirdness just to cure Kenji-kun's depression? Major note for this chapter- it's another one written on two hours sleep, after a long day, and late at night. Unlike Chaos in Kyoto- Part One, however, I think the sleep deprivation is working in the opposite direction. This chapter may even be slightly a tear-jerker. (Or I'm just a major lump of mush when I'm overtired.) In any case, you may want a tissue on hand, just in case. But it won't be sad tears, I promise! It might even be happy ones! Or something! 

"Shinta, what happened to visiting Misao and Aoshi? They have a daughter!" Kaoru protested the pair's rather abrupt departure from Kyoto. "Are you sure that's what the letter to Hiko said?"   
"Hai, Kaoru-dono." Shinta replied quickly as the two made the flight from Kyoto to Tokyo. "We left him with several unresolved issues, that we did. It would be unfair to Kenji to go off and play games and pranks while he's suffering."   
Kaoru sighed, and smiled. The redhead did have a point. It was actually rather odd that she hadn't been particularly concerned. Possibly a side-effect of being dead? "It has been a few weeks, hasn't it?"   
"Not just that." The rurouni replied, his slight frame taut with tension. "I have a feeling Kenji's going to require some help, and soon."   
That caught Kaoru by surprise. "Something's wrong?"   
"Hai." Shinta nodded slightly. "Hopefully we'll be able to assist. Assuming we get there in time!"   
The pair shot off into the distance, spurred on by some unknown urgency. 

---

Kenji sighed and studied the two graves he was kneeling before, his father's sakabatou propped up against one shoulder. Suddenly he was the man of the house, so to speak, empty as it was. He'd hurried home from Kyoto, hurried back to his mother, and even then, he hadn't been able to properly say goodbye. And his father, a man he had hardly known, was already dead when he'd been found. Yahiko and Tsubame had moved into the dojo, at least temporarily, to help Kenji out. With Kaoru gone, Yahiko was left as the only master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu, and he'd taken up teaching.   
"Otousan... why?" Kenji whispered to the quiet evening. He partly unsheathed the sakabatou and studied the blade. "Yahiko-san tried to show me your strength, but I still don't understand. I never knew you, and despised you for what you did to okaasan, but..."   
Kenji was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard someone approach. He wiped his eyes on his gi and glanced over his shoulder to see who it was. A young woman, likely no older than he was, her long black hair neatly tied back, her kimono slightly sullied around the edges from walking down the muddy pathway.   
"Gomen, I didn't mean to interrupt." She hastily bowed and apologized.   
"It's all right." Kenji replied flatly. He felt the girl's gaze wandering up and down his lean frame and fought the urge to blush at the scrutiny. Why, oh why did he have to inherit his father's extremely petite frame?   
"You don't look all right." The girl stated, kneeling next to Kenji. She glanced at the graves and bowed her head briefly. "Family?"   
"Hai..." Kenji whispered.   
"Siblings, or-"   
"My okaasan and otousan." Kenji clung to the sheathed sakabatou, his long red hair partly obscuring his face as a fresh round of tears threatened to spill over. "I... I never really got to know them... and now..."   
The girl studied Kenji quietly while he struggled to hide his sorrow. He was obviously around her age, yet in a way seemed much like a young child, confused, upset and lost, and not sure what to do about it.   
"I'm Hayashi Mieko." The girl introduced herself after a moment. "And you are-?" She prompted, hoping to coax the boy at least partly out of his sorrow.   
"Himura Kenji." Kenji managed to whisper, trying and failing to cover up a sniffle.   
Much to the young redhead's surprise, a pair of soft arms circled his shoulders. "Ne, Kenji-san, I know it's hard to lose a parent, it must be even worse to lose them both. But it's all right to cry."   
Kenji found himself stunned too senseless to disentangle himself from the girl's embrace, nor did he particularly want to. She reminded him of Kaoru, and the way his mother had always (and rather boldly) accepted her vagabond husband, no matter how long he would be away. Only this time, he was on the receiving end of such unconditional acceptance. The feeble dam holding back the flood shattered, and Kenji found himself sobbing into the girl's shoulder while she gently stroked his hair.   
"That's right, Kenji-san." Mieko whispered, cradling the distraught redhead. _This poor boy... He must have been hiding this for so long to break down like this._ She thought to herself.   
Evening twilight slowly faded into darkness as Kenji's heaving breaths slowly returned to normal. Mieko helped him to his feet, wiping his face on the sleeve of her kimono. "Feel any better?" She inquired with a slight smile. Kenji looked sheepish.   
"Ano... gomen.. for.. uh... just..." The redhead stammered, finding the ground rather fascinating.   
"I should apologize." Mieko smiled, earning a surprised look from Kenji.   
"No, um..." Kenji looked at the girl, feeling his face flush a light red. "Ano... arigatou, Mieko-san. I think I needed that, and I couldn't-"   
"In front of your friends or other family members?" Mieko finished for him. Kenji looked sheepishly at the ground again.   
"Hai."   
"It's getting late, Kenji-san." Mieko noted the moon's slow ascent into the night sky. "We should both probably be going home."   
Screeching to a halt in the air overhead, two ghosts surveyed the scene.   
"Everything seems all right, Shinta..." Kaoru frowned.   
The two ghosts observed Kenji and Mieko from the air for a few more moments as Kenji offered to walk her home.   
"She seems like a very compassionate person." Shinta nodded in the direction of Mieko. Kaoru nodded, ill at ease at her hubby's continued tension. True, the streets were dangerous at night alone, but...   
"... I feel like we're being watched." Kenji glanced around apprehensively. He slipped the sakabatou from its resting place against his shoulder to his sash.   
Kaoru watched as Shinta surveyed the tree-lined path below, and caught the subtle shift in his stance as he apparently spotted something in the shadows.   
"Shinta-?" She followed his line of sight, and gasped.   
"Hey, chibi!" A rough voice called out to Kenji and Mieko from the shadows off to one side of the path. "What's a shrimp like you doing with a cutie like her?"   
Mieko let out a startled gasp and ducked behind Kenji, who dropped into a battle stance, one hand hovering above the hilt of the sakabatou. A number of street thugs emerged, leering at a terrified Mieko, and laughing at Kenji and his obvious choice to fight.   
Kenji glowered at the men, cursing to himself. Yahiko had told him on the way back from Kyoto that he had an uncanny knack for kenjutsu, but he knew his limits. He was badly outnumbered, and they were after Mieko.   
"There's no way-" Kaoru gasped and had started to say when a white and magenta blur shot past her, heading groundward. "Shinta-!"   
"KENJI!" Shinta yelled. The first of the thugs lunged, faster than Kenji had anticipated. Mieko covered her eyes, fearing the worst.   
Kenji wasn't quite sure what exactly happened. Liquid fire coursed through him, and with an unfamiliar battle cry, he launched the sakabatou from its sheath, knocking the first attacker back, sword arm undoubtedly broken. He felt another presence, almost as if someone else was holding the sakabatou with him, guiding his stance.   
_Nani-?_ He briefly thought.   
_"Don't worry, Kenji-kun."_ A vaguely familiar voice whispered in the back of his mind. _"I'll help you."_   
Kaoru watched the scene from above in open-mouthed shock.   
_'T-tousan-?!_ If not for the other temporarily sharing his body, Kenji's jaw would likely have more than surpassed Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu's god-like speed in its plunge to the floor.   
_"Hai. Gomen nasai for being away for so long, Kenji-kun. But we can talk later. Right now we have to protect that girl-" _The rurouni sized up the gang.   
_Mieko-chan_. Kenji corrected.   
_"Aa. Well then, Kenji-kun,"_ The elder Himura smiled slightly to himself. _"I'll show you what true strength is. If there were much fewer of these men, I think you would have been able to handle it yourself, but-"_   
_ But I just don't get it. And there are too many for me to handle._ Kenji reluctantly admitted.   
In an instant, the redhead crouched low to the ground and sprang into the air, sakabatou held overhead, violet eyes locked on target.   
"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Ryu Tsui Sen!"   
_This is-!_ Kenji almost couldn't believe it.   
_"Hai. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. The sword that protects people from sorrow."_   
Mieko watched in awe as Kenji dodged and countered attacks from all sides, stunned beyond her fear as one by one, the would-be muggers fell before the steel of the redhead's sword.   
Kaoru was cheering her son and husband on from above, knowing without a doubt who the victor would be. In short order, the burly men had been reduced to an unconscious heap.   
Kenji stared. It was like a daydream, or a fantasy. In his mind's eye, he watched Shinta, or rather, Kenshin, calmly sheathe the sakabatou and look his son straight in the eye.   
"Otousan..." The younger redhead gaped.   
"Hai, Kenji. Your okaasan and I were worried about you." Kenshin smiled. "I'm glad you're all right."   
Kenji found himself at a loss for words. He had spent countless nights thinking of what he would say to his father, if he ever saw him again. Why had he left Kaoru so often, why he had left him so often, and why had he disappeared and not returned for so long. But Kenji couldn't for the life of him bring that hatred to bear. It seemed so... petty, in the face of the situation, in the face of this undeniable, improbable proof that his father did in fact, care about him.   
"Okaasan's here, too-?" Kenji finally managed to squeak out, glancing around.   
"Ne, Kenji, over here." Kaoru's voice drew his attention.   
"Okaasan-!" Kenji's voice cracked as he approached the pair.   
"Maa, maa, it's all right, Kenji." Kenshin grinned, "We're both all right, and glad to know you're safe."   
"Otousan..." Kenji found himself sniffling again, then flinging himself into his parent's arms. The two embraced their distraught son.   
"Gomen, Kenji, I know it must have been hard on you when I left." Kenshin smiled, untucking the sakabatou from his sash.   
It took Kenji what seemed an eternity to regain his composure.   
"But you're going to leave again, aren't you?" Kenji wiped his eyes and looked from Kenshin to Kaoru, and back. Slowly, they both nodded.   
"Our time is done, Kenji." Kaoru began slowly. The younger redhead nodded reluctantly, and found the sheathed sakabatou held out to him by Kenshin.   
"But we'll always be there for you, Kenji." The elder redhead held out the sakabatou. "I know Yahiko already gave it to you, but I think now you truly understand the meaning."   
Numbly, Kenji took the sakabatou with a nod.   
"Ano... Kenji, we need to go now." Kaoru smiled and patted her son on the head. "I think Mieko-chan is realizing the fight is over."   
Though it seemed like an eternity, Kenji was jolted back to reality to find the battle not even two minutes over, clutching the sakabatou.   
"M-Mieko-san?" He glanced over at the girl, barely daring to believe what he'd seen was true.   
"Kenji-kun..." Mieko gawked. "Y-you..."   
"Protected you." Kenji finished for her with a slight smile, showing her the dull edge of the sakabatou. "The sword that protects." 

---

Stealthily, Kenji crept up behind Yahiko, sakabatou at the ready. The feisty master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu glanced behind him, to find the redhead had disappeared.   
"Kenji..." Yahiko muttered. He was caught completely by surprise by a shout from overhead.   
"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Ryu Tsui Sen!" Kenji yelled with a grin. Yahiko barely had time to bring his bokken up to take the worst of the blow, and ended up with a mildly large lump on the head.   
"Kenji! Bakayarou!" Yahiko flailed. "Where'd you learn that?! Hiko said he wasn't going to teach Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu to anybody else!"   
Kenji grinned, propping the sakabatou up against his shoulder. "You wouldn't believe me, Yahiko-kun."   
Yahiko grumbled and rubbed the bump on his head. Ever since the redhead had met Mieko, he seemed to be in much better spirits than he had been after Kenshin and Kaoru had died.   
"Yahiko-kun, remember what today is?" Kenji grinned. "You agreed to start teaching me Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu, remember?"   
Yahiko sweatdropped. He had completely forgotten. _Well, whatever happened to him, at least he's recovered._ _The dojo seems so much more alive now._ Yahiko grinned. "Let's go then!" 

Author's notes: *flails* Sessha wa baka de gozaru! (Did I even say that right?) I'm trying to CURE Seissouhen Depression Syndrome! Not make it worse! Blarg. At least it ended on a lighter note. I tried, but I could not find any funny way to go about the chapter with Kenji. Oh! By the way! As I was sitting here writing this, I think I got haunted by something o_o. I'm the only person up in the house, and while I was sitting here typing, I felt something brush up my spine. And it wasn't my shirt or my hair, either o.o; I jumped so bad I banged both knees and one elbow on the computer desk. BUT! In spite of being high-strung beyond words by that, I got the chapter done!   
And you might notice that during the fight and the weird little daydream thing, our dear rurouni is referred to as Kenshin, not Shinta. He was using a sword, wasn't he? =p Now, I'm tired, freaked out, and I think about to be caught up at 2 am, so I'm going to end this spiel now.   
Next time! Another wacky chapter, for certain! I need to break the seriousness of this chapter big time! Not sure if the next chapter will take place in Tokyo or Kyoto, but it will be funny, I swear it! Until then, ja ne! 


	7. Act 7: Trouble in Tokyo: Part Two

**Twisted Paradise******

Act 7: Trouble in Tokyo- Part Two 

Disclaimer: At last check, hell is still nice and toasty and pigs aren't flying. Guess I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin. 

Notes: *bangs her head on the computer desk a time or two* I can't believe myself. This is a comedy, and chapter 6 just turned out so SERIOUS. Blarg. By the way, in chapter 6, I imagine that when Shinta was yelling Kenji's name, he probably was using that totally cool yell he has. You know the yell I'm talking about, right? The slightly elongated, high-volume shout? Yeah, that ^o^.   
Still no idea what the hell brushed up my spine the other night. I intend to drag my imoutosan onto the Ouija board with me sometime soon and investigate. J.Liha-san, you aren't the only person who suggested it being the very two ghosts I'm writing about. =p We'll just have to see if anything happens while I'm working on THIS chapter!   


Megumi yawned and opened her eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling. She had yet to return to Aizu, and, in all honesty, she didn't feel terribly inclined to yet. She, like Yahiko, could only wonder at whatever had happened to Kenji to suddenly cause his depression to vanish, but the redhead was doing much better.   
A knock at the door caught the lady doctor's attention. "Ne, Megumi-san, breakfast is ready!" Kenji said through the door.   
"I'll be right there." Megumi yawned back, stretching and getting up.   
Meanwhile, two ghosts surveyed the food that Tsubame had carefully prepared.   
"I know the perfect way to let them know we're here." Kaoru grinned, idly... ur... adding... to the soup. Shinta sweatdropped and watched as the food, which had likely tasted quite good before, was reduced instead to something Kaoru would have cooked.   
"Oro..."   
"I'm sure Yahiko at least will catch the hint." Kaoru smiled, watching as the young man in question entered the kitchen with Tsubame and helped carry the meal out to the others. Yahiko fidgeted and looked around, wondering why the kitchen felt crowded.   
"Yahiko-kun, is something wrong?" Tsubame looked over.   
"Nah." Yahiko shook his head and glanced around again. "It just feels like we're being watched."   
The two ghosts watched from the kitchen as everyone sat down to breakfast and took their first bites.   
Megumi turned an interesting shade of green, Tsubame nearly choked, Yahiko outright spat out his mouthful, and Kenji looked at them all oddly.   
"This... is..." Megumi squeaked, quickly gulping down some tea to try and wash the taste from her mouth.   
"It was fine when I checked it before setting the table..." Tsubame blushed, embarrassed.   
"Geez, it's as bad as Kaoru's cooking!" Yahiko gagged.   
Kenji sweatdropped and took another bite of his meal. The other three stared at the redhead in open-mouthed astonishment.   
"I didn't know you were into self-torture, Kenji-" Yahiko sweatdropped.   
"Ano... Yahiko-san..." Kenji indicated the food. "It tastes fine to me."   
Everyone else fell over at the declaration.   
"I can't believe it!" Yahiko sat back up. "Only Kenshin could stomach something like this and say it was fine!"   
"Well, I AM his son." Kenji shot a violet glare at Yahiko.   
Kaoru snickered at the scene, in spite of the jabs at her cooking. 

A few hours later, Yahiko and Kenji were squaring off in the dojo, while Tsubame was working at the Akabeko and Megumi was visiting the clinic.   
"I still can't figure out how the heck you learned Ryu Tsui Sen." Yahiko grumbled while drilling Kenji in Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. "I mean, I kinda got the hang of it after having seen a lot of Kenshin's battles, but even then... And Hiko told me he wasn't going to teach anybody else Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. You can't have seen it performed often enough to have learned the move like I did. And I know **I** didn't show you."   
Kenji grinned at Yahiko's obvious frustration with the mystery. "I told you already that you wouldn't believe me."   
Yahiko grunted in response and told Kenji to continue with his drills while he got started on the day's chores. Kenji continued his practice for a few moments after Yahiko had left the room, before looking straight at one corner of the room.   
"Otousan, I see you." The redhead stated flatly.   
"Oro!" Shinta fell over, surprised that not only had Kenji sensed him, but he'd spotted him, too.   
"And I know you and Okaasan were watching at breakfast." Kenji continued with a crafty grin. "Okaasan messed with Tsubame-san's cooking, didn't she?"   
Shinta sweatdropped. He had figured it was likely that Kenji would be aware of his presence, but he certainly didn't expect to be spotted.   
Kenji grinned. "I can usually tell when Okaasan is nearby, but I can't see her very easily. But since that fight when I met Mieko-chan, I've been able to see you, Otousan." Actually, it had been rather weird and disconcerting to be walking around the dojo or something, and see his dead father watching him. He had quickly figured out that Yahiko and the others weren't similarly able to see the spirit. "I haven't told anybody though. I doubt they'd believe me."   
Shinta sweatdropped. Maybe Kenji's heightened ability to detect his father's spirit was due in part to the rurouni temporarily possessing his son to help him fight off those street thugs.   
Meanwhile, Yahiko was scrubbing the floors, still trying to figure out where and how Kenji had picked up the one Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu technique. Kaoru, meanwhile, was watching her student, a wicked grin on her face.   
"Yahiko-chan!" She called out, watching with a certain smug satisfaction at the cringe and reaction.   
"DON'T CALL ME 'CHAN', BU-" Yahiko shouted, freezing mid-insult as the color drained from his face. He spun around, nearly falling on his cute little bum in the process. "Kaoru-?! But it can't be... am I hearing things??"   
"Baka! And here I thought you'd outgrown calling me ugly!" Kaoru focused and thwacked Yahiko over the head. She had to work at not busting up laughing as Yahiko's eyes widened and he faceplanted from the thwack. He quickly rebounded and looked around, trying to figure out where the attack had come from. He was relatively certain he had simply just lost it.   
Yahiko slowly resumed his chore, color gradually returning to his face. "I'm just imagining things. After all, Kaoru hasn't even been gone two months. I'm just imagining things..." He chanted in time to his scrubbing.   
_You keep telling yourself that, Yahiko._ Kaoru thought to herself as she watched, beaming with pride. In spite of all their bickering, Yahiko had learned well, and she was proud of HER 'baka desshi'. Kenji would certainly excel under Yahiko's training.   
Megumi thought she head voices from the training hall, and approached the closed door. She had just returned from town, and wondered who Kenji was talking to. She gasped quietly as she overheard part of the conversation. It sounded like... Kenji was talking to Kenshin?! Now THAT didn't add up. Megumi continued to listen in on the impossible father-son conversation.   
Kenji glanced toward the door, as did Shinta. "Megumi-san?" Kenji called out.   
The door slid slowly open and a pale-faced Megumi peered inside sheepishly, almost fainting at the sight of Kenji, sakabatou propped up against one shoulder, and a transparent Kenshin sitting nearby, both apparently involved in some sort of conversation.   
"K-k-k-" She stammered. Shinta smiled and waved sheepishly at the doctor.   
"Ohayo, Megumi-dono." The older redhead grinned, wondering if Megumi was going to faint. She certainly looked about ready to.   
Kenji moved to the doctor's side and offered a shoulder to lean on, since it was apparent to him that her own legs weren't up to the task of holding her up at the moment.   
"How-?" Megumi managed to squeak out.   
"Ano.. Megumi-san..." Kenji sweatdropped. "Do you believe in ghosts?" When Megumi failed to form an intelligible answer, he continued. "Because... well... Otousan and Okaasan's have been hanging around for the past few days."   
Shinta smiled and nodded.   
"I..." Megumi started to say, still gaping at the rurouni spirit, sitting there grinning that goofy smile at her. Before she could finish, the shock of the discovery got to her and she fell limp to the floor.   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped. "Ano... I guess that was rather sudden, that it was."   
Kenji nodded slightly in agreement, "Otousan, I'll go take Megumi-san to her room, then I better get back to training before Yahiko-kun catches me slacking off."   
Shinta nodded and was about to leave the room when a loud crash, followed by shouts of "BAKA!" and "BUSU!" reverberated throughout the dojo.   
"Ororororo..." Shinta's eyes widened slightly. "I think Yahiko just found Kaoru-dono..."   
Kenji's eyes widened as well and he nodded silent agreement. 

Author's notes: Evil me! A cliffhanger of sorts! Well, nothing ghostly occurred while I was writing this, but I do feel like I'm being watched. But that just might the big K'nex dragon thingie I built today to kill time. Or not. *shrugs* Don't you hate it when you just KNOW something's watching you? It's so incredibly frustrating, that it is *goofy grin*. Anyways, I think our ghosties are going to hang around the dojo and annoy everyone there for another chapter or two before we head back to Kyoto. I imagine the rest of the Kenji-gumi's reaction to the ghosts ought to be pretty fun. And yes, Kenji-gumi. He's the central figure of the new grouping at the dojo, which currently includes himself, Yahiko, Tsubame, Megumi, and Mieko-chan (even though she didn't appear in this chapter). 'Sides, they can't really be the Kenshin-gumi anymore, given that Kenshin's very much dead. Until next time, minna-san! Reviews are appreciated! 


	8. Act 8: Trouble in Tokyo: Part Three

Twisted Paradise 

Act 8: Trouble in Tokyo- Part Three 

Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty ways to say I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. 

Notes: Whoo. I seem to have hit a hot streak in my one-author crusade against Seissouhen Depression Syndrome. I dunno. I read an angsty piece that deals with Seissouhen (or, in this case, re-read my own, by the title "Fallen".), and get all fired up to continue this madness. If anyone has suggestions for how to work Soujiro into the story (or an idea in general), fire an email my way (xellos_san@hotmail.com). And Jason- Virtually everywhere I've looked, it's spelled "desshi" with the two 's'es. And the way it sounds when pronounced in the anime, I think it sound more like there's a double s. Whee. In other news... wait. What other news? Blarg. On with the fic! 

Yahiko stared. And stared some more. Then he rubbed his eyes and looked again, needing a second opinion on the matter. He'd walked into the room and found Kaoru. Out of sheer surprise, he'd shouted "BUSU!". Which resulted in the laundry tub being flung at him with a resounding shout of "BAKA!" from the ghost in question.   
Which brought the situation to its current point. A stunned Yahiko gawking at a grinning Kaoru, through which the wall could be seen.   
"K-KAORU?!" The young man finally blurted out.   
"Took you long enough to figure that out, Yahiko-CHAN!" Kaoru retorted with a grin. Out of reflex, Yahiko fumed and tried to bring his bokken down on the raccoon's head. The ghost just about burst into hysterics when the weapon passed harmlessly through her apparition, and Yahiko ended up falling flat on his face due to his momentum.   
All the yelling quickly drew the attention of the other people in the dojo, and Kaoru made a tactical retreat as Shinta appeared by her side, studying the scene. The two ghosts watched with wide grins as a newly-returned Tsubame and Kenji arrived and inquired as to what was the matter. Kenji was fully aware that both his parents were present, but didn't say anything.   
"Yahiko-kun, what happened?" The redhead inquired innocently.   
"I don't know!" Yahiko sat up and rubbed his battered nose. "I swear, I just saw Kaoru- ur..." He trailed off and looked at Kenji apologetically for the reminder.   
"Okaasan?" Kenji raised an eyebrow and kept his expression carefully innocent. "Ano, Yahiko-kun, are you feeling all right?"   
Tsubame knelt by her Tokyo samurai and felt his forehead. "Ne, you do feel a little warm."   
"That's because I just took a nose-dive!" Yahiko insisted, flailing in the general direction of where he'd seen the ghost. "I swear! She even flung the laundry bucket at me when I called her busu!"   
Kenji looked at the overturned tub in question. "Ne, Yahiko-kun, maybe you should rest?"   
"Where's Megumi-san?" Tsubame looked up. "Maybe she can figure out what's wrong with Yahiko-san?"   
"Nothing's wrong with me!" Yahiko insisted. Kenji tried to think of an excuse as to why Megumi hadn't come to see what the yelling was about.   
"Um... Megumi-san is... resting." The redhead sweatdropped.   
"She is-?" Yahiko looked over at Kenji. "... She saw a ghost, too, I bet!"   
Kenji sweatdropped more. "Ano... Yahiko-kun, why are you so suddenly obsessed with ghosts?"   
"I'm NOT obsessed! I just SAW one! That's more than a little weird!" Yahiko flailed.   
The two ghosts decided to leave the dojo for a little while and exchange stories while visiting favorite locales in town.   
"Kaoru-dono, you might want to know that Kenji-kun can see us." Shinta explained with a sweatdrop.   
"Nani-?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?! Why didn't he say anything when we were in the room?!" Kaoru grabbed the redhead by the front of his 'shirt', and shook him.   
"Ororororo!" Shinta oroed in time with the shaking. "I didn't have the chance, and I don't know why Kenji-kun didn't tell the others, that I don't!"   
Kaoru released her hubby and looked thoughtful. "Well, Tomoe-san did mention that it's easier for relatives to see or sense spirits. That's why Enishi was so fixated on her or something."   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped at mention of his first wife and shook the swirlies from his eyes.   
After strolling through the market, Kaoru spotted a familiar face.   
"Oh, there's Mieko-chan." She noted, filching a blue ribbon from a merchant's wares that caught her fancy. The two ghosts ended up tagging along after the girl, curious to see if she was going to visit Kenji again. In the days following their meeting, the two had been often in each other's company. Kaoru grinned mischievously and let the ribbon she'd taken flutter to the ground well ahead of Mieko, who picked it up curiously when she came upon the rich blue length of silk. She glanced around, wondering who had dropped it, but saw no one vaguely nearby. Kaoru giggled with glee as the girl shrugged and tied her hair up with the ribbon.   
"She and Kenji would make an adorable couple!" Kaoru grinned.   
"Oro-!" Shinta fell over. "Ano, Kaoru-dono, don't you think it's a little rude for ghosts to be playing matchmaker?"   
"Never! Besides, I doubt there's much 'matchmaking' to do, Shinta!" Kaoru smiled at the redhead. "Kenji's got eyes only for her! Or hadn't you noticed?"   
Shinta sweatdropped and didn't answer. He had caught the two kids making eyes at each other several times.   
Kenji met her outside the dojo, and the two proceeded back toward town. The two ghosts, curious as to where the kids were going, followed. While passing through the sakura trees, which were still blooming, Kenji came to a stop, sakabatou wrapped and propped against one shoulder. He glanced around and caught sight of the two ghosts nearby.   
"Kenji-kun? Is something wrong?" Mieko looked at the redhead.   
Kenji shook his head and pointed a glare in the direction of the ghosts while Mieko wasn't looking. "I'll tell you about it later. By the way, that ribbon looks nice on you."   
Mieko blushed slightly at the compliment. "Arigatou."   
The rest of the conversation was lost to the two spirits, being that they caught the hint and stopped following the pair.   
"He really did see us." Kaoru blinked, following Shinta back toward the dojo.   
Megumi and Yahiko were loudly comparing stories over dinner when the two ghosts arrived. Tsubame was looking confusedly between the two, a sweatdrop sliding down the back of her head.   
"So you saw Kenshin in the dojo?" Yahiko double-checked. "Talking to Kenji? Like there wasn't anything weird about the situation?"   
"Hai." Megumi nodded, sipping some sake. (Tea had been dubbed not strong enough for the situation.) "Ken-san... assuming that was him, even smiled and told me good morning!" The fox doctor paled and sweatdropped at the recollection. "And Kenji asked if I believed in ghosts... after which..." Megumi sweatdropped. "I apparently fainted."   
"So Kenji knows something..." Yahiko looked thoughtful. "I swear I saw Kaoru in the storage shed. Out of habit I called her busu, she reacted and I got clobbered by the laundry bucket! And I can tell you that bucket wasn't just simply on a shelf and fell on me. It was on the ground!"   
Tsubame sweatdropped, but didn't offer up the possibility that the two had both simply lost it. It wasn't too terribly likely that Yahiko had jumped off the deep end, and Megumi always struck her as being a very level-headed woman. So she listened to the ghost stories.   
"When Kenji returns from dinner with Mieko-chan, we'll have to find out what he knows." Megumi nodded sagely.   
"Yeah! That sneak!" Yahiko agreed wholeheartedly. "I bet that's how he knows Ryu Tsui Sen, too! I bet he learned it from Kenshin!"   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped at the spectacle.   
"Poor Kenji." Kaoru nodded agreement with her hubby's 'oro'. "They'd better be nice when they ask him about it."   
Shinta nodded and watched Megumi and Yahiko plotting how best to interrogate his son.   


Author's notes: Whee! Another cliffhanger! I figure the gig at the dojo will be up next chapter. Can you just see Megumi and Yahiko with demon eyes confronting poor Kenji? ^^;; Everyone's reactions to the confirmation that our favorite ghosties are hanging around and that Kaoru did in fact chuck the laundry bucket at Yahiko ought to be pretty hysterical. I mean, how does one react to that sort of news? "Oh, that's great, hi Kenshin!"?   
By the way, am I the ONLY fanfic author out there trying to combat Seissouhen Depression Syndrome? And are there any people interested in a possible email notification list to let them know Twisted Paradise has been updated? And as always, reviews are appreciated! So are suggestions for the story. If I use someone's suggestion, I will give credit where it is due. =) (What else are these author blurbs for? =p)   
And by the way, I'm not sure, but I think something/one touched me on the shoulder while writing this chapter. Thankfully I didn't jump quite as badly (not being overtired helps, I'm sure), which is good, as I REALLY don't want to add to my already impressively bruised knees. Must get imoutosan on the Ouija board with me. Must figure out this mystery. @_@ Until next time, minna-san! 


	9. Act 9: Trouble in Tokyo: Part Four

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 9: Trouble in Tokyo- Part Four 

Disclaimer: Nobuhiro Watsuki-sensei owns Rurouni Kenshin. All I own is the Kaoru costume I'm making for Anime Expo this summer! 

April 23 update: Reuploaded the chapter and fixed some typoes that had gotten through the first time around =p 

Notes: WAI! WAI! Watsuki-sensei is going to be at AX this summer! *runs around* This of course led to a frantic scramble to see if my sister (One Amahira) and I could bump our RK cosplay up to this year instead of next, which we'll be able to do! I fail to see how Kaoru can walk around in those funny little sandals, much less how Kenshin can FIGHT in similar. I've got my own pair now for my costume that I'm trying to break in before the convention so my feet don't commit suicide on me like last year.   
And this past weekend my sis and I made onigiri (rice balls) for the first time ever! =D But One's came out looking nicer than mine did -.-;; Would you believe how many "Kaoru-dono" and "raccoon girl" jokes I have had to put with since? (It doesn't help any that I'm going to be cosplaying as Kaoru at Anime Expo, and that One will be cosplaying as Kenshin.)   
Man, my opening and closing notes spiels are getting longer and longer. Blarg. Anyways, let's see now... It has been brought to my attention by a reviewer that the girl Kenji is seen with in the OAV (whom I have dubbed Mieko) actually has a name listed in the end credits. According to this reviewer (being that I cannot read kanji and the end credits of our fansub were not translated), the girl's name is Chizuru. That unfortunately doesn't help much. Is that her family name or her name? Being that I am a lazy bum, and like the name Mieko better, I'm not going to go back through the story and change it. The girl is never addressed by name on screen, so despite the end credits, I feel that it's still up to the fans as to who she is.   
Okay, lengthy opening spiel out of the way, on to the actual STORY! (gasp!) 

Kenji walked into the dojo, immediately feeling something was amiss.   
"I'm home!" He announced, glancing around, wondering what was making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He quickly learned.   
"KENJI." Yahiko and Megumi both loomed over the redhead from virtually nowhere. Kenji shrank back in surprise, wondering what the heck he had done to deserve this.   
"Oro-! Ano, Yahiko-kun, Megumi-san?" Kenji meeped, not even noticing his use of his father's catch phrase.   
The subject of the forthcoming interrogation, the ghosts of Kenji's parents, observed the scene from well in the air, in hopes that Kenji wouldn't look up and catch them there.   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped as Yahiko and Megumi almost dragged a loudly protesting Kenji into the building.   
"I suppose we should join them. I doubt those two are going to leave Kenji alone until he tells them." Kaoru drifted down through the ceiling, her redhead hubby following shortly thereafter.   
"Megumi says she saw you talking to Kenshin! And I KNOW I saw Kaoru!" Yahiko opened the interrogation.   
"Ano, Yahiko-kun-" Kenji tried to interrupt, wondering what the hell he was going to do now. He'd rather be facing down those thugs from when he met Mieko than dealing with Megumi and Yahiko thoroughly determined to get to the bottom of things.   
"I know what I saw, Kenji." Megumi loomed over the redhead, a foxy smile on her face. "And I heard you talking with Kenshin before I saw him. You know something, don't you? Why else ask if I believed in ghosts?"   
"Oro." Kenji oroed noncommittally. One of the things his father's ghost had shared with him was the art of oro. The elder Himura had practically sung the virtues of those two little syllables and Kenji had rapidly learned for himself how useful that little word was.   
"And that's another thing!" Yahiko flailed. "Until recently, you haven't ever said 'oro'! But Kenshin was always saying it!"   
Megumi nodded her agreement as Kenji sweatdropped. "It was the one word Ken-san used most often. How odd that after all this time, you never adopted it, and yet, in the past few days you seem to have grown so fond of it!" The foxy doctor grinned, fairly certain she was onto something.   
_Gee, thanks a lot, Otousan. "'Oro' can get you out of any situation not involving swords."_ Kenji thought to himself, looking between the two determined faces. Glancing around the room, he spotted the two ghosts standing behind Yahiko and Megumi, watching the scene with rather large sweatdrops. Kenji then noticed the room temperature had dropped. He glanced at the ghosts with an inquisitive expression while Megumi and Yahiko waited for a reply.   
Kaoru grinned and mimed whacking Yahiko over the head. Shinta just smiled and nodded.   
Kenji grinned. The air always seemed to be colder when the ghosts were around or up to anything- the storage shed had been positively frigid after Kaoru had beaned Yahiko with the wash bucket. And given the chill in the kitchen and the fact the two spirits appeared clearer than normal, Kenji could only assume that if he pointed it out to his inquisitors, he might be spared having to try and explain everything.   
"Well? Why are you grinning?" Yahiko demanded, breaking into the younger Himura's reverie.   
"Ano... Yahiko-kun, Megumi-san, I guess I owe you both an explanation." Kenji began slowly. His inquisitors, catching scent of their success, leaned forward in anticipation of the mystery being resolved.   
"You bet you owe us an explanation!" Yahiko nodded enthusiastic agreement.   
"It started the day I met Mieko-chan. I told you about the gangsters, right?" Kenji looked between Yahiko and Megumi, who nodded. "In spite of what you've told me, Yahiko-kun, there were really too many of them for me to handle myself."   
Yahiko and Megumi looked a little dumbfounded at the unusual start to Kenji's explanation. All he had said before was that he'd beaten up some thugs to protect Mieko.   
"And?" Yahiko prompted.   
"Well, I had more than a little help dealing with them." Kenji stated simply. Megumi looked confused, and Yahiko frowned in thought, trying to figure out what the redhead meant.   
"What's that got to do with ghosts?" Yahiko finally blurted out.   
"It also has to do with how I learned Ryu Tsui Sen." Kenji grinned, watching as Yahiko's eyes widened slightly. "Feeling yourself go through the motions really gives you a feeling for how to do something, Yahiko-kun. It's even more effective than simply being shown repeatedly." The redhead grinned even wider as he took a jab at how Yahiko had picked up on the same technique.   
"What??" Yahiko was REALLY confused now. "You just did it? Is that what you're saying?"   
"Nope." Kenji responded. "I said I had some help."   
"So who helped you?" Megumi inquired, not nearly as interested in the details of swordplay.   
"It couldn't have been Hiko!" Yahiko glared at Kenji for speaking in riddles. "He has no reason to be in Tokyo!"   
"It wasn't Hiko." Kenji confirmed that fact. Kaoru had both hands clasped over her mouth to keep from laughing aloud, and Shinta had a suitably goofy grin.   
"It's like I asked Megumi-san." Kenji grinned, knowing this interrogation had been turned around. "Do you believe in ghosts?"   
"What are you say-" Yahiko started to demand before he stopped short. "You mean Kenshin's GHOST helped you?!"   
Megumi turned a few shades lighter. "And I did actually see you talking to him in the dojo?"   
Kenji didn't answer, but just grinned.   
"And Kaoru really did throw the laundry bucket at me?!" Yahiko demanded.   
Kenji dipped his head just slightly, a signal to his accomplices.   
"It's rude to call a woman an ugly old hag, Yahiko-chan!" Kaoru crowed, thwapping the swordsman across the back of the head. "And I didn't have a bokken handy."   
Yahiko pitched forward in surprise and nearly kissed the floor.   
"Maa, maa, Kaoru-dono, don't be too hard on him" Another familiar voice declared from behind.   
Megumi whirled around and came face-to-grinning-face with Shinta. She turned a very nice shade of white and Kenji and Yahiko both caught her when her legs ceased to function.   
"Gomen for scaring you before, Megumi-dono." The redheaded ghost grinned and put a hand behind his head. "It was an awkward situation, that it was."   
"K-KENSHIN!? KAORU?!" Yahiko's eyes widened to the size of small dinner plates at the sight of the two apparitions. Megumi's were similarly wide, while Kenji had a certain smug look in his eyes.   
"Hai, Yahiko." Shinta nodded. "I helped Kenji deal with the gangsters, and that's how he picked up Ryu Tsui Sen." The ghost explained with a goofy rurouni grin   
Kaoru meandered over to her rather pale faced student and patted him on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Yahiko. You're even keeping the dojo clean!"   
Megumi finally found her voice. "Baka! You scared us half to death!"   
Yahiko didn't protest the claim, but nodded numb agreement.   
"So, are you and Tsubame expecting anything, Yahiko?" Kaoru grinned wickedly. "When can we expect a wedding?"   
Yahiko snapped somewhat back to normal. "N-none of your business, busu!"   
Kenji's eyes widened slightly at what Kaoru was implying. "Then... those noises I heard at night..."   
Megumi looked at Yahiko, who had begun to turn a brilliant shade of red.   
"It's nothing!" Yahiko blurted out.   
Everyone else just exchanged looks that said 'Yeah, right' loud and clear.   
"Speaking of that..." Shinta looked over at Megumi. "Sanosuke's still single. We'll probably go see him again sometime soon. What should I tell him?"   
It was Megumi's turn to flush red.   
"Tell that baka rooster that he had better come back and soon!" The foxy doctor finally exclaimed. "I'm not getting any younger-!" She turned a brighter shade of red and covered her mouth, apparently not intending for that last bit to slip out. All eyes turned to her, which didn't help any.   
Shinta nodded with a smile. "I'll make sure he knows that, Megumi-dono."   
"I didn't mean it like _that_!" Megumi squealed in protest, but the two ghosts faded from view.   
"Ne, we need to go for a little while, minna." Kaoru's voice informed them.   
"Kaoru-dono is right." Shinta's continued. "We still have other people to see."   
"But we'll be back!" Kaoru crowed gleefully. "I look forward to your introducing us to Mieko-chan, Kenji!"   
Kenji wasn't about to get away without a little embarrassment, courtesy of his parents. After all, what else are parents of teenagers for?   
Before anyone could ask any further questions or make any further comments, all trace of the two ghosts had disappeared. Even the room temperature was back to normal.   
Outside and high in the air, the two ghosts headed off to their next destination.   
"That was a little mean to say to Kenji, Kaoru." Shinta noted.   
"Hey, it was harmless!" Kaoru countered. "What was mean was what you said to Megumi-san!"   
"Oro!" 

Author's notes: Whee! Another chapter completed! I'm not entirely sure who's going to get pestered next- Sano in Shanghai or near there, or Aoshi and Misao in Kyoto. Or maybe Enishi. Being pestered by the ghost of not only his oneesan, but also her murderer and Kaoru... poor boy's gonna go nuts. ^^; Well, 15 years have passed, so maybe he's settled down or something. I still plead cluelessness as to what I'm going to do about Soujiro, but again I may get inventive with the 15 year gap. But my ideas and plans for Saitou are becoming clearer! Bwahahahahaha! Oh, and Ayce Shade, just out of curiosity, what's the other fic helping cure your SDS? I'd love to know! =D   
And a quick note about the term 'Seissouhen Depression Syndrome'- I didn't come up with it. Arashi's "The Kenshin-gumi Counseling Service" first labeled the post-Seissouhen depression that, and I guess the term SDS just sorta stuck for me =) *waves* Thanks for giving name to that unfun depression that so many of us have been afflicted with, Arashi!   
So far, only J.Liha-san has voiced interest in an email notification list for the fic. At any rate, if you'd like to be informed of updates, email me at xellos_san@hotmail.com with your email address and lemme know you'd like to be notified. (Story ideas can also be sent there! =p As I said, I'm all but clueless as to what I'm going to do about Soujiro!) I swear on my love of Kenshin that I won't use anyone email addies for anything beside update notices, and that I won't give anything out to evil evil spammers!   
And, as always, reviews are appreciated =) It makes me feel like this is really worthwhile.   
Oh yeah, haven't had any ghosties tonight. =p 


	10. Sessha's to do list!

**Firefury Amahira's "Things To Do" List**

Disclaimer: Does a glorified author blurb need a disclaimer? 

Okay, minna-san, here's the deal. I've got a bunch of ideas for Twisted Paradise knocking around in my head at the moment. But I'm not sure at ALL what one I want to act on first. Saitou is being saved for the final chapter or two, and may lead into a fic my sister is thinking of writing as a partner to this. Soujiro may also be reserved for a chapter much further along, given that to our ghosts, he's more of an acquaintance than a friend. If they run into him, well, maybe they'll bug him. And I'm not sure about even doing a chapter with Enishi. Kenshin is not a particularly mean-spirited guy, and he could probably figure out that his bothering Enishi would be just plain MEAN. (However, this does not exclude Kaoru, who at times has proven to possess a good mean streak.)   
So, I talked to my sister about it to get her take. (She's the first person I go to when I can't decide something.) Unfortunately, One-chan is also clueless as to which idea I should get done with first. Since my sister can't help, I'm asking you guys. In short, here's the Act 10 ideas I have knocking around, and I'd like some input as to what you guys would like to see/think would go in order best. Email me (xellos_san@hotmail.com), leave your choice/input in a review, whatever. Odds are the suggestion that garners the most reader support is gonna be done next. (But that doesn't mean it will. I might get another idea by then and do that instead. I'm weird that way.) 

**UPDATE!:** So peeps can still review when I actually post Act 10, this is staying up. I'll use this spot as my sort of "to do" list and stuff. So.... after tallying the votes and thinking long and hard about it (actually, I was reading the funnies and wondering how much longer must my feet be in agony =p), here's the vague to do list of events to come! Many thanks to everybody who offered input! 

**Act 10- Shenanigans in Shanghai- Part Two**- The winner with 7 votes!   
A return visit to Sano (presumably when he's sober and awake), delivery of Megumi's... ur, message, possibly a sappy ending involving Sano, and I quote a reviewer "getting his butt on a boat back to Japan!" (**COMPLETE!**) 

**Acts 12,13,14,15- Continued (Chibi) Chaos in Kyoto**   
Return to Kyoto, the ghosties probably bothering Misao and Aoshi and everyone at the Aoiya for a chapter or two. Enlightenment on events leading to Kumiko-chan, and some really cute stuff involving the chibi and the parent she has wrapped around her little finger. Hiko may make an appearance to satisfy the two fangirls of his in the Oniwabanshu =p The ghosts of the dead Oniwabanshu members will probably also make an appearance. (Meaning I need to go back and refresh my memory as to who's who.) - **Definately going to be multiple chapters! **(**COMPLETE!**) 

**Act 11- Tormenting the Tiger (or "The Himura Wives Club- Part Three")**- distant 2nd with 3 votes!   
Tomoe invites Kaoru to go see how Enishi is doing. (Based on the Seissouhen version of the Revenge Arc, not the manga version- this fic is based on the Seissouhen OAV, so....) Shinta may or may not go along. Chaos ensues. We also find out what everyone's favorite pale-haired psychopath has been doing the past fifteen years. (Children may or may not be involved.) E+K fans might get a slightly sweet, if not romantic, moment. (**COMPLETE!**) 

**Act 17- Run-In on the Road**   
While en route to their next destination, the ghosties run into Soujiro (or he runs into them). Comedic antics ensue, plus we find out what smiley-boy's been up to since he took up wandering. (He may or may not still be wandering. He may have a family of his own that we may meet. Dunno yet.) May lead into a chapter dealing with Shishio and what his spirit's been doing all this time, unless the next option takes the win... (**COMPLETE!**) 

Act 18- Hijinks of Heaven and Hell   
Our ghosties find out that there are more options to being dead than just haunting. Lots of dead people, and we find out what Shishio opted for when he kicked the bucket. (Expect major OOCness on Shishio's part. He's been dead awhile, and was kinda crazy to begin with. On top of that, my take on 'hell' is probably going to be, well, irreverent as hell!) The 'mechanics' of the afterlife are better explained (or rather, the author covers her ass as to why dead people like Kaoru's parents have failed to make an appearance.) Cameo appearances by Shishio fangirls may be done as a side gag. (Of course, that means the author needs to get some Shishio fangirls to volunteer to be turned into dead people. And I honestly fail to see how he ended up with his own fangirl brigade. I personally hate the guy =p ***snarl, hiss!* THAT MUMMY FREAKIN' _BIT_ KENSHIN!!**) 

Act ??- Currently Untitled   
The ghosties return to Tokyo! Chaos ensues when the ghosts insist that Kenji introduce Mieko to them. 

Act ??- Currently Untitled   
Final chapter. The event we've all been waiting for! Saitou Hajime gets what's coming to him! We finally meet his wife! Chaos ensues and random blunt objects fly! 

Spin-offs, sequels, etc?- Currently untitled, unplanned, yadda yadda, de gozaru.   
Lotsa focus on Sano and Megumi, Aoshi and Misao. Minimal ghostie interference, or not. Possible sequel to come on deck written by my sister, One Amahira, dealing with maximum ghostie interference. 

Email me at xellos_san@hotmail.com (Come on, you know you want to! =p)   
Or track me down on IRC! (Network- Espernet; server- dream.esper.net; Port- 6668; channel- #Reploid_Productions) 

Thanks for your kind reviews,   
Firefury Amahira 


	11. Act 10: Shenanigans in Shanghai: Part Tw...

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 10: Shenanigans in Shanghai- Part Two 

Disclaimer: If I owned Rurouni Kenshin, Seissouhen would not have happened. Therefore, it can safely be concluded by the fact Seissouhen exists, that I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. 

Notes: Many thanks to everyone who wrote in with their opinions on what to do next! Sorry, Joak-san, but Soujiro got outvoted badly. ^^; But given I have never played Dynasty Warriors 3, I should fare relatively unscathed through any forced reading =p But don't worry, ideas slapped me upside the head, so I'll DEFINITELY have a chapter with smiley-boy. =) I probably have something else to ramble about, but for the life of me I can't think of it now. *shrugs* Maybe I'll remember in time for the closing notes.   
Oh yeah, this chapter is in part dedicated to all you Sano x Megumi fans! 

Sano brushed his hair out of his face and pondered the boats floating in the harbor. He hadn't left Shanghai since he'd brought Kenshin there, and for reasons the ex-gangster wouldn't admit to himself, he couldn't bring himself to leave the city, either. It had been a long time since he left Japan, and in that time he'd virtually circled the globe, learned at least three different languages, and had enough misadventures to last at least five lifetimes.   
And he still wasn't sure if his vision, for lack of a better term he could think up, of Kenshin and Kaoru was just a dream, a hallucination caused from over drinking, or if he had in fact been visited by the spirits of his two friends. When he'd sent Kenshin, or rather, the broken, muddled man that had once been Kenshin, on his way back to Japan, Sano knew, though he didn't want to admit it at the time, that he would never see the redhead alive again.   
_Kuso! And Kenshin was so wasted that he couldn't tell me anything about how Jou-chan and everyone was doing!_ Sano mentally cursed. One of the disadvantages he'd learned early on his travels was that traveling alone left him with only his thoughts for company, and no distractions. In the course of his wanderings he'd tried various means of distraction- drinking, women, and so on, with little success. Especially when one of the thoughts he kept trying to distract himself from centered around a certain raven-haired lady doctor back home.   
It had been fifteen years...   
Ever since the ghosts appeared, Megumi had been occupying Sano's thoughts- more than she usually had.   
With a muted grumble, Sano turned away from the docks and made his way back to the abandoned building he'd been living out of since he'd arrived in Shanghai.   
Meanwhile, a solitary ghost watched and followed, shaking his head. _You want to go back, I know it. _Bandana and coat shifting slightly in an unseen breeze, Sagara Souzou continued his self-appointed watch over the roosterheaded fighter.   
While dodging through the crowded streets, Sano saw a familiar spray of red hair and did a double-take, nearly falling flat on his face in the process. When he looked again though, it was gone. _Great, now I'm seeing things._   
Souzou recognized the presence of some other life-challenged people and quickly spotted the redhead rurouni and his dark-haired companion drifting now a few feet over the hustle and bustle of the street, also keeping sharp watch over Sano. Curious as to what the pair was doing back in Shanghai, the former Sekihoutai captain propelled himself into the air and came up behind the other two ghosts.   
"Himura-san?" He inquired simply, quickly catching the pair's attention.   
"Sagara-san!" Kaoru grinned. "We saw Sano and were wondering where you were."   
"Kaoru-dono and I were talking on the way here from Tokyo and decided on something, but we may need your assistance." Shinta glanced over his shoulder at Sano's retreating figure.   
"My assistance?" Souzou raised an eyebrow at the pair of younger ghosts, who nodded and began to explain what they had in mind. 

Several hours later, the trio of ghosts tailed the rooster as he proceeded to the nearest establishment that served food. He already had a few drinks in him, not enough to cloud his judgment, but just enough for a pleasant buzz.   
"Sanosuke! Over here!" A female voice sang out, catching Sano's attention. The dark-haired girl and her two companions, one female, the other male, LOOKED familiar, but for the life of him, Sano couldn't figure out where he'd seen them before. A moment later, he registered that she spoke Japanese, and he hesitantly joined the trio.   
"Do I know you?" He opened the conversation.   
"Mou... you don't remember us?" The dark-haired girl mock-pouted. Kaoru grinned inwardly. So far, the plan was going well enough. They'd picked up some pointers from Souzou on physical manifestations, and appeared just different enough to Sano as to feel familiar, but to not be instantly recognizable. She was just uncertain how long they would be able to hold the appearance together- it was draining. She stole a glance over at Shinta, who was glaring at nothing in particular, just this side of having glittering amber eyes. Souzou proceeded to make idle chatter with Sano, and Kaoru elbowed the redhead under the table.   
"Shinta, at least act the part." She hissed in his ear. "With your hair, he would have recognized you period!"   
Shinta sighed and took a few deep breaths to try and regain some semblance of calm, picking at the sleeves of his... er... very feminine kimono. Having been inspired by Tomoe's tale of revenge for the underkimono thefts, Kaoru had recommended Shinta disguise himself as a lady. The poor rurouni had resisted with many protests until Souzou pointed out some legitimate reasons why Shinta couldn't disguise himself as a guy and get away with it. After which, he had grudgingly followed Kaoru's directions for his ... um... appearance.   
By now, Souzou and Sano were heartily discussing the virtues of women, and Kaoru's eyes widened at some of the things the former Sekihoutai captain was saying. Shinta fought down the urge to oro at some of the subjects the two men were discussing.   
"SOUZOU WA HENTAI BAKA!" Kaoru finally caved to her instincts and clobbered Sano and Souzou with a bokken that had materialized out of thin air. It was so realistic that it even broke over Sano's head.   
"Itai-!" Sano cringed at the unannounced head trauma, while Souzou, not nearly as accustomed to hard blunt objects making sudden and repeated impacts with his head (after all, being dead for over twenty years generally dulls one's sense of things like that.), keeled over, swirly-eyed.   
"Ano..." Shinta sweatdropped and took in the scene while Kaoru realized she had just thoroughly blown their cover.   
"Geez!" Sano rubbed the lump on his head. "You act just like-" He paused, realization taking this opportunity to smack him upside the head. "Jou-chan?!"   
"Ah... well..." Kaoru fumbled for an explanation.   
"Wait! You came here looking for Kenshin, didn't you?!" Sano jumped to a conclusion. Unfortunately, it was the wrong conclusion. "I sent him back to Japan a few weeks ago! You've got to go back! He was in bad shape when I found him-" The rooster was babbling.   
"Oro..." Shinta finally let out the oro that had been begging for release. That stopped Sano dead in his tracks and he stared at the redhead. "K-KENSHIN?!"   
"Hai" The redhead squeaked, face flushing red as his hair. Sano gaped at the redhead, dressed all prim and proper and... feminine.   
"What did she DO to you?!" The rooster finally blurted out, sweeping the rurouni into a bear hug. "I thought I'd never see you again-" He froze again as he came into close contact with the redhead's manifestation. Which was... um... very well padded.   
With a startled yelp, Sano dropped Shinta, who landed on his feet with an 'oro'. Kaoru noticed by now they were drawing lots of attention.   
"Ano... we should probably go outside, preferably somewhere private." She sweatdropped. Souzou, meanwhile, finally shook the swirlies from his eyes and sat back up.   
One short ditching-without-paying later, the group arrived at Sano's temporary bachelor pad. During the short trip, Shinta had quietly fixed his appearance to normal while nobody was looking, and Souzou disappeared entirely, with a quiet grumble to Shinta that Katsu was easier to watch over than Sano, and that he was going to take a break and check on the journalist.   
"Okay, you two." Sano opened the conversation. "Why the hell are you in China? Let alone why you-" He looked at Shinta. "-are not only all cured of an 'incurable' disease, but also look at least ten years younger than when I last saw you."   
"Ano... Sano..." Kaoru began.   
"Don't tell me. You two are dead and visiting from beyond the grave, right?" Sano interrupted. "I wasn't sure if I'd just had too much to drink last time, but I KNOW I'm sober right now."   
"Oro... so you do remember the last time we came to visit?" Shinta asked. Sano faceplanted at the confirmation of what he'd tossed out into the conversation as a joke.   
"Baka." Kaoru scowled at the rooster. "And we have a message to deliver, too."   
"Message-?" Sano removed his face from the floor and looked at the very real images of the ghosts.   
"Hai." Shinta nodded. "Megumi-dono said that she wants you to come back and soon, and..." the redhead paused for effect. "She also said she's not getting any younger, that she isn't."   
"And I KNOW what it's like to be waiting for years for a guy." Kaoru nodded, shooting a look at Shinta. "Don't you want to see Megumi again?"   
"Well, I..." Sano floundered, blushing slightly under the intense scrutiny.   
"I knew it!" Kaoru beamed. "So what's the problem? It's BEEN fifteen years, and the government has more important matters to attend to than a hunt for you."   
"Megumi-dono is still in Tokyo." Shinta nodded. "If you sell your horse, you could easily pay the boat fare."   
"all right already!" Sano threw his arms in the air in frustration. "Go away now. I need time to think."   
With a chuckle, the two ghosts disappeared.   
_That's just creepy the way they can just disappear like that._ Sano glanced around the room. It still felt like he was being watched.   
"I SAID to scram!" Sano shouted at the empty air around him in mock annoyance. He was fairly certain the news that his two friends were dead, not to mention finding this news out from the two dead friends in question, ought to have disturbed him more than it did. It was actually kind of reassuring to know that there was something after, and that even after death, they still cared about his well-being. He'd always thought of death being oblivion, and it was relieving to know that he was wrong on that subject.   
The ex-gangster let his thoughts drift back to Megumi. She had actually ADMITTED to wanting him to come back? He wondered if she was still as beautiful as she was the last time he'd seen her.   
_I'll need to get cleaned up before I go anywhere near her._ He noted to himself, sprawling over his makeshift futon and rubbing the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. Before he knew it, he'd dozed off.   
In the meantime, the two ghosts kept watch, quietly discussing their own plans for the future. Souzou returned a little while later, and the trio made idle chitchat to pass the time.   
It was late at night when the three heard a slight noise outside, and the crackling of flame.   
"What the-?" Kaoru glanced in the direction of the sound.   
"Someone set fire to the building?" Souzou also looked in that direction.   
Before Shinta could add to the conversation, the flames shot upward along the dry wood and started to ignite the beams supporting the sagging roof.   
"Sano! Wake up!"   
The rooster grumbled in his sleep and rolled over, unaware of the activity.   
When a few more seconds of shouting proved futile, Kaoru tried whacking him, but to no effect.   
"He's too deeply asleep." Souzou checked the condition of the roof. "Try his dreams."   
Sano, meanwhile, was having a particularly pleasant dream about Megumi, and looked around in sudden annoyance when the scenery changed and the fox vanished.   
"Oi! The hell?" He spun around and took in the sudden scene change. An acrid odor filled the air, as did a grey-black haze. It reminded him of smoke, actually...   
"Sano! Snap out of it!" He heard the redhead yelling, but could hardly see him.   
"Wake up! You'll die if you don't!" Kaoru's voice added.   
"What?!" Sano's eyes widened.   
"Sano." Souzou also appeared in the haze, freezing the rooster in his tracks.   
"Teichou-" He gaped.   
"You're asleep. The building caught fire, and if you don't wake up soon, the roof is going to fall on your head." The Sekihoutai captain explained briefly. "And then you won't ever be able to go back to your Megumi-san."   
"Megumi-!" Sano sat bolt upright and realized that his dream was right. The building WAS on fire.   
"Kuso-!" In a flash, the rooster was on his feet and out the door, and not a second too soon. Just moments after he got clear, the roof collapsed, the fire starting to spread to a few other nearby structures.   
The three ghosts let out a collective sigh of relief as Sano stormed away from the wreckage, cursing.   
By morning, the fire had burned itself out, and Sano was down by the docks again. Selling his horse off hadn't been too difficult. After talking at length with some of the captains, he found the one he'd been looking for, and in short order had booked passage back to the island nation.   
_Ghosts or what, they're right._ Sano gazed thoughtfully over the water. _If I wait too long..._ He thought back to Kenshin and Kaoru. If he hadn't found the redhead, Kenshin would have died alone, away from Kaoru. He certainly didn't want to end up like that. The ghosts' visit had been the kick in the rear he'd needed.   
While he had time to kill before the boat set sail, he used some of the leftover money to acquire some new (and clean) clothing, and took the time to get cleaned up, meaning a good shave and a haircut. He wanted to impress the others (Megumi especially) with how much he'd grown up since he'd left, and looking like a bum certainly would not help any.   
_Arigatou Kenshin, Jou-chan, Sagara-teichou._ He thought to himself as he watched the harbor recede into the distance. _Megumi, I'm coming home. Wait for me just a little longer._   
__ __

Author's notes: Sorry for the delay, but.. *shrugs* Anyways, I think this last chapter got a little waffier than I usually prefer, but I think it's still good. And yes, our dear little redhead was decked out as a girl ^o^. I can just picture Sagara Souzou with swirly-eyes after getting clobbered by Kaoru for some comment. I didn't want to come UP with the actual comment- I'll leave that to your imaginations.   
Quick note about language usage- I know Sano refers to Souzou as Sagara-something-or-other-starting-with-a-t, so I looked up "captain" on a Japanese>English dictionary online, and it came up with 'teichou', which certainly sounded right to me. If anyone out there with a better grasp of Japanese than I do knows otherwise, please, feel free to correct me ^^;   
And I just remembered what else I wanted to say! I finally got done with the Kyoto arc of the anime, and have some better ideas for the chapter dealing with Shishio. But I need some help peeps. I need volunteers. People who want to have some representation of themselves in Hell, probably for the sole purpose of pestering, bothering, annoying, or otherwise interacting with Shishio and his crew. You don't have to like the guy, but you do need to be willing to be 'dead'. If you'd like to be party to the madness that will be "Hijinks of Heaven and Hell", I need the following information, either in an email or a review-   
1) Your name/pen name (so I can give you credit)   
2) Your email address (so I can let you know when that chapter is finally up)   
3) The name/gender you want your persona to be known in the story. (Preferably a name name. Not an online type of name. Like my persona will not be Firefury Amahira. She'll probably be like Stephanie Amahira or something.)   
4) A little bit of information about your persona. Whether you love or loathe (or anything in between) Shishio, and some quirks and crazy things your persona does. The crazier the better, since Shishio's going to find out conquering Hell ain't all it's cracked up to be ^.~ *evil laughter*   
I don't know how many people will actually volunteer, but hey, it worked for Talaco-san's party with the Kenshin-gumi, so I might as well give it a shot ^.~   
Next up for the story... I'm thinking either Continued Chaos in Kyoto, or the Enishi chapter. I changed the 'chapter 10' to my 'to do' list for the story, so there's some expanded information on stuff, including a little bit about the future chapters that will deal with Saitou. ^.~   
And, as always, reviews and comments are greatly appreciated, minna-san! 


	12. Act 11: Tormenting the Tiger

**Twisted Paradise******

Act 11: Tormenting the Tiger (Or "The Himura Wives Club- Part Three") 

Disclaimer: This humble (and somewhat odd, twisted, and otherwise strange) author has yet to acquire the funding to purchase the rights to Rurouni Kenshin. So no, I still don't own it. 

Notes: Yeek. Another long lag time between chapters. Bad me! Let's see... I'm amazed by the number of volunteers thus far for the Hijinks chapter o_O;. Many apologies to the peeps who have emailed me with their volunteer information- I haven't had a chance to reply @_@. Many thanks in advance to all you volunteers, (who's personalities and stuff I suspect I'll completely get wrong, but...) for allowing me to use you guys in the story. I've still got a few chapters to go before I get to Hijinks, so there's still plenty of time for people who haven't signed up yet to do so.   
J.Liha, JML, Ayce Shade, Prudence-chan, Karina, Arashi, Jaok Drysso, Kori Suketchi, Sano (Very flattered!), Colleen, and everyone else who's reviewed the story (in some cases, who have reviewed the story more than once!), many thanks! I'm glad you guys have gotten a kick out of my crusade against Seissouhen Depression Syndrome! I imagine the lag time between chapters would be even worse without the knowledge that people are actually enjoying my work =)   
Please forgive my likely butchering of Enishi's personality- I've tried to not spoil myself too badly on the Revenge Arc, so I've kinda only got Seissouhen to go on, which I understand goes about Jinchuu completely different than in the manga. Though you guys certainly seemed to really have a blast reading the previous installments of the Himura Wives Club, despite my butchering of Tomoe's personality, so... We'll just have to see how this goes. (Rest assured, Colleen, the fire from the last chapter will be explained!)   
Long-winded author's opening completed, onward with the madness de gozaru yo! *grin* 

"I wonder how Megumi is going to react when Sano shows up back home?" Kaoru pondered aloud as she and her redheaded hubby roamed the streets of Shanghai. Souzou had left to go follow after Sano, leaving the couple to their own devices.   
"Kaoru-san?"   
"Himura-san?" A pair of surprised voices chorused from behind the two ghosts, who spun around and almost collided with an equally surprised Tomoe and Akira.   
"T-Tomoe-" Shinta briefly wondered why just the sight of his first wife almost invariably made his brain cease to function.   
"What brings the two of you to Shanghai?" Akira got over his surprise and asked, flinging the door to conversation wide open and almost knocking it off its hinges.   
"We were just visiting an old friend." Kaoru began, her mind, unlike Shinta's, still fully operational. "Just needed to give him a nudge in the right direction."   
"I see." Tomoe nodded knowingly. "Playing matchmaker and trying to get him to hook up with a woman?"   
"How... how did you guess?" Shinta finally recovered some, if not all, of his wits.   
"Been there, done that." Akira grinned. He gestured to Tomoe, who was already engaging in some girl-talk with Kaoru as the two women got caught up on events since they last spoke. "We got her baby brother to shack up with a really nice foreign woman he seemed to be attracted to."   
"I see... I think." Shinta sweatdropped. He mentally added 'talking to the ghost of some guy I killed who helped scar me for life' to his top ten list of strange experiances.   
"Yeah." Akira grinned and rested an arm on the shorter redhead's shoulder companionably. "She's a real looker, too-"   
"Oro!"   
"-not that I'm complaining about Tomoe at all, but I'm telling you, Himura, this girl is just astounding! I mean, she's got one hell of a set of-" Akira was abruptly silenced with a well-placed *thwack!* from Tomoe, who had borrowed Kaoru's trademark bokken.   
"Did I mention Akira's truly awful fetish, Kaoru?" The older female ghost continued her conversation with Kaoru, while a dumbfounded Shinta gawked at Akira's form sprawled all over the ground.   
"Oro..."   
While Shinta helped his fellow man get back on his feet, Kaoru and Tomoe got all caught up on events since they'd last chatted in The Himura Wives Club- Part Two. Not that this took all that long- the last time they'd spoken HAD only been maybe a week or two ago. In short order, the two women had moved on to a much more interesting topic- what they were up to now, as opposed to what they had been up to a week ago.   
"Actually, Kaoru, I was on my way to check on Enishi." Tomoe noted. "Do you happen to have any other pending plans this evening?"   
"This evening?" Kaoru blinked, wondering where the older ghost was going with this. "No, not that I can think of... Shinta and I are going to be heading to Kyoto, but that can wait. Why?"   
Tomoe smiled slightly, almost deviously. "Want to come along? Ever since his 'Jinchuu', he's had quite the fixation on you. It's almost ruined his marriage once or twice."   
Kaoru was almost tempted to steal her husband's 'oro'. "M-marriage?! He's married?"   
Tomoe nodded, and glanced over at the two guys, who appeared to be reminicing over old times- or rather, Akira was reminicing, and Shinta was 'oro'ing and trying to remain politely interested in the conversation.   
"It seems they'll be busy for awhile, Kaoru." Tomoe sweatdropped at her fiancee's antics. "When Akira gets going about something, he can keep busy for hours."   
"I see..." Kaoru also sweatdropped. "I guess I wouldn't mind going. After he disappeared, I admit I was worried once or twice about what he would do next."   
Tomoe nodded slightly. "He had spent so long living for revenge... he was in pretty bad shape until he ran into Fi-chan. But that's something of a story unto itself."   
"Fi-chan?" Kaoru inquired, one eyebrow raised.   
"That's the only name I know her by. So far as I know, she's from the Americas, but she seems to be a runaway. My brother found her fighting off a couple of drunks, and out of surprise more than anything, I think, came to her rescue. Afterwards, she managed to talk her way into staying with him, and over time he got quite attached to her, but I don't think he had any clue what to do about it until Akira and I gave him a shove in the right direction." Tomoe smiled at the recollection. "He was afraid his oneesan wouldn't approve, I think. But after I had a little talk with him, he got his act together."   
Kaoru tried and failed to imagine the pale-haired young man in the situation described. Curiousity won out, and she agreed to tag along to go visit. "Shinta, I'll be back in awhile! Have fun with Akira-san!" She waved and took off after Tomoe. 

Meanwhile, in a decidedly more posh area outside of town, a pale-haired young boy was contentedly playing in the shade of a large tree. His bright blue eyes widened and a big grin spread over his face when he saw two female figures coming up the road toward the house. Leaving his toys, he bounded to his feet and ran over to greet the two.   
"Auntie Tomoe!" He happily declared. The two ghosts stopped as the young boy ran up to them, Kaoru more out of surprise. Tomoe smiled and knelt down to face the boy.   
"Ohayo Haru-chan!" She greeted the boy, a ghostly hand ruffling his scruffy white hair.   
"Did you come to see 'tousan again?" The youngster asked.   
Tomoe nodded. "Would you go get your otousan and tell him he has company?"   
"Hai!" With an enthusiastic nod, Haru ran toward the house and disappeared inside.   
Kaoru looked at Tomoe as she stood back up, awaiting an explanation. "He can see you?"   
"Yes. Young children and family are generally more capable of seeing spirits. Don't you recall having any 'invisible' friends when you were little, Kaoru?" Tomoe strolled over to the tree Haru had been playing under and reclined in its cool shade.   
"Well... as a matter of fact..." Kaoru looked thoughtful for a moment. "... So THAT's why my parents never saw them!"   
Tomoe nodded. "It shouldn't take Haru long to retrieve his father." 

Meanwhile, inside the well-furnished house, a pale-haired man sat at a desk in the lavishly-supplied study, reading over a short note sent by the people he'd hired to set fire to the derelict warehouse in Shanghai that he'd wanted to get rid of for some time now. On top of freeing up the land for a more useful structure, he could collect the insurance on the old building. True, the American company that he'd insured the property with wouldn't be happy, but the money he would get for it would go toward his merchant fleet.   
"'Tousan!" Haru knocked as he opened the door.   
"What is it, Haru-kun?" The older pale-haired male inquired, looking over the note at the chibi. Of course, you, the reader, are intelligent enough to figure out that I'm talking about Enishi, and that he's Haru's daddy.   
""Tousan! Auntie Tomoe is here! She and another lady are waiting outside!" Haru beamed.   
"Oneesan's here?" Enishi promptly jumped to his feet and banged his legs on the desk, comically cringing with an exaggerated expression that illicited a giggle from the boy.   
Enishi was swiftly out the door and heading for the meeting place he and his oneesan had agreed to after they'd found out that his son could also see the ghost. Fi had never gotten used to the idea that her hubby often saw the ghost of his dead sister, and she'd just about fainted when Haru started claiming to see the dead woman as well. The two pale-haired guys had spoken with Tomoe and, to keep from further disturbing Fi, had agreed to regular visits, away from the house so that Haru wouldn't scare his mother half to death waving and saying hello to his 'Auntie Tomoe' whenever he saw her.   
Enishi came to a halt near the tree when he saw two female figures, rather than just his oneesan or Akira. He could swear he recognized the dark-haired woman who was with Tomoe, but it took him a long moment to match a name to the face.   
While Enishi was fishing for her name, Kaoru studied him, surprised at how much he'd changed. He still looked fairly youthful, and still had the same drop-dead amazing build she remembered (not that she had any problems with her rurouni, but still, she had to admit Enishi WAS very well-built!), but he looked like he had matured in the past fifteen years.   
"I'm surprised you don't remember me." Kaoru opened the conversation, crossing her arms and sizing up the slightly dumbfounded male. "After all, you dragged me to some remote island and-"   
"You're-!" Enishi's jaw sagged open as the reminder jogged his memory. "But-!" He promptly looked around, expecting to find Battousai nearby.   
"Himura's not here right now, Enishi." Tomoe noted as Haru rejoined them.   
"Auntie Tomoe, who's this?" The chibi peered up at Kaoru. "She's a spirit too!" He declared, which got a surprised noise from Enishi, who hadn't yet made that realization.   
"D-d-" The former psychopath attempted and failed spectacularly to make a coherent sentence.   
"And in case you're wondering, yes, 'Battousai' is dead, too." Kaoru noted with a pointed look. While Enishi busily attempted to recover his capacity for speech, she bent down and introduced herself to the chibi, who seemed very pleased to have made a new friend. Kaoru had to admit, there was no mistaking the boy for anybody but Enishi's son.   
Kaoru glanced around the well-tended gardens and at the relatively nice manor that sat in the middle of it. "Seems you're doing well." She noted.   
Numbly, Enishi nodded, having run into a fresh obstacle- just what DO you say to the woman you kidnapped, said you were going to kill to traumatize her boyfriend, and then nearly killed said boyfriend in front of her?   
Kaoru, sensing Enishi's difficulty in conversation, continued on, rather enjoying his discomfort. It seemed perfectly reasonable to her, after what he'd put her through. "Do you still have that island retreat?"   
"H-hai." Enishi mumbled. "We spend our summers there."   
"'We'? Kaoru grinned. "Tomoe-san told me about your wife. Is she nice?"   
"'Kaasan made 'tousan help with the laundry today!" Haru helpfully added to the conversation, resulting in Enishi turning a light shade of red.   
"Is that so, Haru-chan?" Kaoru looked at the chibi with a wide grin.   
Haru nodded. "An' the other night she made him cook dinner, an' yelled when he made a big mess in the kitchen!"   
Enishi was discovering a few new shades of red. So much for whatever image Battousai's woman had of him. Kaoru was busy trying not to burst into hysterics at the mental image of either scene, and Tomoe was calmly surveying the scene and questioning the wisdom in inviting Kaoru along.   
Kaoru clapped her hands together with a certain amount of evil glee. "It sounds like your okaasan really likes your otousan!"   
The chibi nodded again, his white bangs falling into his face. "'Tousan really really likes 'kaasan, too! We all got to go on a big trip, and ride on a really big boat, and saw lots of funny old buildings..."   
"Haru-chan, didn't your okaasan say you needed a bath today?" Enishi finally recovered his voice and looked down at the chibi, who paled and turned pleading eyes on his father.   
"But 'tousan! Auntie Tomoe and Kaoru-san are here! Can't I take a bath later? I'm not dirty!" Haru pouted.   
Enishi and the two ghosts looked over the dirt and mud that had accumulated on Haru's clothing and hands from his playing in the mud earlier.   
Tomoe took the chance to salvage the situation. "We should be going, anyway, Haru-chan, Kaoru-san has other plans, and I need to go find your Uncle Akira."   
At this news, Haru pouted even more, but didn't protest. "Tell Uncle 'Kira that I caught him looking at 'kaasan again!"   
The two ghosts took off while Enishi led a sulking Haru back to the house, and even at that distance, they could hear the chaos that must have commenced when Haru got into the bath.   
"That... was probably once of the strangest situations I've ever seen." Kaoru noted, wondering why Tomoe had cut her fun short.   
"We should probably go rescue Kenshin from Akira." Tomoe sweatdropped. "And I need to deliver Haru-chan's little message. May I borrow your bokken again?"   
"Not a problem." Kaoru smirked. "Just, this time, if you hold the sword like so..."   
And the two women flew off to retrieve their signifigant others, exchanging tips on how best to beat the daylights out of them. 

Author's notes: ... Eh, I think I could have done more with this chapter, but it works, I think. Next up, Continued Chaos in Kyoto! As always, reviews are appreciated, and if you haven't volunteered for "Hijinks of Heaven and Hell" chapter yet, but want to, I just need your name or pen name, email, name, gender, and description of your 'persona', and whether you like, loathe, or whatever Shishio. I can be reached at xellos_san@hotmail.com   
And don't worry, Sano x Megumi fans, I fully intend to do some more with them when the ghosts return to Tokyo!   
By the way, if you like Twisted Paradise, there's some other fics I've gotten hooked on that are similiary warped! One is "The Morning After" by ArtemisMoon, which is a rather humorous take on what happens AFTER all those lemon stories. (And then some! NO character is safe in that!) Another, is (OH YAY! You updated it tonight Colleen! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! *ahem*) "The Dragon and the Maiden" by Colleen, which is a VERY nifty alternate universe fantasy-style Kenshin x Kaoru fic. Lastly, I HIGHLY recommend "The Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" by Gochan. Like Twisted Paradise, it takes what most would treat as a serious subject, and holds nothing sacred. It's a GREAT comedy fic dealing with how Kenshin went from being the hitokiri to the rurouni. *runs off to celebrate Colleen updating!* 


	13. Act 12: Continued Chaos in Kyoto

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 12: Continued Chaos in Kyoto 

Disclaimer: To say that I own Rurouni Kenshin would be like saying pigs can fly. In other words, I don't own it. 

Notes: Whee! Heyllo again, minna-san! At long last, the next 'story arc', such that it is! I've really been looking forward to the Aoshi x Misao chapters, in part because I've got a full-blown "to do" list specifically dealing with them and their daughter Kumiko. Anyways, one more quick note before we dive into the upcoming silliness- I'm all set up to email people (even though only two have voiced interest in an update notification list), so if you'd like to be alerted when I add a chapter, lemme know so I can add you to the list. 

"'Tousan?"   
"Hn? What is it Kumiko-chan?"   
"'Kaasan is resting, an' she said I should come play with you."   
Aoshi looked down at his daughter from some papers he had been reading. "I'm trying to work-" His protest crashed and burned before even getting off the runway. The dark-haired chibi turned piercing blue puppy eyes on her father.   
"Pleeeeease, 'Tousan? Pretty pretty please?" Kumiko hopped up and down in place.   
"... All right." Aoshi put the information he had been looking at away. "What do you want to play then?"   
"Yay!" Kumiko pounced Aoshi. "I want to play tea ceremony! All the other girls are busy though."   
"Kumiko-chan, what does that have to do with playing tea ceremony?" Aoshi raised one eyebrow.   
"So first we get to play dress-up!" Kumiko announced happily, taking her father by the hand and leading him to her room. 

Two pairs of ice blue eyes regarded each other warily, each sizing up their opponent across the subject of dispute- an old pink and blue kimono that was too disgustingly cute to legally exist without a license.   
"Pleeeeeease, 'Tousan?"   
"I am not wearing that, Kumiko."   
"But 'Tousaaaaaan!" Kumiko stuck her lower lip out and pouted. "It's supposed to be tea between two girls! And since none of the other girls can play..."   
The former okashira found himself unable to withstand the assault as the six year old chibi handled the kimono, looking about ready to burst into tears at her father's unwillingness to play dress up with her.   
"... All right, Kumiko-chan." Aoshi relented the battle. "So long as no one else knows."   
The chibi brightened up immediately. "Okay, 'tousan!" 

Thus, when the stars of our story arrived, this was the sight they saw...   
Shinomori Aoshi, famous for his coldness, renown for his fighting ability with his twin kodachi... was sipping tea, while wearing the most disgustingly adorable pink kimono ever. Apparently the chibi had also managed to talk him into doing his hair, as he had a pair of hairsticks haphazardly in place, since his hair was far too short for odango of any kind. Meanwhile, the little girl was similarly dressed in an adorable kimono, with her raven hair up in a bun.   
Kaoru had to clamp both hands over her mouth to keep from bursting into hysterics on sight, and Shinta's eyes had widened to the size of large dinner plates, while an almost inaudible 'oro' escaped his lips.   
"'Tousan! You're doing it wrong!" The chibi pouted and insisted. "You need to hold it like THIS!"   
The two ghosts watched with amused grins as the little girl scolded Aoshi and drilled him on how to PROPERLY drink his tea.   
Not having a very long attention span, the little girl quickly grew bored of the game, and allowed Aoshi to return to wearing his normal attire. While he was getting changed, Kumiko glanced toward the far wall and looked confusedly at the two ghosts.   
"Who are you?" She asked, toddling over to an equally confused pair of ghosts.   
"Oro..." Shinta was at a loss.   
Kaoru smiled and knelt down in front of the chibi. "I'm Kaoru, and this is Shinta." She handled the introductions easily. "What about you, chibi?"   
The little girl puffed up with pride. "Shinomori Kumiko. My 'tousan led the Oniwabanshu-" She stumbled a bit over the big word, but continued. "-an' some day I'm going to, too!"   
The two ghosts exchanged looks briefly. "Is that so?" Kaoru raised an eyebrow.   
Kumiko nodded enthusiastically. "But 'kaasan's in charge now, so I gotta wait."   
"Kumiko-chan, who are you talking to?" Aoshi returned, pulling on his trenchcoat.   
"My new friends, 'tousan!" Kumiko beamed. "Don't you see them?" She gestured in the direction of the two ghosts, who tactically remained hidden.   
Aoshi shook his head and looked down at the chibi. "More invisible friends, Kumiko?"   
She nodded, which earned a slightly exasperated sigh from her father.   
"I wanna play outside now, 'tousan!" Kumiko climbed up onto a handy chair and jumped into Aoshi's arms. The two ghosts tagged along, exchanging grins.   
While Kumiko was running around in the Aoiya's garden, Aoshi used the time at least somewhat productively and attempted to meditate. Attempted because, well, with Kumiko running around laughing and shouting and getting into the mud and then climbing onto his shoulders and then into his lap, actually SUCCEEDING with his meditation was another story entirely.   
Aoshi stoically regarded the mud that the little girl had tracked all over his clothing, and then looked down at her. "What is it, Kumiko-chan?"   
"I wanna horsey ride!" She beamed at him. "An' you can't say that getting dirty is an excuse not to! 'Kaasan's going to make us BOTH take a bath now!"   
Aoshi regarded the chibi carefully. So she'd had a plan in mind when she went jumping in those mud puddles and then climbing all over him? The girl was extremely intelligent and clever for her age, and coupled with her mother's spunk... in short, she was a handful.   
While two very amused (or was that 'stunned senseless'?) ghosts watched, Aoshi shrugged out of his soiled trenchcoat and got down on his hands and knees for the little girl, who jumped up onto his back and nearly made the former Oniwabanshu okashira kiss the dirt. At Kumiko's urging, Aoshi started forward and paced in a large slow circle in the garden. This was all fine and dandy for the little girl at first, but in short order she was bored of the pace. "Faster, 'tousan! Horseys GALLOP an' go fast!"   
Aoshi sweatdropped. He was already certain that he was going to need to beg a back rub out of Misao after this, and his daughter wanted him to go faster? He tried to protest, but one long pleading "Pleeeeeeeeease, 'Tousan?" from Kumiko and he was helpless to resist.   
After several minutes of Aoshi running around on all fours with a delighted chibi on his back, Misao emerged on the porch and grinned at the sight. It had taken her some time to get through the former okashira's icy exterior, but it had been worth it. Any of his remaining coldness was more of an act than anything. When Kumiko had been born, it hadn't taken the baby girl more than a minute in her father's arms to wrap him around her little finger.   
"Aren't they so adorable together?" Kaoru whispered to Shinta.   
"Oro.... Aoshi.... 'adorable'?" Shinta sweatdropped.   
"Oh come on, Shinta." Kaoru LOOKED at her redheaded hubby. "Kenji had you wrapped around his little finger just as much as Aoshi's daughter has him. Granted, Kenji never made you play dress up..."   
"He was more interested in yanking my hair and biting." Shinta sweatdropped at the recollection.   
Meanwhile, perhaps due to Aoshi trying not to get any muddier than he already was, he had failed to notice Misao watching.   
"'Kaasan!" Kumiko shouted and waved happily, suddenly springing from Aoshi and catching him completely by surprise. Showing remarkable agility for her age, the little girl landed on her feet. Aoshi, meanwhile, unintentionally showing his age just a little, was caught off guard by his daughter suddenly leaping off, and he slipped and fell face-first into a particularly muddy patch.   
Kumiko pointed and giggled at her father and he peeled himself out of the mud. Misao nearly bent over in hysterics at the fact Aoshi was trying and failing spectacularly to look as calm and cool as he normally did. Dripping mud certainly ruined the effect.   
The two ghosts were similarly laughing at the scene, completely unaware of five other ghosts also watching the scene from the roof with bemused grins.   
"It's not funny." Aoshi stated flatly.   
"Come on, Aoshi-" Misao managed between giggles. "-you should SEE yourself!"   
"'Tousan's all dirty!" Kumiko giggled happily.   
"I wouldn't go calling your otousan dirty, Kumiko-chan." Misao eyed her similarly muddy daughter.   
"But he is!" Kumiko protested.   
"So are you." Misao pointed out.   
"That was to get him to play horsey with me, 'kaasan!" Kumiko beamed with pride at the success of her little plan.   
"I see." Misao raised an eyebrow and looked over at Aoshi, who had cracked a slight grin at the total absurdity of the situation. "Dinner's going to be ready in awhile, Aoshi. You and Kumiko had better be all cleaned up by then!" Misao fixed the pair with a bemused glare.   
"See, 'tousan?" Kumiko looked up at Aoshi. "I told you 'kaasan would make us both take a bath!"   
Aoshi nodded slightly at his daughter's observation. "We should take care of that then." Aoshi picked the muddy chibi up and headed in the direction of the bathhouse. _Knowing Kumiko-chan, the simple act of bathing is going to turn into a game._   
The two ghosts listened as a series of splashes, squeals, and other random noises were emitted from the bathhouse a short time later.   
"Oro..." Shinta's eyes widened at a particularly loud crash from within.   
"... Her father's intelligence and her mother's excessive spunk." Kaoru sweatdropped. "Bad combination."   
"Ano... Kaoru-dono, weren't you the one squealing about how adorable she is?" Shinta glanced at the bathhouse as Aoshi's voice was suddenly muffled and Kumiko could be heard laughing about her father's 'new hat'.   
"Well, she is adorable!" Kaoru protested. "I'm just glad I'm not the one who has to take care of her!"   
"Aa." Shinta sweatdropped.   
"Long time no see, Himura-san!" A familiar, but unexpected voice announced from behind.   
"Oro-?" Shinta glanced over his shoulder. 

Author's notes: Oh, evil evil me! Another cliffhanger! You can probably guess who the other ghosts are =p I know the ghosties didn't do much this chapter, but I wanted to help establish Aoshi and Misao as they are fifteen years after the series before diving more thoroughly into the ghostie business. For those who are wondering, Kumiko is six years old (going on seven), has black hair part way down her back, and has blue eyes like her father. As I'm sure the chapter made clear, she's also quite adorable, and more than a handful. *snicker* And for those who are interested in Enishi, Fi-chan, and Haru... well, if there's any authors out there who'd like to write something of a side story about them, be my guest, since I don't feel I'm quite capable of expanding more on those characters and doing a good job of it. And I have to thank Jeanie-san for the idea of Aoshi playing tea ceremony with Kumiko. >=D   
Other things of interest... If there's anyone out there with artistic talents who'd like to try and draw Aoshi and Kumiko, please, let me know! Also, I'm still taking volunteers for the Hijinks of Heaven and Hell chapter, and I've got an email list set up for people who want to be alerted to a new chapter being posted.   
And my recommended reading for this chapter... A nifty reincarnation fic, "Surfacing Hearts" by chibi-angel is a good read, though tenses occasionally get mixed up. It's a very good read. Also, if you want to see ALL the guys (including some of the secondary guys) get picked on, and if you don't mind falling off your chair in hysterics, go read "Juunishi" by Arashi. It sort of crosses over some stuff from Fruits Basket, but you don't need to have seen Fruits Basket to enjoy the mayhem that befalls the RK guys =p   
So... next time, we find out about the other ghosties hanging around the Aoiya, and more chibi chaos ensues! 


	14. Act 13: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 13: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto 

Disclaimer: All I own is the strained knee I got attempting Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki. I suppose I got off lucky though with just a strained knee. I still can't say that I own Rurouni Kenshin. 

Notes: Whee! Many thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story and reviewed! And a big thanks to Gochan (author of "A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy") for plugging Twisted Paradise! Belated happy 19th birthday, Gochan! I apologize for the delay for this chapter- with Anime Expo less than a month away, I've been getting busy. After the convention, I'll probably post pictures of my sister and I in our Kenshin and Kaoru costumes. (I just hope my feet don't commit suicide like they did last year from the heels on my Relena Darlian costume @_@). And while the e-mail and reviews inquiring about Enishi, Fi-chan, and Haru are flattering, I'm afraid to say that I don't think they'll be making another appearance in this story. = I just don't feel I could work with Enishi on something more expansive than Act 11 and do a good job of it. But if there's another author out there who wants to use Fi-chan and Haru in their own story, by all means, go ahead! Just send me a review or email to let me know so I can point my readers to it =) Anyways! On with the story! 

Shinta and Kaoru both gawked in surprise at the group that neither the former hitokiri nor the former kenjutsu instructor had noticed while they'd been so occupied watching Aoshi and Kumiko.   
"Why the surprised look, Himura-san?" The apparent leader of the group grinned widely, stroking his thin beard.   
"O... Okina-dono?" Shinta found his voice after it had fled him in surprise a few moments earlier.   
"You're dead?" Kaoru blurted out in surprise.   
"He was already old back during the entire mess with Shishio. It's obvious the old pervert would have to clock out sometime!" One of the other members of the group, a short, beady-eyed man with a pointed nose and a wild spray of hair noted dryly..   
"Old pervert?" Okina whirled on said short guy indignantly.   
"Okina, we've all caught you tailing young women to their baths."   
"... That's beside the point, Hannya!" Okina flailed.   
The two taller men in the group just exchanged looks of "Yeah, right."   
For a moment, the ghostly Kenshin-gumi members regarded the ghostly Oniwabanshu members. After all, what DO you say to somebody you saw slaughtered by a gatling gun?   
"So... how've you been?" Beshimi boldly kicked the door to small talk down.   
"Um... pretty good, considering we're dead." Shinta awkwardly replied.   
"What about you guys?" Kaoru inquired, glancing in the direction of the bathhouse as Kumiko could be heard squealing something about pretending to be a water dragon, followed by Aoshi yelping in surprise and a series of loud splashes and thunks.   
"We've continued to look after our okashira." Hannya answered her, also glancing at the bathhouse as a sweatdrop slid down the back of his head. "Both of them."   
"And showing Okina here the ropes of being dead!" Shikojo grinned and slapped the old man in question on the back companionably, sending Okina flying.   
"He only died a year or two ago." Hyottoko watched as Okina went sailing overhead before regaining control of his flight and landing while Shikojo grinned sheepishly at the old man, one hand behind his head while he sweatdropped.   
"Ano... Aoshi said something to Kumiko-chan about 'invisible friends'. Would that be you guys?" Kaoru asked, changing the subject.   
Hannya nodded, smile evident in his voice. "We were all very happy for Aoshi when he finally admitted his feelings to Misao."   
Okina nodded sagely. "Misao has grown into a wonderful woman."   
"... Who we've caught you peeking at in the bathhouse." Beshimi eyed the old pervert, who fell over.   
A few more crashes and shouts from the bathhouse, and Kumiko came running out laughing, clad in a clean kimono, and followed shortly thereafter by a thoroughly frazzled looking Aoshi. While the ghosts watched, he halfheartedly told the excited chibi to stay out of trouble, and went into the building. After he disappeared inside, the chibi spotted the ghosts and ran over.   
"Hannya-kun!" Kumiko crowed, leaping at the ghost, who managed to catch her before she could get into the mud again. "Wow, everyone's here!" She beamed.   
"I see you gave your otousan a hard time." Hyottoko grinned at the chibi, who nodded enthusiastically.   
"'Tousan didn't like his new hat though, Hyottoko-kun." Kumiko pouted momentarily. "But he was really funny trying to get it off!"   
"Is that so?" Okina eyed the chibi who currently had her arms around Hannya's neck.   
The stars of our story were again somewhat stunned speechless. After all, all they had ever known of the Oniwabanshu members was primarily related to a single battle. They'd never seen these people under normal circumstances, and had no way to know how they were around their loved ones.   
"Oh, I didn't see you there!" Kumiko waved happily at Shinta and Kaoru. "I guess you already met all of my other friends, right, Shinta-kun, Kaoru-san?"   
All eyes turned momentarily to Shinta at Kumiko's casual use of an unfamiliar name for the redhead.   
"Oro..." He oroed. "Hai, Kumiko-chan."   
"'Tousan doesn't believe me when I tell him about everyone." Kumiko pouted for a moment. "'Kaasan sorta does though, I think."   
"Your otousan just likes to have solid evidence. Something he learned leading the Oniwabanshu." Okina grinned at the chibi.   
"Oh! Oh! Guess what, guess what, Kaoru-san!" Kumiko clabbered out of Hannya's arms and ran over to Kaoru, her young mind leaping rapidly from one subject to another.   
"What, Kumiko-chan?" Kaoru looked down at the chibi, letting the little girl have her fun.   
"My birthday is tomorrow! I want everyone to come!" Kumiko happily declared.   
"Really, Kumiko?" Kaoru raised an eyebrow at the chibi. "And how old will you be tomorrow?"   
Kumiko looked thoughtful for a moment, counting on her fingers. "I'm six now... so... tomorrow I'll be seven! I asked 'kaasan if I could invite everyone, and she said I could, so I don't think she'll mind two more people!"   
The two ghosts exchanged brief looks. The chibi certainly threw a gigantic monkey wrench into whatever plans they'd made. Of course, monkey wrenches didn't exist in Meiji era Japan, but that's beside the point. Fact was, any mischief the pair had been planning had to be re-plotted.   
"So can you come?" Kumiko turned pleading ice blue eyes on the pair when they didn't answer immediately. "Please? Pretty please? I wanna introduce everybody to 'kaasan and 'tousan!"   
"Oro..." Shinta looked to Kaoru for an answer.   
"I'm sure we'll be there." Kaoru grinned. Obviously she'd already done the re-plotting. "Right, Shinta?"   
"Oro... Hai. We'll be there Kumiko-chan." The redhead nodded.   
"Kumiko! Get inside before you catch a cold! It's time for dinner and you better not have gotten muddy right after having a bath!" Misao called out from inside the Aoiya.   
"Oops. I have to go now. I'll see everyone tomorrow!" Kumiko turned and ran to the building, waving at the ghosts from the porch before following a bemused Misao inside.   
"If you'll excuse us, Himura-san-" Okina looked over at the two amused newly-ghostified. "-we'll take our leave now as well."   
Shinta and Kaoru nodded and headed off for a moonlit stroll to pass the time until morning. Kumiko's birthday would be an interesting day indeed... 

Closing notes: *evil giggle* Well, checked off some more stuff on my "to-do" list for this story arc. Got a surprise plot twist for the next chapter that should make several of you out there happy. You can probably expect much chaos, and Kumiko's only partly responsible! Expect many "oros", some sweatdrops, some fangirlish behavior, and possibly Aoshi getting hit in the face with a food item or two. Plus proof for him that Kumiko's invisible friends are in fact real. Boy, he's gonna be in for a surprise!   
In other repeat news, I'm still taking volunteers for "Hijinks of Heaven and Hell", though I think I'm closing in on having plenty of people for it. Also, got three people on the update mailing list now, and if anyone else would like to go onto that list, say so in a review and make sure I can get your email addy. I can also be reached at xellos_san@hotmail.com. I appreciate everyone's support, and hope you all continue to enjoy the fic! And also, if you haven't read it already, go read Gochan's "A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" and leave her (at least, I'm assuming Gochan is a 'her' ^^; Gomen if I'm wrong!) a review! If you like my brand of humor, you'll LOVE hers! Anyways, signing off for now! Comments, reviews, e-mail, etc are always appreciated! =) 


	15. Act 14: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto: ...

**Twisted Paradise**

Act 14: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto- Part Two 

Disclaimer: *waves frantically* Watsuki-sensei! I'm not making any money off your characters, I'm just being one of those fans who _really_ loves them so much that I'm devoting so much of my time and effort to my fanworks! And thanks so very very much for signing my Kenshin Kaden book at Anime Expo! 

Author's notes: Finally! The next chapter to this madness! Tweaked the story description after a reviewer by the name of Kartos pointed out the obvious to yours truly about spoilers in the description. As you might have guessed from the disclaimer, I got to meet Watsuki at Anime Expo, and I got his autograph, to boot! (If anyone wants to see the pictures, go to http://rpstudios.ian-justman.com/AXpics/ to see the list. I'm the Kaoru cosplayer in the yellow and orange kimono! We've got more pictures to put up still, including the one of my sister and I in costume posing with Watsuki-sensei, but there's a lot of piccies already, including a few very weird ones we took the last day of the con when we had time and memory card space to burn. There was one Saitou cosplayer who seriously, right down to his blasted aura, looked and felt like the real thing walked right out of the anime/manga and into Long Beach. Gave me the creeps.) Haven't worked on TP in awhile due to preparing for the expo (and man, I have a whole new respect for Kaoru. I don't know how the hell she manages to dress herself without help whenever she wears a kimono x_x; My sister had to help me get into costume. Which is kinda a weird thing, given she was cosplaying as Kenshin =p) Anyways, seems I missed the chaos of trying to update a fic when ff.net was being all loopy (though the RK poem I wrote, "Wanderer" got caught up by that mess so nobody's really seen it ;_;) Anyways! I should probably close the opening ramble and get on with the fic! 

Kumiko's birthday dawned bright and cheery, the Aoiya bathed in the light of the rising sun, still nice and quiet as Aoshi sat down to get in some meditation before everyone else awoke. The peaceful atmosphere held no warning of the utter chaos that would ensue in a matter of hours.   
All Aoshi wanted was to sit on his (very cute) butt and do absolutely nothing for just a few minutes. Kumiko would hopefully sleep in just a little so that the former okashira could get himself properly centered and grounded for the hectic day ahead. It was still very early in the morning, the sun having just peeked over the horizon, so Aoshi figured he was safe.   
"'TOOOOOOOUSAN!!!!!!"   
Yeah, right. About as safe as, oh, say... an Imperialist in the middle of the Shinsengumi headquarters during the Revolution.   
Kumiko, still in her sleeping attire, came barreling out of the Aoiya like a cannonball from a cannon and ran to Aoshi's hiding spot in the garden with frightening precision. "Tousan! My birthday's finally here!" The chibi pounced Aoshi happily.   
"Really now, Kumiko-chan?" Aoshi raised an eyebrow and ruffled the little girl's unruly black hair. "Shouldn't you still be in bed?"   
"I couldn't sleep, 'tousan!" Kumiko grinned. "And today you'll get to meet all my friends!"   
Aoshi raised his other eyebrow at that. He took Kumiko's accounts of her invisible friends with a grain of salt. "I see. But you need to go back inside, it's cold out here, and your okaasan will have my head on a stick if you catch a cold." He shooed the chibi toward the building and attempted to resume his meditations. This time, however, he was startled out of the attempt by something completely nonsensical.   
As soon as he'd shut his eyes and started to meditate, he could have sworn he saw Okina and the other dead Oniwabanshu members peering at him, as well as Himura Kenshin and the redhead's wife.   
"Oro-?" Shinta blinked and watched Aoshi jolt out of his meditation and look around in confusion.   
"He probably saw you, Himura-san." Hannya noted. "I think when he's meditating, he can see us when we happen to wander through his field of vision."   
The others nodded agreement to the theory, which they had tested numerous times on the former okashira, much to the detriment of his meditation.   
The ghostly gathering watched with varying degrees of amusement as Aoshi determined there was no one around and resumed the lotus position. After several minutes of the birds chirping and not much else, Shinta acted completely out of character.   
He floated into the air above Aoshi, and dropped upside-down into the former okashira's field of vision, sticking his tongue out and overall making a funny face, just an inch or too from Aoshi's nose.   
Aoshi's eyes flew open and his kodachi flew threw the air the ghost occupied in an instant, more a reflex than any intent to butcher the former hitokiri he could almost swear he'd just seen. Swords still in hand, the decidedly boggled former okashira looked around, perplexed.   
"Himura-san?" He glanced around, trying to figure out what the hell he'd just seen behind his closed eyes.   
While Shinta was cracking up, and Kaoru and the others giggling or trying not to laugh, a delighted squeal sounded from the Aoiya.   
"'Tousan, that was great! I wanna know how to do that!" Kumiko hopped up and down in the doorway.   
Oh, so much for Aoshi getting some nice quiet time to himself in the morning... 

Several chaotic hours later, the garden was decorated to the little girl's satisfaction, but not before she'd managed to run Aoshi, Misao, and everyone else (the dead folks included) ragged. While the party was only going to consist of Kumiko, Aoshi, Misao, Omasu and Okon, (Shirojo and Kuro were out of town on Oniwabanshu business.), the chibi had insisted that places be set for all her 'friends'.   
While the women were in the kitchen preparing food for the little party, Aoshi was stuck keeping an eye on the excited chibi. The little girl disappeared inside the building, and Aoshi thought he had a few peaceful minutes to himself. Inside, however, the ghosts were trying to pick up Aoshi's slack.   
"Ne, Kumiko-chan, you shouldn't go in there-" Okina weakly protested as the little girl began poking through her mother's things.   
"Oro..." Shinta watched with wide eyes as the little girl proceeded to go through all of Misao's clothing (including the tattered robe the spunky young woman had with her when the rurouni had met her en route to Kyoto), and with a delighted little giggle, the girl found what she had been looking for, and held the packet up triumphantly.   
"What the-?" Kaoru started to say when it dawned on her just _what_ the chibi had picked up.   
Before the ghosts could react (not that they could do a whole lot anyway), the little girl ran from the room laughing happily, the words "-just like 'kaasan!" drifting back to the dead group.   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped. "I feel really sorry for Aoshi, that I do."   
The rest of the ghosts nodded solemn agreement.   
Aoshi sneezed and resumed his meditation. While Kumiko was occupied in the Aoiya, the former okashira hoped to catch some of the quiet time he was denied that morning.   
Yeah, right. We saw how well that sort of reasoning worked in the morning.   
Try as he might, Aoshi couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. He didn't sense any danger, just that he was being observed by some unseen entity.   
Which would explain why when something metal and pointy poked lightly at his leg, he jumped up in surprise as a second object hit the ground next to him with a dull thud.   
He was startled out of the act of unsheathing his weapons by Kumiko laughing at him.   
"'Tousan made a funny face!" She declared between peals of laughter.   
Aoshi then took proper stock of the situation. The object that had poked him first turned out to be one of Misao's kunai, poorly thrown so that the dagger had more or less just snagged his pants rather than done any real damage. Second, the item that had hit the ground next to him was yet another one of the little daggers, also weakly thrown. Thirdly, Kumiko was standing a short distance away, standing in her best imitation of Misao about to kunai somebody to a wall (as he himself had been once or twice when Misao was pregnant with the little girl). The small roll with the daggers lay at Kumiko's feet, and she clumsily had a fistful of the knives, her hands still too small to properly have a full set of five in hand at once.   
Beshimi sweatdropped at the clumsy throws while Aoshi was still trying to figure out how best to scold the girl.. "Kumiko-chan, you should wait until you're a little older and bigger to throw your okaasan's kunai at your otousan."   
"But I threw them really well, didn't I?" Kumiko looked at the ghost hopefully. Unable to tell the little girl that, in fact, she didn't, Beshimi fidgeted.   
"Those knives are still a little big for you, Kumi-chan." Hannya bailed his fellow ghost out of the hot seat. "But I suspect when you're a little older, you'll be able to throw them just as well as your okaasan."   
"Really?" Kumiko bounced happily.   
"Kumiko..." Aoshi finally figured out how to go about scolding the girl for playing with Misao's favorite set of sharp pointy objects.   
"Hai, 'tousan?" Kumiko fidgeted, her sense of 'uh-oh, I'm in trouble' having just started to kick in. So she did what any intelligent seven year old would do. She turned full power puppy eyes on her daddy.   
"....." Aoshi promptly found any will to get angry or even mildly annoyed at the girl sapped by her ultimate fighting technique."... You should let your otousan know when you plan to throw knives at him." He finally said. _...I suppose someone ought to help her learn to use them properly so she doesn't have an accident._ He mentally added.   
"Hai, 'tousan!" Kumiko nodded, satisfied to herself in the knowledge that her father wasn't going to scold her.   
"But since you found those, someone should show you how to properly use them." Aoshi continued.   
"I think she's better at the innocent routine than Kenji ever was." Kaoru noted idly as Aoshi began to instruct the little girl on sharp pointy object safety.   
Meanwhile, inside, Misao went to her room to get changed for the birthday party. She slid the door open to find.... a mess. A big one. And her kunai were missing. Her FAVORITE set. (It had been Aoshi's gift to her at the wedding.)   
Outside, the ghosts watched in amusement as Aoshi coached the little girl on how to throw the knives better and without risking injury.   
_Wait a minute..._ He picked up one of the knives and looked at it. _This is..._   
And all activity came screeching to a halt as a voice only a mother can generate boomed from the doorway, riveting adult and child, living and ghost alike to the ground.   
"SHINOMORI KUMIKO!" 

Closing notes: Okay, so the stuff with the party itself got bumped back a chapter. Gomen! I think we all know 'the tone'. I know that I could always tell just how bad I was in trouble by the tone and number of names. If it was just "STEPHANIE!", I wasn't in too deep and could probably puppy-eye my way out of it. If it was "STEPHANIE AMAHIRA!", then I knew I was in kinda deep and would probably get grounded for a few days or something. But if it was "STEPHANIE MICHELLE AMAHIRA!", then I knew I was doomed beyond all hope.   
Let's see... other news type stuff... 4 people on the update notification list thus far! J.Liha- sorry I didn't update for like, 3 or 4 weeks. Like I said in my excuses-ur... opening notes, I was getting ready for/at Anime Expo ^o^. Joak- I'm glad TP's helping with yer depression =) Kartos- I fixed the description so it's not so much a spoiler =p Now could you say whether or not you like the story? =p Raphie- It wasn't meant to be quite so angsty/bittersweet, since this is a humor fic, but I hope you like it!, Prudence-chan- I have no idea if Aoshi will utter Kenshin's kawaii little catch-phrase. We shall see >=D Jason- You have NO idea.   
Recommended reading- First, I must shamelessly plug my little RK-ish poem, "Wanderer". It got kinda lost amid the chaos with ff.net a couple weeks back. ;_; Also, I suggest "Young Again" by Fitz- a humorous yet somewhat deeper piece in which the phrase "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it" takes on a whole new meaning. (I could not help but squeal "KAWAII!" out loud while reading it.). And, this is more of an author recommendation than a single fic. I **HIGHLY** (See, I even used bold font!) recommend Unseen Watcher's stories. Mostly one-shots, but also a couple of fledgling multi-chapter projects, most of which take on unusual and very original concepts, particularly in 'Ties of Loyalty', which is a very kickass story focusing largely on Hiko and Kenshin.   
As for the Hijinks chapter, I think I've got enough people now. If you still want to get in though, your persona had better be pretty nutty.   
And one final thing, a plea to you RK trivia experts out there! If anyone knows how old Ayame and Suzume are at the start of the anime, please clue me in! (Also, I always get this mixed up- which one of the two is older? I need to know for a future chapter! @_@)   
As always, reviews or emails are appreciated! 


	16. Act 15: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto: ...

**Twisted Paradise**   
Act 15: Continued Chibi Chaos in Kyoto- Part Three

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin, de gozaru yo! *flails* I only own Kumiko-chan, Haru-chan, and Fi-chan! And the idea for this crazy fic. But I'm not making any money off of it, so please don't sue! All you'd get is a few quarters and a stack of incomplete Gundam models and other assorted anime merchandise! 

Author's notes: Mwa ha ha! The party is here! Fujifunmum (isn't that name a handful? @_@)- Well, AX had it's high points and low points. I'll probably write up a rant/account of the thing =p J.Liha- thanks! Let me tell you, I have a whole new level of respect for Kaoru after wearing that getup! And I cheated on the obi- it was sorta a pre-tied thing that just hooked to the back of the rest of the obi. How in the hell does Kaoru manage to TIE hers to look like that?! @_x LiquidCell- I'm glad you like the fic, and yes, Seissouhen is insanely depressing, especially to a diehard fan like me that gets all emotionally attached to the characters ^_^ Suiren- It's a good fic, I hope you update it again soon! Vesca- Well, she attempted to throw a kunai at him, at least. I imagine once she's a little older she'll be quite the hellion >=D 

Kumiko sighed and leaned against the wall in her bedroom. Because it was her birthday, Misao had only sentenced the girl to staying in her room until the party got underway. Shinta and Kaoru had excused themselves to see what was going on outside, leaving the Oniwabanshu ghosts to keep the hyperactive little girl company.   
Aoshi was presently on the receiving end of a scolding from Misao for slacking in his duty to watch Kumiko and prevent things like the kunai incident in the last chapter from happening. When Misao was done, the little party could then commence.   
Kumiko shot out of her room like a bullet from a gun when Omasu said the girl could come out. The ghosts regrouped at the table set up in the garden, exchanging concerned looks at each other about the chaos that was inevitably going to commence when the little girl introduced her 'invisible friends'.   
"Wow..." Kumiko eyed the prepared food with stars in her eyes. The women of the Aoiya had made all her favorites! Right down to the bunny rice balls! "'Tousan! Look! 'Kaasan and everyone made my favorites!" She ran up to Aoshi, cupping one of the rice bunnies carefully in her hands.   
Aoshi regarded the gleeful look on the chibi's face, wondering briefly to himself at how quickly she had forgotten having been in trouble not even an hour prior. He sometimes found himself wishing he could forget the past as easily.   
Kumiko glanced off to Aoshi's left and held the rice ball animal up to some unseen person. "Ne, Shinta-kun, isn't it adorable??"   
Aoshi raised an eyebrow and pondered to himself if this was just a phase the girl would outgrow. He glanced over at Misao, who was similarly regarding their daughter with a curious expression.   
Shinta sweatdropped, well aware of the odd looks in his direction. "Hai, Kumiko-chan, it's very adorable, that it is." The redhead smiled to himself- he had shown Misao how to make the rice ball rabbits when he had been staying at the Aoiya prior to fighting Shishio.   
Misao looked down at Kumiko. "Shinta-kun? Another one of your friends?" She inquired of the happy chibi, who nodded.   
"I made some new friends yesterday, 'kaasan!" Kumiko beamed, indicating Shinta and Kaoru. "Shinta-kun, Kaoru-san, this is my 'kaasan!"   
Misao went a few shades lighter upon recognition of one of the two names. "... Kumiko-chan, did you just say 'Kaoru'?"   
"Hai, 'kaasan!" Kumiko beamed, blissfully unaware of the surprised looks on everyone else's faces.   
Misao and Aoshi exchanged looks. Kumiko had told Misao once about the other five 'invisible friends', but Misao had thought it better if Aoshi didn't know that Kumiko claimed to see Hannya and the others. She didn't discredit the notion, given that she still clearly recalled seeing and hearing Hannya during the battle against Shishio's men, but she felt it probably wouldn't help Aoshi's still-healing psyche. For all she adored him, Aoshi was just too grounded in reality to easily give credit to the supernatural.   
Aoshi knew that Kaoru was the name of Himura's wife. That just did not make sense- he had been informed that they were both dead. Then again, his almost swearing he had seen not only the redhead and his wife, but also the long-dead Oniwabanshu didn't make much sense to him. Ghosts? Maybe, but it didn't to be a terribly logical explanation.   
Before further awkward silence could commence, a familiar voice startled the group, living and dead alike, from the previous discussion.   
"Tori-ko! Geez, I come all the way down here, and it's dead quiet like somebody died! I thought there was supposed to be a party?"   
And with that line, Hiko stepped into the garden, a wrapped package slung over one shoulder, stunning Shinta senseless.   
"Sh-Shishou?!" Shinta gaped, mind not computing this. Hiko, Mr. Arrogant Anti-Social himself, dropping by the Aoiya? Tori-ko? What?   
Omasu and Okon immediately went starry eyed as their chosen idol of manliness strode over to the gathering.   
"Surprised, Himura?" Okina grinned ear to ear at the stunned redhead.   
"Orororo..."   
"I'll take that as a yes." The old man stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Let's just say that Aoshi isn't the only guy Kumiko's won the heart of."   
While Shinta could only gape in slack-jawed shock, Hiko strode over to the chibi, who was making an indignant face at the big man.   
"I HAVE a name, Hiko-san!" She insisted, though her eyes were glued to the wrapped package.   
"I know, but Tori-ko suits you." Hiko smirked down at the little girl while Omasu and Okon were fawning over him in the background.   
"Did you really come all the way here for my birthday?" Kumiko put her hands on her hips and glared up at the big guy dubiously.   
"Of course not!" Hiko raised an eyebrow at the little girl. "I had to get more sake, and thought I'd drop by and annoy your okaasan."   
"Oooh. Okay!" Kumiko beamed while Misao glared kunai at Hiko.   
While Shinta and Kaoru gawked at the exchange, Hiko set his package on the table with Kumiko's presents, an eager chibi tailing along after him.   
"Misao and Aoshi brought Kumiko up the mountain when she was four years old." Okina explained with a grin. "Misao insisted on coming with Aoshi to pick up a flower vase she had commissioned, and Kumiko insisted on going with her parents. I doubt your shishou will ever admit it, but she's gotten him wrapped around her finger almost as bad as Aoshi is."   
"Orororo..." Shinta was still trying to compute the new information.   
"How... weird." Kaoru blinked. "Who would've thought HE'D have a soft spot for little kids?"   
Shinta refrained from commenting that it made a little sense, being that the big guy HAD taken him in.   
Hiko, meanwhile, thought he felt a familiar presence, but wondered to himself what the hell his baka deshi's ghost would be doing hanging around the area. He also had made the trip down from his mountain home just to attend the little girl's birthday, not that anyone would actually catch him admitting to it.   
Kumiko, meanwhile, had found a couple of long sticks, and had somehow managed to badger Aoshi it play-dueling with her. Well, on one condition.   
"This stick is too long." Aoshi pointed out, hoping to avert the chibi's attention from play-fighting.   
"Ooh." Kumiko nodded thoughtfully, regarding the long piece of tree. "I know! I'll break it in half!"   
Kumiko grunted and tried to bend the stick to break it. The stick, however, didn't like the idea too much and refused to break no matter how much force she tried to apply to it.   
"... 'tousan! You try and break it!" Kumiko pouted and held the offending object out to Aoshi, while Hiko watched with an amused smirk.   
Aoshi studied the stick for a moment and tried to break it himself. He was moderately surprised when it refused to break. True, the thing was a little under an inch in diameter, but a swordsman of his strength ought to have been able to break it without much difficulty. Well... granted, he had slacked off considerably in his practice ever since becoming a father, but still. He frowned thoughtfully, debating using one of his kodachi to break the damned thing.   
_No, she'd see the real swords and want to play with those. Bad idea._ He corrected to himself.   
The score thus far: Aoshi: 0. Stick: 1   
"'Tousan can't break it!" Kumiko fell over backwards giggling at the perplexed look on Aoshi's face, before taking the stick back and running over to Hiko, holding the offending piece of wood up to him. "Hiko-san can break it though, right? Since he can 'beat down the guy that beat down 'tousan'?"   
Aoshi just shot a dark look at Hiko, since the thirteenth master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu was undoubtedly the source of Kumiko hearing THAT particular idea. Hiko carefully accepted the stick with a smirk.   
"Of course I can break it!"   
Meanwhile, Kaoru felt her temper rising. "Somebody really needs to deflate his ego."   
"Maa, maa, Kaoru-dono, shishou's not that bad, that he's not." Shinta recognized the signs and tried to pacify his wife.   
"Go for it!" Okina beamed.   
Well, so much for that.   
Hiko held the ends of the stick in his hands, and slammed it down across his leg, a tactic that normally worked well enough on pieces of wood that needed breaking. (Hey, it worked the last time he had to break some idiot's bokken, after all!). However, this stick was apparently made of tougher stuff than most bokkens, as it remained stubbornly in one piece.   
Current score: Aoshi: 0. Hiko: 0. Stick: 2   
Hiko covered a sharp intake of breath, because damnit, that hurt! Had the stupid stick simply broken like it ought to have, he wouldn't have just basically hit himself in the leg with a blunt object and considerable force. It'd probably leave a bruise.   
Kumiko watched with wide eyes. True, to her, her daddy was the bestest strongest guy in the whole wide world, but Hiko-san was a giant compared to her daddy, so he should be able to break things her daddy couldn't.   
"... Careful with that stick." Misao quirked an eyebrow at the antics of the men. "Don't hurt yourselves."   
"Maybe 'kaasan can break it!" Kumiko suggested.   
"No, Kumiko, 'kaasan's not up to breaking sticks." Misao rolled her eyes and munched on a rice ball, pondering upon the weird quirks of the opposite sex.   
"I know! I know!" Kumiko bounced up an down. "I have an idea!"   
"And that would be, Tori-ko?" Hiko raised an eyebrow at the girl.   
"Hiko-san holds the stick, and 'tousan attacks with that kempo stuff!" Kumiko beamed, proud of her plan.   
Aoshi shrugged. "It's worth a try."   
"If that didn't break it," Hiko glared at the offending stick that dared defy him, "I don't think your kempo is going to break it." But he held the stick up for the attempt any way.   
Aoshi took a stance, and attacked the stupid stick.   
Score: Aoshi: 0. Hiko: 0. Stick: 3.   
"Itai-!" Aoshi winced. "What's this stick made out of?!" So the kempo didn't work, either.   
Kumiko pouted at the two guys while nibbling at a rice ball. ""Tousan and Hiko-san can't break my stick!"   
While several amused ghosts watched, Hiko contemplated the stick, found a large rock in the garden, and prepared his ultimate attack against the stupid thing. His ego had been challenged, and he would not let Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu be beaten by... a stick. A twig. A piece of firewood!   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped as Kaoru peered at the rock Hiko had chosen, a wicked little grin on her face. He was starting to feel really bad for his shishou. There was nothing scarier than Kaoru plotting something.   
Hiko pinned the stick against the top of the rock with one foot, and balanced carefully on the hunk of stone. If his sheer strength couldn't break the stick, then certainly the combined weight of himself and his mantle would snap the blasted thing!   
Kaoru, meanwhile, stole around behind the precariously balanced thirteenth master, and waited for her chance. Hiko shouted and stomped his other foot down on the protruding end of the stick, and smirked as he heard a resounding *SNAP!* and felt the wood give way. But then an unseen force hit him hard in the back, throwing his already precarious balance completely off and introducing him to gravity, and then the dirt, his ankle slipping awkwardly on the remaining end of the stick he was standing on.   
Dead silence descended on the garden, aside from Kaoru's triumphant smirk and evil little chuckle, Shinta's tiny shout of 'oro!', and Omasu and Okon immediately asking Hiko if he was all right.   
"Hiko-sama! Did you hurt yourself?" The two women/devout fangirls offered to help the humiliated man to his feet.   
"No, I'm fine!" Hiko retorted in annoyance. There was something not right with what just happened, almost like when his baka deshi's ghost had shown up not too long ago and yanked his cloak.   
"Kaoru-san!!" Kumiko ran over to the ghost who was still standing behind the rock she'd pushed Hiko off of. "That wasn't very nice! 'Kaasan says it's not nice to push people!" She scolded some unseen entity.   
"Kaoru?" Hiko was started from his annoyance (humiliation, more like it. Not that he would admit to being embarrassed about slipping like that.) by the chibi addressing someone or something by the name of his baka deshi's wife.   
"Hai!" Kumiko nodded. "Kaoru and Shinta are two of my new friends!"   
While the name "Shinta" had thrown virtually everyone ELSE off, Hiko knew exactly what that meant.   
_Her invisible friends are ghosts?_ Hiko raised an eyebrow from where he was sitting. A weird concept, but one that oddly made sense.   
"Baka deshi!" Hiko scowled in the direction he was sure the redheaded ghost was. "Can't you keep your woman under control?!"   
Well, that got a reaction out of everybody else. Misao knew that Hiko often referred to Kenshin as his 'baka deshi', and Aoshi had learned that fact from her.   
"Oro!" Shinta oroed and glanced over at Kaoru and the other ghosts. The gig was probably up.   
"... I would assume the letter from the Kamiya dojo informed you that he's dead. The letter we received said as much." Aoshi pointed out.   
"And my baka deshi's too stupid to go to heaven after he's dead!" Hiko retorted, standing up.   
And immediately falling back down as pain shot through his ankle. He at least refrained from cursing in front of the chibi, but the big guy was Not Happy. His unexpected fall must have twisted or sprained his ankle.   
Final score: Aoshi: 0. Hiko: 0. Stick: 4   
"Hiko-sama-?" The fangirls stared as their idol visibly refrained from using a choice selection of words.   
"Are you all right-?" Misao peered over at the fallen giant.   
"... it's sprained." Hiko finally admitted. Omasu and Okon exchanged wickedly happy glances.   
"Oh no! You can't go all the way up the mountain with a sprained ankle, Hiko-sama!"   
"That's right, you'll just have to stay here until it heals!"   
Oh, those were two **_VERY_** happy fangirls.   
Aoshi was a few sentences behind the conversation, still stuck on Hiko's declaration that Himura's ghost was apparently hanging around.   
"Himura-san?" He finally managed to salvage his voice. If the ex-hitokiri's spirit was hanging around, then...   
"I knew it!" Misao declared happily, and indicating in the process just where Kumiko got her energy from. "Then Hannya-kun and the others are really hanging around, too! I swear I've seen them!"   
"Hai!" Kumiko bounced up from her seat happily. "Beshimi-kun promised to show me how to throw stuff better!" In her enthusiasm, she grabbed a random item off the table (in this case, the rice ball she had been nibbling on), and demonstrated just how much she had learned in the art of throwing things, accidentally pegging Aoshi smack in the face with the warm sticky rice.   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped at the sudden flurry of activity, while Aoshi registered the rice sticking to his face after a long moment.   
"Okashira." Hannya made himself heard from behind Aoshi, who was, and probably for the first time in his life, stunned stupid. "Himura-san is not the only one 'too stupid to go to heaven'." The masked ghost's statement was echoed moments later by the other members.   
Aoshi, once renown for his impassive, cold mask, found himself left utterly speechless, with tears in his eyes, that he had refused to shed years ago, in the mistaken notion that it was a sign of weakness. The significance of which was not lost on those gathered there.   
"'Tousan! Can I open my presents now??" Kumiko's voice burst in on Aoshi's thoughts.   
Okay, so maybe it was lost on the chibi. 

Author's notes: Damnit! I _would_ have put this up on the 11th, given that, being the one year anniversary of the attacks on the WTC and Pentagon, a lot of people are going to be depressed, and I wanted to get this done and posted not only to fight Seissouhen Depression Syndrome, but to also give people at least a little something to smile about. But ff.net shut down operations for the day in memory of the lives lost in the attacks. Understandable, I suppose. But still. While there is grieving to be done, lives to be remembered, we shouldn't allow ourselves to fall into a pit of despair and wallow in it. It's important to remember, but sometimes you need to forget, to heal.   
I've got quite a bit of recommended reading and other things, so here goes.   
1) On the subject of 9/11, my sister and I last year assembled a tributes page where people could send in rambles, poetry, pictures, drawings, etc, getting their feelings out, whatever they might have been. This site is still up and still open for business at http://rpstudios.ian-justman.com/tribute/tribute.html (My poem, "A Thousand Voices" kicked it off, and several friends contributed their own works afterward.)   
2) I recently wrote a one-shot POV fic from Kenshin's point of view, "Eyes of the Innocent". Kinda angsty, but it's not totally dripping angst. According to my sister and beta-reader One, it is a little angsty, but she didn't come away from it feeling angsty. I'd appreciate it if you guys took a look at it ^^;   
3) Ah! The recommended reading! I again sing the praises of Unseen Watcher's "Ties of Loyalty". Go read it! I also highly recommend, if you want to dive willingly back into post-Seissouhen angsty stuff, Suiren's "What Dreams May Come", which, to my understanding, lifts some of the plot from the movie of the same name. And she promises a happy ending. If you're into kinda unusual AU type stuff, Talaco's "Walking on Water" is a good read, it's certainly unique so far as the AU/reincarnation genre goes.   
4) **Added 9-12-02**- This is an outrage. Granted, I may not write fanfiction rated NC-17, but I do occassionally enjoy a good lemon. So here we have ff.net down for patriotic reasons and such, and they spring this "We're removing NC-17 rated fics to pacify the whiny parents who bitch and moan about their darlings reading stuff that's CLEARLY labeled as such!" bullshit! Even if you're not into NC-17 rated fanfiction, please go to http://www.petitiononline.com/KEEPNC17/petition.html and sign. It's not so much about NC-17 fics, which are **_clearly_** labeled (and you have to hit a button on a popup window to actually read one- you don't 'accidentally' stumble onto something like that), this is about ff.net's increasing censorship of fanfiction! And, no offense to people who submit original works to the site, but why the hell are they focusing so much more on original works? The site is called **fan**fiction.net, not fanand**original**fiction.net. Okay, ranting over for now. ^^; 

And, to close my chapterly spiel! I owe Hiko's nickname for Kumiko (Tori-ko, or 'Little bird') to Jeanie-san! And the idea of spraining an ankle while breaking a stick... well, that basically happened to my sister's boyfriend. She tried to break a stick while they were out at the park, it wouldn't break, he tried to break it, he did basically what Hiko did. Only he didn't have any ghosts to blame for it. It was his own fault! Why Hiko? He's just that fun to pick on =p 

If you want to be emailed about updates, lemme know in a review or something. Reviews, as always, are appreciated! 

And, to steal a quote from Trigun fans: 

Love and peace! ^_^ V 


	17. Act 16: Catering to the Sano x Megumi Fa...

**Twisted Paradise**   
Act 16: Catering to the Sano x Megumi Fans

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin (I'm still wishing for it though! Hey, my birthday is coming up! Watsuki-sensei, will you give me Kenshin for my birthday??? Pretty please? I promise to take good care of him! Honest!) 

Notes: Orororo! *falls over* Gomen, minna-san! I've been hit with a bit of writer's block lately, and I couldn't quite figure out what I want to do next with the fic. As for this chapter, I'm taking a sort of time out and taking the story on a little side trip for a chapter. Don't worry, everybody's favorite ghosties will be back in action, if not by the end of this chapter, than in the next one =p I hope you all don't terribly mind ^^; 

Somewhere in Kyoto....   
"Hiko-sama, do you need anything? Tea? Food? Sake? A massage?"   
"KUMIKO! COME BACK HERE WITH YOUR FATHER'S KODACHI!"   
"And your mother's kunai!"   
"'Tousan! 'Kaasan! Catch me if you can!"   
So, not too surprisingly, chaos was reigning supreme and uncontested in the Shinomori household. 

Elsewhere, totally and completely unrelated to the aforementioned situation, Sano stuck his hands in his pockets and grinned, taking in the sights, feelings almost as though he had never left.   
"Fox, I hope you're ready for a big surprise!" He smirked, gnawing idly on a fishbone he'd found specifically for that day, while strolling down the changed, but still familiar, streets of Tokyo. He noted with smug satisfaction to himself that the police officers he passed in the streets didn't seem to recognize him, despite his having cut and spiked his hair and shaving the stubble from his face. _I guess they'd be looking for the old me._ Sano continued walking, debating stopping at the Akabeko and seeing how Tae and Tsubame were doing.   
The rooster's journey back to Tokyo from Shanghai had taken considerably longer than he would have liked, but it didn't matter now. Adjusting his newly acquired Western-style denim pants and loose white shirt, he marched boldly down the path that would lead him back to the dojo. Back home.   
As he neared the old building, Sano began to hear the rhythmic sounds of kenjutsu practice, and, feeling a bit mischievous (or perhaps a little nervous), he jumped into one of the trees and peered down into the grounds below.   
_Red hair-? KENSHIN-?! No, wait... that can't be right._ Sano nearly fell out of the tree when he first saw a redhead swinging a shinai around. The redhead turned slightly, and Sano put two and two together and got four. _No scar, perfectly healthy... 'che, that's their son? The chibi sure looks a hell of a lot like his father._ Sano grinned slightly as he saw Yahiko- now grown, correcting the boy on his swings, which resulted in the indignant redhead shouting a less-than-complimentary remark to his mentor, which then resulted in Yahiko giving the kid a Death Glare that he had to have learned from Kaoru, before the redhead stuck his tongue out and took off running.   
"Kenji, you jerk! Come back here!"   
The pair disappeared around the corner of the bathhouse, and Sano considered making his entrance.   
Until a familiar figure emerged from the bathhouse, dressed in a fresh kimono, dark hair still damp from bathing. The rooster head found himself transfixed as Megumi came fully into view.   
_She's aged._ Sano noted. _But damn, she's still beautiful._ While Megumi did indeed look a little older and more stressed than he last recalled her being, he'd learned a few things in his wanderings, such as how wine, no matter how good it tastes young, becomes even better with age. The rooster had come to the same conclusion about certain women.   
Meanwhile, Megumi glanced around. There was just something in the air all morning, almost as if the city was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. Something big. She heard some leaves rustle, and thought she caught a blur of movement out the corner of her eye, but when she looked, there was nothing there.   
"Oi, Fox! What're you lookin' for?" A familiar voice rang out from the direction of the gate. Megumi gasped and spun around to see who was there, not daring to hope she'd heard right.   
After the series of stressful, unusual, and downright WEIRD things that had happened in the past month or so, the last thing she'd expected to find was Sanosuke, fishbone in place, leaning against the gate, with a confident smirk on his face.   
_Tori-atama?!_ Megumi found herself momentarily not in control of her basic motor functions and spent a long moment just gaping at Sano. He'd grown up since he'd left Japan all those years ago, no longer was he a lanky teen, but a nicely-toned grown man. The rooster's strange Western clothing certainly helped emphasize this fact.   
"Miss me, Fox?" Sano grinned, hoping Megumi's shocked look was a _good_ thing.   
After another long moment of no response, Sano walked over. "Hey, you all right? Y'look like you just saw a ghost."   
"S-sano?" Megumi finally regained her senses. "What are you doing here, rooster head?"   
"Hoping to bum dinner off you guys, what else?" Sano took the foxy doctor's use of her favorite insult as a good sign, and grinned.   
"You--what?!" Megumi's shock wore completely off and she was back in action, shooting an impressively annoyed look at Sano. "You hardly write letters, nobody knows if you're even alive for years, and you think you can come waltzing back in here and freeload like nothing happened?!"   
"Of course not, Fox." Sano glanced around the dojo grounds. "Yahiko-chan's sure doing a good job keeping the place tidy. How y'been, Megumi?"   
Megumi was about to fire off a suitably sarcastic response when the rooster's use of her real name and not a nickname registered. She slumped slightly. "I've been better, Sano. You?"   
"A building nearly had to fall on my head before a couple of ghosts talked me into comin' home." Sano offhandedly replied. Megumi's eyes widened slightly at the casual mention of ghosts.   
"Ghosts-?"   
Sano nodded, grinning. "I think y'know who I'm talkin' about, Fox. Jou-chan and Kenshin, right?"   
Megumi nodded agreement, hardly able to believe that the dojo's residents hadn't been the only ones the ghosts had paid a visit to.   
Kenji came barreling around a corner and nearly slammed into Sano and Megumi before he could skid to a halt, Yahiko following suit moments later. The two stared for a moment, Kenji in confusion, Yahiko is disbelief.   
"Who-?" Kenji started to ask when Yahiko interrupted.   
"SANOSUKE?!" The Tokyo samurai gawked.   
"Long time, no see, Yahiko-chan!" Sano smirked, watching Yahiko's expression turn from stunned to irritated.   
"Don't call me CHAN!"   
Thankfully, Yahiko did not resort to his childhood response of jumping up onto Sano's shoulders and biting his head. He did, however, skillfully employ a favorite tactic of his late teacher.   
In short, Sano got clocked with a bokken.   
"Itai-! Good to see you too!" Sano winced at the large lump on his head.   
Poor Kenji was completely lost, as he stared with growing confusion at the scene playing out in front of him.   
"Ano.... Yahiko-kun?" The redhead sweatdropped.   
"You wouldn't know him, but-" Megumi informed the redhead. "-this guy's an old friend of your parents."   
Sano stopped rubbing his sore head and regarded Kenji for a long moment before introducing himself. "The name's Sagara Sanosuke." Sano paused for a moment before thinking it might be a good idea to employ a tiny bit of manners. "Y'got my sympathy, kid, about losing your folks. They were both exceptional people, and I'm not talking about their kenjutsu."   
Kenji nodded slightly, starting to connect this tall stranger with the stories he'd been told about the so-called 'rooster head'. "Himura Kenji." He introduced himself. "And... thanks."   
"This is great!" Yahiko beamed. "Sano's back! We should go celebrate at the Akabeko." He grinned wickedly. "Tae still has your tab, by the way. And she's been calculating interest."   
"Eh... heh... great." Sano sweatdropped. He honestly hadn't expected Tae to STILL remember just how much he owed on his tab. "And actually, Yahiko, much as I'd love to see if you can hold your sake any better than you used to, I'd rather just go with Megumi. We can get all caught up on things later."   
Megumi blinked in surprise. The rooster wanted... to take her out to dinner? He really _had_ grown up.   
"Ooh, I get it." Yahiko grinned. "C'mon, Kenji, let's go make our dinner and leave the rooster and the fox to go have their romantic evening together- ITAI!"   
Sano dusted his hands off and left a very befuddled Kenji to heft his travel bag off Yahiko. "Y'comin', Fox?" 

Dinner had been an awkward event at best, with Tae making a big fuss over the moocher's homecoming, and Sano and Megumi making small talk throughout the meal. Both had relaxed considerably when they left and ended up walking along the riverbank.   
"Feels like it was just yesterday we were all walking by here coming back from Kyoto." Sano remarked. "I had a lot of fun traveling around the world, but nothing beats coming home."   
Megumi nodded slightly, wondering where the evening would take them. "It's been awhile." She admitted. "Things have changed so much since then."   
Sano was silent for a long moment. It felt strange, but not unpleasant, to be talking with Megumi on even ground. Before, he had always felt like she was looking down on him. Maybe it was because the two of them were the oldest of the surviving Kenshin-gumi, or maybe it was because they had both matured since the old days. Maybe a little bit of both. "Y'know, while I was gone, I think I missed you the most, Fox."   
The pair stopped and Megumi regarded Sano thoughtfully for a moment. "I think I missed you too, Tori-atama." She found herself smiling at how silly they both must have sounded. There was no 'think' about it. She had missed him, missed his wisecracks, their verbal sparring matches, missed the roguish aspect the ex-gangster added to the dojo's eclectic crew of freeloaders that had somehow formed a family.   
"Y'know, you still look amazing even after all this time." Sano noted.   
"And it seems you've finally grown up." Megumi glanced amusedly at Sano.   
"Speaking of growing up... I got something for you." Sano removed one hand from his pocket. "Took me a lot of effort to get it and all..."   
Megumi's curiosity was piqued. After all, what could that silly rooster have gotten for her?   
Sano smirked and held out his hand, his fist concealing whatever he was holding. "We aren't getting any younger, Fox, and this isn't anything fancy but..."   
Without further ado, Sano revealed what he was holding, and Megumi let out a little gasp of surprise.   
A small silver ring, nothing fancy, as Sano had said, and mounting a small amethyst stone on it.   
While Megumi accepted it, a solitary ghost watched over the proceeding, a satisfied smile on his face.   
"It's about time you had happiness, Sanosuke." Souzou said to no one in particular. "I'll have to let Himura and his wife know that their plan worked." 

And somewhere else entirely removed from the sappy scene previously mentioned...   
"Ayame-san? Are you all right?"   
"Hai, I'm just thinking."   
"About what?"   
"I wonder if Ken-niichan ever came back or not."   
"I would imagine he did. It's still odd though, even after all this time, it's still strange to me to hear you call the man known as the Battousai your 'Ken-niichan'."   
"I don't care what he was known as then, Seta-kun. He's always been the nicest person ever as far as I can remember, and he's always been my Ken-niichan."   
"So you've said." 

Closing notes: Eh... little sappy for my tastes, but I think it works. Just a short little intermission type of chapter, since I think starting next chapter (and oh, aren't I evil, leaving you all with another cliffhanger?), the story is going to start to shift gears toward the grand finale everybody's been waiting for ^_~   
**JML-** Hey, at least Hiko has the ghosts to blame. My sister's boyfriend hurt himself breaking a stick without any help! =P   
**Sagara Sanosuke-** Keep yer shirt on, Tori-atama, the Hijinks aren't too far off now! >=D   
**Vesca-** Don't hurt yourself by laughing and falling off your computer chair =p And that is a good idea you've got concerning the NC-17 rated fics!   
**Chibigreen Tanuki- **Weeell, not so much Aoshi and Hiko getting beat up _by_ a stick, more like Aoshi and Hiko beating themselves up _on_ a stick =p   
**J.Liha- **I just have this thing for making guys who are usually extremely stoic end up showing some kind of emotion you wouldn't generally expect to see. =) Sorry it's been a couple of months between the updates though! ._.;;   
**Mystic Wolf- **Glad you liked the story, and yes, "demon bird kick" is pretty much what it is. And done, you're on the list! (I imagine if you're reading this, you already saw the update notice sitting in your inbox =)   
**Victoria- **Glad we got that misunderstanding sorted out, and good luck on your stories!   
**Fujifunmum-** I dunno... ff.net's been more aggravating than depressing in my opinion! 'Ray of sunshine'... funny, I was thinking more along the lines of it being like 'a caffeine jolt early in the morning' ^-^ (Granted, I'm running almost entirely on caffeine at the moment, so....)   
**Colleen-** Heh, yeah, Hiko's kinda like Alucard from Hellsing- incredibly badass and awesome, but seriously bordering on unbearable! And oh, I think his fangirls are **_really_** enjoying themselves >=}   
**Misanagi-** Yes, you spelled it pretty much right, and it's really a morale boost whenever someone says the fic has helped their SDS =) Thanks for your praise de gozaru!   
**P-chanmisao-** Cool, us tanuki cosplayers gotta stick together! There were a lot of people supposedly dressed up as Kaoru at AX, but a lot of them just threw on any old kimono... lot of 'em really weren't all that great. But I guess not everybody goes by the same cosplay motto I do! "Anything worth doing is worth OVERdoing!" Actually, one year in the future, my sister and I are going to both cosplay as Kenshin, since we look enough alike that we get mistaken for twins a lot. She'll wear her rurouni costume, and I'll be decked out as Battousai ^_~ 

Lessee... sorry that this chapter's a tad short, but... it happens. And hark and beware! I turn 21 in 9 days, and will very likely have a couple of drinks at my birthday dinner. God, I hope I'm not as crazy with the mood swings when tipsy as Kaoru is! o_o; 

Oh! And I noticed something really funny while playing Chrono Cross! There's a guy you get in your party named Radius. He's an old guy, fights with his walking stick, used to be some kinda really skilled soldier. One of his special attacks is a battou-jutsu attack! (Well, so much as one could perform such an attack with a cane) I nearly fell off the sofa in hysterics =D 

Aaaaand, lastly, before I go to bed and pass out because I've only had about an hour of sleep in the past 36 hours.... Firefury's fanfic recommendations!   
Fantaisie Impromptu by Mae. I don't generally read a lot of AU stories, but this one is neat, and I think it's an original and entertaining new take on the characters, Kenshin especially.   
What Dreams May Come by Suiren. A post-Seisshouhen fic that makes you almost think it's going to be one of those tear-jerker, mope-around-for-a-week fics, but ends with a happy warm fuzzy feeling.   
And people, there's been a bunch of RK poetry going up lately, give some a read sometime! =) 


	18. Act 17: Run In on the Road

**Twisted Paradise**   
Act 17: Run-In on the Road

Disclaimer: Well, since my birthday has long since come and gone, and I didn't get a card from Watsuki-sensei giving me the rights to Kenshin, I'd have to say that I still don't own that redhead or his cohorts. Rats. 

Notes: Wheehee! Writing to cure my own SDS today!... And geez, I haven't even watched Seissouhen since like, March 2002. But I did just get the soundtrack, and man, even the music just oozes with angsty stuff. Actually, a lot of my depressiveness today is due to my boyfriend having to head back to New York after three weeks of him being out here in California ;_; Once I got back from the airport, I popped in my Seissouhen soundtrack, and that's just worked wonders on my mood, note sarcasm. So I sat down, flushed out the worst of my current angst with the poem With All Your Heart, and now I'm gonna do something productive de gozaru yo! Helps I've also had a serious overdose of RK this past week ^_~ Wanted the boyfriend in question to see some of the series, and in like, a week, we watched the 62 episodes that are the first season and the Kyoto arc. So... yes, on with the fic! 

The day had dawned cool and cloudy, with the promise of rain. Four people were walking the forest path, two of them hoping to find cover before the storm broke, and the other two beyond the reach of mere weather conditions.   
"Hurry up, Seta-kun! Unless you want to be stuck walking in the rain!" A young woman, clad in dark blue hakama and white kimono exclaimed over her shoulder to her traveling companion.   
"Hai, hai, Ayame-san! But I don't think we're going to beat the rain." Soujiro smiled and caught up with his female companion.   
"We won't if you don't get moving!" Ayame shot back with a grin. 

"It looks like it's going to rain, that it does." Shinta squinted at the clouds overhead. Kaoru nodded agreement, studying the foliage lining the path.   
"Ne, Shinta, when we were in Tokyo last, did you see Ayame-chan anywhere? Suzume-chan should be in Aizu still where Megumi had set up her clinic, but..." Kaoru inquired distractedly.   
"Oro?" Shinta glanced at his wife. "No, I didn't see her anywhere, come to think of it. Why?"   
"About a year ago she left, wanting to find out for herself what her Ken-niichan saw in traveling." Kaoru looked over at the rurouni. "I wonder how she's doing right now?"   
The pair continued in thoughtful silence until a pair of voices raised in laughter caught their attention.   
"Seta-kun! I TOLD you to watch out for that tree root! Now you've got mud all over yourself, baka!" A female voice nearby was saying between peals of laughter.   
"Oro-?" Shinta glanced in the direction of the sound.   
"That sounded like-!" Kaoru also looked in that direction.   
"I suppose I did, didn't I? I got careless while trying to outrun the rain, Ayame-san."   
"Hey! Don't peg your clumsiness on me!" Ayame retorted. "For a guy who supposedly nearly beat Ken-niichan, you're such a klutz, Seta-kun!" She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Come to think of it, Ken-niichan was pretty clumsy sometimes, too."   
The two ghosts exchanged boggled looks before heading for the source of the sound.   
The scene that greeted them was bizarre, to say the least. Ayame, all grown, was kneeling next to a rather large mud puddle, and a young man was sitting in the middle of it, looking suitably abashed, his face and clothing caked with the wet dirt.   
"Ayame-chan and-!" Kaoru gasped.   
"-And Soujiro?!" Shinta was floored.   
The young man's eyes narrowed suddenly and his smile vanished.   
"Ayame-san, we're being watched." He announced, all mirth gone from his tone.   
"Watched? By who?" Ayame glanced around, not seeing anything, but reaching for the bokken she was carrying.   
"I'm not sure." Soujiro stood up, looking around, one hand on the hilt of the sword he was carrying. While he was trying to do the serious bishounen-looking-around-for-danger thing, the mud covering his face and frontside was really ruining the effect.   
"Shinta, should we show ourselves?" Kaoru whispered to the redhead.   
"Let's wait a bit first." Shinta responded quietly.   
So they waited. Birds chirped, the sun ducked behind a cloud, and the rain finally hit.   
"Ne, Seta-kun, even if we are being watched, let's just go." Ayame muttered. "Before we both get completely soaked!"   
"Uh... hai." Soujiro gave the area one more confused look before he followed after Ayame, who had ducked out of the rain as best she could underneath a large tree. The two ghosts followed at a discreet distance and watched the unlikely pair get a fire going.   
"Who would have thought those two would ever hook up?" Kaoru shook her head in confusion. She'd heard the story from Sano about the so-called Tenken and his psychotic episode. "Do you think Ayame-chan is safe with him?"   
Shinta didn't respond immediately, his gaze locked onto the somewhat more matured countenance of the boy who had nearly kicked his cute little rurouni butt way back in the Kyoto arc. Soujiro still looked 'as wussy as he did', though his hair, while still kept neat, had been allowed to grow longer over the years. Actually, the redhead was surprised that Soujiro was still keeping his hair groomed, knowing from experience that it was a near-impossible task to do while traveling.   
"I think so." Shinta finally responded when he noticed Kaoru's increasing annoyance at his lack of a response. "Soujiro wasn't really a bad person. Just badly misguided."   
Kaoru nodded slightly. Even more than a decade later, Soujiro didn't look particularly threatening, she found it hard to believe that he was one of the best swordsmen in Japan. But then again, she had to remind herself, neither did Kenshin when she'd first met him.   
"Mou, Seta-kun, how do you plan to get all that mud off yourself?" Ayame surveyed the Tenken with a critical eye.   
"Shouldn't it just flake off once it dries?" Soujiro sweatdropped at the critique.   
"... Yes." Ayame looked annoyed. "And it'll probably stain your clothing beyond belief."   
Soujiro found himself again wishing he had some amazingly adorable little all-purpose noise like Himura-san's 'oro'. Instead, he changed the subject.   
"Ayame-san, somebody's still watching us. Isn't that a bit more important than the state of my clothing?" He glanced around again, trying to peg down the location and intent of whomever was watching them.   
Ayame glances at their surroundings thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't think whoever's there means any harm, Seta-kun."   
The mud-clad swordsman looked at her in surprise. "How do you know that?"   
"It doesn't feel like there's any danger." Ayame responded after a thoughtful moment of silence. Surprising the muddied Soujiro, she stood up by the little fire. "Ne, whoever's out there, why don't you show yourself? You've got to be soaked and freezing hiding in the bushes!"   
Shinta responded almost out of reflex, while Kaoru gawked in surprise.   
"I'm all right, Ayame-chan. Not even cold." The redhead grinned before he got clocked with a bokken.   
"Baka!" Kaoru fumed, earning surprised expressions from Soujiro and Ayame, who both heard the commotion clearly.   
"Oro!"   
Ayame was staring in shocked surprise in the direction the sound had come from. "Ken-niichan-?"   
"What happened to 'Let's wait a bit first'?!"   
"Kaoru-dono, calm down, that you should-!"   
"I am calm!"   
"Oro!"   
Soujiro frowned, trying to figure out where the hell Himura-san and whoever else it was were. The voices sounded almost right on top of their tiny camp. Ayame looked suitably confused/upset, too.   
"Himura-san-?" Soujiro inquired in confusion.   
The two ghosts contemplated their situation (once Kaoru let the poor rurouni get back up). Ayame looked about ready to burst into tears, having not seen her redheaded niichan in like, forever, and Soujiro just looked... confused. Totally and completely lost. Boggled, weirded out, et cetera you get the point.   
"Way to go, Shinta." Kaoru eyed the redhead. "You blew our cover, you get to explain it."   
"Oro..." Shinta sweatdropped.   
Much to Soujiro and Ayame's surprise, the embarrassed redhead came out of the bushes with a comical lump on his head, presumably from a bokken being introduced to his skull.   
"Himura-san?" Soujiro hadn't expected to see the Battousai ever again. But then, he also wasn't expecting the ecstatic squeal from behind him, or to suddenly be knocked over by Ayame, who was moving at a rate of speed that would put his own to absolute shame.   
"Ken-niichan!!" Ayame squealed, throwing herself at the poor redhead, who barely had time to catch her. "You came back!"   
Kaoru peeked out of the bushes as well and decided to come out of hiding as well. Partly out of curiosity about Soujiro. She'd heard plenty about the kid, but had never actually met him.   
"Oro-! Ayame-chan, your Ken-niichan needs air." Shinta squeaked between the young woman's hugs.   
Meanwhile, Soujiro picked himself up out of the mud for the second time that day. Himura and the woman with him appeared real enough, but something just didn't feel quite right. He couldn't pin down what, exactly, so he just smiled while Ayame finished greeting the pair.   
The group gathered around the makeshift campfire to catch up on things, take care of introductions, and dry out. Kaoru took particular delight in pestering Soujiro about his relationship with Ayame.   
"So... just how did you two meet?" Kaoru inquired.   
Ayame laughed, apparently glad the question had come up. "I was in Aizu visiting Megumi-san and Suzume, and Seta-kun came wandering in to get treatment for a cut on his neck."   
"You were injured?" The redhead turned a questioning look on the younger swordsman, who looked positively embarrassed. "What have you been doing all this time?"   
"Mostly wandering, Himura-san" Soujiro responded with an embarrassed grin.   
"Then how did you get so badly hurt you sought help-?" Shinta eyed the embarrassed Soujiro in confusion. Before he could reply, Ayame beat him to the punch.   
"Seta-kun wasn't hurt badly, but it was an injury that merited some treatment." She grinned. "He was fishing at a nearby river and messed up pretty badly!"   
The two ghosts exchanged confused glances and awaited an explanation.   
"Ano..." Soujiro looked profoundly embarrassed. "The hook went the wrong way and the only thing I caught that day was myself." He admitted sheepishly.   
Shinta sweatdropped and tried to picture the scene in his mind. Soujiro, smiling, preparing to cast a fishing line, and somehow bungling it up so badly that he injured himself in the process. _And I thought I had lousy luck fishing._ The redhead thought while sweatdropping.   
"When he introduced himself to Megumi-san, she must have recognized Seta-kun's name, because she froze and called Suzume to take care of him instead." Ayame recounted. "He said he was traveling, and since I was also traveling alone at the time, I asked where he was headed, and if he minded a little company."   
"It wasn't until later in the day that we found out we both knew you, Himura-san, and she wouldn't leave me alone after that." Soujiro smiled sheepishly, earning a whack across the head from Ayame.   
"You wouldn't leave me alone about Ken-niichan either, Seta-kun!" She scolded.   
"So... where were you headed?" Kaoru finally entered the conversation.   
"Nowhere in particular." Soujiro replied after a thoughtful moment. "I was thinking of visiting Tokyo, but Ayame-san told me that Himura-san wasn't there anymore, so we put it off for awhile."   
"What about you guys?" Ayame eyed Kaoru suspiciously. "You were really sick when I left, Kaoru-neesan."   
The two ghosts exchanged brief glances, wondering if they'd been found out, before Kaoru responded.   
"I'm all better now, Ayame-chan. Your Ken-niichan and I were headed back for Tokyo when we found you two." Kaoru grinned. "And speaking of Tokyo, Kenji-chan's back."   
Ayame's face lit up at mention of the younger redhead. "Really? That's great! I really missed the little guy!"   
Soujiro looked rather lost in the conversation until Ayame briefly reminded him that Kenji-chan was Ken-niichan and Kaoru-neesan's child, and that she'd told him all about the chibi redhead already and how much she'd enjoyed babysitting him.   
The conversation continued long after the rain had stopped, before Ayame had yawned and declared she was going to sleep.   
"Ne, Himura-san." Soujiro spoke softly so as not to rouse the softly snoring young woman who had found him a handy leaning post. "Thank you."   
Kaoru had also gotten drowsy, and was leaning on her rurouni, though not asleep. "What?"   
The redhead also looked suitably lost. "For what-?"   
"For making me see reality back then." Soujiro frowned slightly, recalling his battle against the Battousai. "If not for that, I wouldn't have found my answer." He glanced down at Ayame's sleeping face and smiled again.   
Kaoru sat up and regarded the pair. If Soujiro had indeed been a very dangerous swordsman in his teens, you'd hardly know it looking at him after years of travel. "You two are more than just traveling companions, aren't you?" She asked. "I saw the way you and Ayame-chan were looking at each other all evening."   
"We haven't done anything indecent, Kaoru-san!" Soujiro's eyes widened in surprised as he completely missed what she was getting at. He then got to experience a brief moment in the life of one Himura Kenshin, as a vein stood out on Kaoru's forehead and she introduced his head to her bokken, with a whispered war cry of "Hentai!" The poor guy cringed but didn't fall over, since he didn't want to disturb Ayame.   
"Ano, Kaoru-dono, was that really called for?" Shinta sweatdropped.   
"It's all right, Himura-san." Soujiro grinned, despite the comedic lump on his head. "But yes, Kaoru-san. Ayame-san and I are very good friends now, because of her I've learned a lot more than I did under Shishio-san."   
Soujiro then looked very seriously at the two ghosts. "And speaking of Shishio-san, you two haven't seen him, by any chance?"   
"Isn't he dead?" Kaoru looked confused. Soujiro eyed the pair in front of him with a slightly knowing grin.   
"Aren't the two of you?" He asked, smiling innocently.   
The two ghosts fell over, Shinta with an "Oro!"   
"You knew all along?!" Shinta stared at the younger swordsman, who smiled.   
"Not all along, Himura-san, but when Ayame-san asked about Kaoru-san's illness." Soujiro didn't seem too terribly fazed by the prospect of chatting socially with a pair of dead people. "You two should probably be going, shouldn't you? I'm certain ghosts shouldn't hang around for too long."   
The two ghosts nodded to each other slightly. Shinta stood up and eyed the sleeping Ayame. "Take good care of her, Soujiro." He told the younger swordsman softly. "When she finds out, she'll need comfort."   
"And Yahiko's absolutely useless in the that department!" Kaoru added. "So you'd better take good care of her, Seta Soujiro, or you'll never hear the end of it!"   
Soujiro sweatdropped and raised his hands in a placating manner. "Hai, hai, Himura-san, Kaoru-san. I promise to take very good care of Ayame-san!" He smiled softly. "Even if you hadn't told me to, I would."   
The two ghosts quietly bid Soujiro farewell and disappeared into the night.   
Or, rather, they would have, except that no sooner had they left the makeshift camp, a silky female voice interrupted them.   
"The boy hasn't done too bad for himself after all this time, has he?"   
Shinta spun around so fast he nearly fell over. Kaoru turned to see what had startled the rurouni so bad.   
A woman with dark hair and wearing an almost indecent off the shoulder kimono stood on the path, eyeing the two ghosts.   
"Y-Yumi-dono-?!" Shinta stared. Of all the dead people he'd expected to see, Shishio's woman was about as far from the top of that list as possible. Kaoru also eyed the woman warily. She recalled Kamatari mentioning Yumi, when the crossdresser was awaiting arrest after she and Misao had beaten him. So what _was_ Shishio's right-hand woman doing there?   
"I'm flattered you still remember me, Himura." Yumi smiled, obviously knowing something.   
"And what the heck are you doing here?" Kaoru demanded, ready to break out some leet Matrix-style bokken whacking if necessary. She doubted it would be required however- the woman was unarmed, and it was probably near impossible to maneuver beyond walking or running without that outfit falling open.   
"Yumi-dono, if you're here, that would mean Shishio is also around?" Shinta's tone had dropped several degrees.   
"No, not here." Yumi eyed the redhead. "He sent me to act as a guide for you once again."   
"Guide-?" Shinta's eyes narrowed.   
"Oh, don't get so worked up, Himura." Yumi waved a finger at the former hitokiri. "Shishio-sama sent me to extend an invitation to you, and your wife if she wants to come. He would like to speak with you about some things."   
Shinta was know thoroughly confused, but Kaoru spared him having to reply immediately.   
"What's that guy want with Shinta? Does he still want to fight, even though he's been beaten and is dead?" The raccoon girl glowered at Yumi.   
"Oh, Shishio-sama always enjoys fighting, but no, he's been over that for awhile now." Yumi leaned over to the pair and whispered conspiratorially. "Actually, I think Shishio-sama's gotten a little more insane since then, but it's a good sort of madness."   
"Oro-?"   
"What-?"   
Yumi smiled again and turned to leave, beckoning the pair. "Are you coming? Shishio-sama would most like to speak with you, Himura."   
The two ghosts exchanged glances before they warily began to follow Yumi.   
"Where is Shishio?" Shinta decided to break the uneasy silence.   
"Oh, Shishio-sama's been very busy." Yumi replied easily. "It's not easy ruling Hell, after all, especially with all the chaos there."   
THAT stopped Shinta and Kaoru both in their tracks.   
"Hell-?!"   
"What kinda trick are you trying to pull on Shinta and I?!" Kaoru demanded, about 0.5 seconds away from bokkening this crazy woman into the next era.   
"No trick." Yumi eyed Kaoru, wary of the girl's wrath. "Hell's nothing like the stories claim. You can come and go as you please, and sometimes things can be quite fun there."   
The trio resumed in silence, Shinta and Kaoru both thoroughly confused and worried now. 

But oh boy, they had no idea just _what_ they were going to discover. 

Author's notes: Okay, so the chapter took a bit longer to actually get out than I thought it would. But, blah. I'm sure you can all guess what's coming up _next_, ne? >=D I apologize very much in advance to everyone who's volunteered, because I highly suspect I'll not portray your personas quite the way you see them and all that. I'll try really hard though! As for Ayame and Soujiro, I wanted to do something a little bit different, so that's what happened =p In short, in my version of things, Suzume went to study medicine in Aizu with Megumi. Ayame also studied, but found it really didn't suit her, and she learned Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu under Kaoru and then Yahiko's direction. Then she got sick of waiting for her Ken-niichan to come back, so she went looking. Instead, she found Sou-chan, and the two hit it off ^_~   
I really want to thank everyone who's been reading and reviewing and putting up rather well with my madness.   
So... last order of business. Recommended reading!   
Firstly! GO READ "KAORU'S FANFICTION REMIX"! It has to do with the Rurouni Kenshin Reader's Choice fanfic awards ^_~ (Hint, hint!)   
And I also recommend Colleen's "A Meeting of Minds", which just recently updated! And I also recommend Calger459's "Prism", which has also recently updated with a chapter full of WAFFy goodness. (And a very light bit of citrus scenting =) I'd say some more stuff, but I'm currently sleep deprived and I think catching a cold, so I'm gonna stop while I'm still coherent ^_^;;; See you all next time, minna-san! 


	19. On the Other Side of the Fourth Wall

**Twisted Paradise**   
Act 17.5: On the Other Side of the Fourth Wall

Disclaimer: I still don't own the rights to Rurouni Kenshin. I do however have the right to say I just watched 31 hours of it in one sitting! And watched the hot springs scene like, 5 or 6 times in a row with some friends... ^^; Howled every time! 

Notes: GOMEN NASAI DE GOZARU YO! My muse seems to have taken off on me, and real life waltzed up to me, smacked me upside the head, and yelled "BAKA! You only have 12 days until Anime Expo and your Battousai costume isn't even DONE yet!" So, yeah, I'm taking the cheap way out for the moment with a dinky not-really-an-update chapter. I'll track my muse down after AX, I promise! Anyway, on to the off-the-wall filler episode! OOCness ahead! 

_ The trio resumed in silence, Shinta and Kaoru both thoroughly confused and worried now.___

_ But oh boy, they had no idea just _what_ they were going to discover.___

"How long have we been staring at that closing line?" Yumi crossed her arms in annoyance.   
"Since January 18th, 2003, according to ff.net." Kaoru responded from where she'd taken a seat. "Firefury's gotten to be one lazy author, hasn't she?"   
"I've been waiting since March LAST YEAR for the next chapter! Everybody KNOWS it's the chapter the fans are waiting for!" A voice complained loudly from offstage.   
"Ne, Shishio-san, I think some of the readers are waiting for the chapter where Saitou-san gets what for!" Soujiro smiled, eyeing the agitated villain.   
"I know I'm looking forward to that chapter, that I am!" Shinta beamed happily. "But it's not a good idea to rush an author..."   
"Maybe Firefury just needs a little reminder that we're all sitting here bored to death!" Kaoru gripped her bokken.   
"Let's go show that lazy bum of an author what for!" Yumi agreed.   
"Better than just wasting time here." Kaoru hopped to her feet. "Who's in?"   
A chorus of voices responded in an affirmative.   
A little pale-haired boy came charging through the set in a near-panic, a familiar and very spunky little girl chasing after him moments later, brandishing a stick threateningly.   
"Come back here!" Kumiko shouted, chasing after one panicked Haru.   
"I don't wanna! 'Tousan! Help!" Haru protested, darting past Shishio.   
A few moments later, one extremely bedraggled Enishi caught up to the energetic little kids. The ex-psychopath looked, frankly, like hell- a mudball lodged in his hair, dirt covering his attire, a few twigs and leaves caught on his stuff. Aoshi also finally caught up, not looking much better than Enishi.   
"Kumiko, would you please stop threatening to beat Haru-kun up?" Aoshi managed to say while catching his breath.   
Kumiko razzed her father and stormed up to Shishio, whom Haru was presently trying futilely to hide behind. (Probably thinking that the mummy would scare Kumiko off.) Shishio eyed the spunky little chibi with his best 'I'm an evil badass' look.   
Granted, it totally failed as Kumiko glared up at him. "Would you please move? Haru-kun said I couldn't fight because I'm a girl. So I gotta prove him wrong!"   
Shishio turned his evil badass glare on everybody else who was snickering at the total failure of his death glare on the little girl. "And if I don't move?"   
"Then I'll just hafta beat you first!" Kumiko declared, waving her stick for emphasis of her threat.   
"Who do you think would win?" Ayame whispered to Shinta and Kaoru.   
"Kumiko, easy." Kaoru smirked. "You haven't seen the damage she's capable off."   
"Kumiko, don't pick a fight with him-" Aoshi was about to stop the girl when the standoff broke, and the short little girl swung her broomstick, catching Shishio by surprise, not to mention catching him across both kneecaps with the solid chunk of wood.   
"Itai-!" The abused mummy man yelped as he toppled over, having not expected the child to actually attack, let alone be able to swing that stick so hard.   
"See that, Haru-kun? That's what happens when somebody challenges my broomstick!" Kumiko crowed, taking off after Haru again.   
"Shishio-sama! Are you all right?" Yumi was immediately at his side.   
"If that baka author would just write the rest of the story, Tori-ko wouldn't have so much free time to kill." Hiko noted dryly from the refreshments area, sake in hand.   
"Let's go." Yumi growled. 

Elsewhere, one frantic cosplayer was about to take drastic measures in preparing her prop swords. With the flick of a switch, the long disused device roared to life, the noise promising immense bodily harm to anything that got underneath the rapidly spinning bit.   
"Mwahahaha!" Firefury cackled, preparing her victim. She lifted the styrofoam sheet up to the drill press, and went to work.   
"Firefury Amahira, you are SO going to get it!" An angry voice declared from the direction of the driveway. "Come out now, or we're coming in!"   
"Oro-?" Firefury glanced in the direction of the voice, barely heard over the roar of the power tool. "Ano, who's there?"   
She shut the drill press off and wandered to the open portion of the garage.   
"Oro!" She yelped upon finding out who her 'guests' where.   
"Oro-!" Shinta yelped upon seeing the short figure absolutely covered in some powdery white substance.   
"... THIS is the author?" Yumi eyed the styrofoam-snow covered Firefury.   
"Uh... hai?" Firefury guessed, dusting herself off.   
Kaoru marched to the front of the group, bokken in hand. "Why haven't you worked on Twisted Paradise?!"   
Yumi also marched forward menacingly. "We've been waiting for more than FIVE MONTHS! Shishio-sama is getting tired of waiting! Especially when you don't make sure your original characters behave!"   
"Oro?" Firefury oroed.   
"Kumiko!" Aoshi declared. "She's completely wild when we're off camera!"   
"Um..."   
"Let me deal with this weak author." Shishio declared coolly, striding forward, sword in hand. (Though he winced with every step- he was still feeling that crack across the kneecaps Kumiko gave him.)   
"Oro!" Firefury yelped.   
"Work on Twisted Paradise- I want my chapter." Shishio leveled his badass evil guy look at the shrimpy girl. "Or else."   
"Kiiiya-! I can't! I've got so much to do and not enough time to do it in!" Firefury flailed. "Anime Expo is just 11 days away, and I still have to finish my fake swords, get my costume from the seamstress, wash my car, clean up the bathroom, pick up the game room, write my to-do list, burn some CDs, watch the rest of Shaman King..." She babbled, going through an extensive list of reasons why she couldn't work on Twisted Paradise until after something called Anime Expo.   
"Oro." Shinta stared. He couldn't make sense of more than half of the babble. He knew what Shaman King was- Firefury had recently gotten obsessed with it, and he was dreading what the inevitable fruit of that obsession would be, when coupled with her obsessed for his series.   
"That's no excuse!" Shishio bellowed, interrupting the author's babble, sword raised.   
"Um... I don't suppose you guys would just go back to waiting?" Firefury took a few steps backward, a sweatdrop rolling down the back of her head.   
"We've BEEN waiting!" Kaoru glared.   
"I'm sick of waiting!" Shishio took a step toward the panicked author.   
"Eeep!" Firefury intelligently declared, diving for one of her prop swords just as Shishio charged at her, murder clearly his intent. She sprang to her feet, the balsa wood weapon held defensively in front of her. "Stay away, I mean it!"   
Shishio had no apparent intent to follow author's orders. The rest of the mob cleared out to give the mummified madman some room (and to avoid accidentally getting hit themselves). "If you won't work on the damned story, I'll just end it here!"   
"Oro.... Shouldn't we try and stop him?" Shinta sweatdropped, eyeing the chaos about to commence.   
"You mean you don't want to get off easy?" Aoshi eyed the rurouni.   
"I don't know who I should root for." Kaoru admitted.   
Meanwhile, in the impromptu arena, Shishio charged again, sword drawing sparks from the concrete floor. Firefury eeped and blocked with her... ah.. sword, for lack of a better term.   
Well, the stupid thing was swordy enough in appearance... and that was about it. The fake weapon was sliced effortlessly in half and the author tried to dive frantically out of the way, spewing an impressive barrage of verbal abuse.   
"Oro!" Shinta's eyes widened at the increasingly vulgar torrent of abuse coming from Firefury, who was sprawled ungracefully on the floor. _That would be painful... that's just wrong... That isn't even physically possible!_   
Even Shishio seemed taken aback by the... inventive... things Firefury was saying. Kaoru and Yumi were both staring in wide-eyed shock, turning a nice shade of beet red at what Shishio was being told he could do, who and what he could do it with, where he could put it when he was done, and that he could swivel on it after that. Aoshi was covering Kumiko's ears, and Enishi had removed Haru from the area entirely.   
"Ano... what did he do to merit... that?" Shinta asked when the torrent of swearing was finally completed. Firefury slowly got to her feet, back to the group of disgruntled fanfic characters, the hilt end of her fake sword clutched in her right hand.   
"Do you have **any** idea how long it took me to build this?" She growled, holding up the broken weapon. "I have eleven days to get more wood, carve the blade, shape it, carve out the hilt, paint everything, and assemble it all. In addition to everything ELSE I still need to get done."   
Shishio recovered from being cussed out, and smirked. "You're the fool who tried to use that thing in a fight."   
"The sword isn't the only thing I'm pissed off about." Firefury commented, her voice having dropped to a low, decidedly unpleasant tone.   
"Oro?" Shinta squeaked from the sidelines. The author's ken ki (or 'swordsman's spirit' to you dubbies reading this!) had spiked, taking on a sinister form, all but visible around the girl.   
"I'm also pissed about you-" Firefury spun around, pure venom in her voice. "-hitting me in the FACE!"   
A collective gasp went up from the gathered characters at the messy cut Firefury was pointing at on the left side of her face.   
"Rats, I missed." Shishio seemed to completely miss the evil intent in the angry author's tone and glare.   
"You'll pay for this!" Firefury shrieked, throwing down the broken sword and grabbing her notebook. "Don't you worry... I'll work on the story, Shishio."   
"Then it's settled-" Shishio smiled wickedly.   
"AFTER Anime Expo." Firefury interrupted. "And you. Will. Pay."   
Shinta was suddenly quite glad he wasn't on the receiving end of the grey-hazel eyed glare Firefury leveled at Shishio. So was everyone else, for that matter. The fragile-looking girl scribbled something in her notebook and set it down, grabbing the nearest bludgeoning object.   
Which happened to be a twenty-pound sledgehammer. "Now GET OUT!" The crazed author lunged at Shishio, hammer in hand, and swung at the stupefied villain.   
.... And everybody thought Kumiko's broomstick had been painful. 

Some time later, after the Twisted Paradise cast finished dragging the seriously maimed Shishio off, Firefury's sister came into the garage.   
"That bastard cut my face!" Firefury ranted while working on fixing her prop sword.   
"Look at it this way, Aneki-" One, her sister, pointed out. "You won't need to use makeup for the scar for your Battousai cosplay this year."   
"IMOUTO NO BAKA!!!!!" 

Closing notes: Yeah... that was bad. ^_^;;;; Gomen. Yes, I used a drill press on styrofoam, and yes, it does make a huge mess. No, I do not have a facial scar (thankfully!), and no, neither of my prop swords have been broken. Yes, I will be sure to post pictures of my costume, and yes, I do oro that much in real life. (Actually, I think I oro more than that in real life!)   
And who knows, Gochan and I might be meeting up at Anime Expo. Who knows what madness may spring forth from two authors meeting while under the influence of anime overdose? >=} 

See you all after AX! 


	20. Act 18: Hijinks of Heaven and Hell: Part...

**Twisted Paradise**   
Act 18: Hijinks of Heaven and Hell - Part One

Disclaimer: Still haven't gotten those legal documents in the mail giving me the rights to Kenshin, so... yeah. Not mine, not making money, please don't sue! 

Opening notes: Waugh! Gomen nasai! Gomen nasai! *bows and apologizes all over the place* Tracking down my muse after Expo turned out to be a very big hassle ;_; But then, a ray of inspiration came down from the heavens and kicked me in the butt! (Okay, so one of my friends saw Seissouhen for the first time today...) So yes, without further ado, the much awaited Hijinks chapter! My revenge on Shishio for events in Act 17.5, and starring many of you guys who volunteered to risk having your personalities butchered for my own twisted purposes ^_^; Many thanks, guys! 

Shinta and Kaoru stood at the edge of the cliff and stared in slack-jawed shock at the scene playing out before them. Yumi stood off to one side, restraining herself from laughing outright at the stunned pair. Call it morbid curiosity, but the two ghosts had decided to follow Yumi and find out just what the hell was going on.   
Below them spread fire blasted plains and jagged black mountains, the non-sky a deep red, the 'sun' a baleful red circle that provided neither light nor warmth, warping shadows and generally providing a rather stereotypical impression of the underworld.   
Granted, there didn't seem to be any tormented souls yowling for release, but rather two large armies rushing to meet one another far below. One group was toting a plain red banner, the other group hoisting a flag bearing a comical caricature of Shishio with a giant red slash through it. The faintly obnoxious sound of bagpipes carried on the stale air, along with rhythmic clanks and hissing steam. A two-legged contraption best described as the bastard child of a Gundam and a steam-powered locomotive strode forward, a pair of large catapults mounted across its shoulders.   
"Ano... just what IS all that?!" Kaoru managed to inquire through her surprise. Yumi chuckled obnoxiously.   
"That is what Hell is all about. An unending game played for supremacy! After all, everyone is dead, so nobody gets hurt! They-" she gestured to the force with the red-slashed Shishio banner. "-are against Shishio-sama."   
With a loud rumble, a pair of boulders were loaded onto the mecha's catapults below, though how the boulders got from point A to point B was a mystery from the cliff, and with a steam-powered hiss, the mighty weapons fired, lobbing twin objects of cartoonish squishy death at Shishio's forces. At about the same time, a group of said forces charged forward and attacked the mecha, which fell over face-first in a massive cloud of steam shortly thereafter. It would almost be comedic if it wasn't a war the likes of which neither Kaoru nor Shinta had seen.   
"Who... is in charge right now?" Shinta asked, a stern look on his face as he watched the non-slaughter playing out below.   
"Well, it does change hands fairly often." Yumi looked thoughtful as she watched the antics below. "Sometimes Shishio-sama is in charge, sometimes it's those brats, and sometimes people change sides for the hell of it."   
Everybody cringed at that one.   
"Those brats?" Kaoru tried to survey the anti-Shishio forces.   
"A bunch of people who rather dislike Shishio-sama, led by a couple of white barbarians." Yumi eyed the same group disdainfully.   
"White barbarians?" Shinta and Kaoru both boggled at Yumi.   
"Oh, I'm sure you'll see them. To go see Shishio-sama, we'll have to go through their camp."   
"What?! You mean they're just gonna let us walk right through?" Kaoru stared in disbelief at Yumi, quite certain the immodestly dressed woman was totally insane.   
"It's not as though they can kill us." Yumi pointed out matter-of-factly. "It's an odd relationship, at best. Yes, we are constantly fighting, but without them, ruling Hell would get so very boring. Shishio-sama thrives on conflict, and is quite happy with the back-and-forth warfare."   
"If you say so..."   
Yumi led the pair down a narrow path along the cliff face. As they got closer to the battlefield, more varied and interesting sounds carried to them.   
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!" A short, pale woman clad in... well, very little... cackled from atop her perch on the toppled mecha. "FOR THE GREATER GLORY OF...... good? Evil? HEY! Which one are we this time?"   
"We're the good guys this time, Imouto. Could you get off the cockpit hatch now please?" A female voice yelled from somewhere within the steam-powered mecha. The battle was playing out to a background soundtrack that was, quite frankly, the most obnoxious sound ever. Polka music. Played on bagpipes.   
"That would be the barbarian I mentioned earlier." Yumi noted dryly. The scantily clad woman on the mecha had a vein bulge visible even at that distance, and jumped high into the air, landing squarely in front of the group.   
"I heard that, you lazy bum who can't be bothered to walk around in anything other than a bathrobe!" The scantily clad woman pointed the Finger of Accusation at Yumi.   
"For the last time, it's a KIMONO! And it covers more than what YOU'RE wearing!" Yumi bristled at the comment.   
"You're just jealous that I'm sexier than you'll EVER be! OOHOHOHO!" The newcomer smirked.   
"Orororo..."   
"Shinta, why is you nose bleeding?" Kaoru eyed the redhead for a moment before it clicked.   
"HENTAI!!" As one, both Kaoru and the scantily clad woman delivered unto poor Shinta the Offended Anime Female Smack of Much Pain, also sending the poor rurouni flying into the thick of the chaos below.   
"ORO!!!!"   
Yumi sighed and shook her head. "Well, it's a good thing Himura can take care of himself. Come along, Kaoru-chan, let's go find him."   
"... Chan?" Kaoru's eyebrow twitched.   
"Yes, that's what I said." Yumi started down the path again. "If you want to track your husband down after so easily punting him, you'd best hurry, Kaoru-CHAN." She smirked, putting lots of emphasis into the '-chan'. One could almost hear the angry cat noises.   
"Don't call me chan!" Kaoru took a swing at the woman with her bokken. Unfortunately for her temper, the older woman sidestepped, apparently accustomed to such tactics.   
"... Oi, isn't that Yahiko's line?" A familiar voice stopped Kaoru dead in her tracks. She whirled to the side to see a familiar lanky figure, fishbone in mouth, hair defying gravity, and a weapon indicating compensation held casually across his back.   
"AAAAH!!!" Kaoru nearly jumped ten feet in the air. "You're supposed to be alive still!"   
"Oi, Jou-chan, all universes connect to the same Hell." The Sano-lookalike grinned. "Yeah, the Sano you know is alive an' kicking, maybe getting some foxy lovin'-" He stopped when Kaoru's glare started to carry the threat of bokken beatdown. "Anyway, y'could just say I'm from an alternate universe where none of the guys are straight."   
Kaoru blinked uncomprehendingly at the red-clad Sano. "... You're GAY?!"   
"No, that's part of why I'm dead."   
Kaoru decided not to think about this too much. "So... who's side are you on?"   
Sano glanced at the battlefield. "Either or. Whichever one's winning at the moment."   
"Useless freeloader." Yumi muttered under her breath. 

Meanwhile, Shinta impacted hard with the lump of metal that was the steam powered mecha. The battle had since moved beyond the trashed piece of machinery, though a female voice still emanated angrily from inside the contraption, cursing loudly about the hatch being stuck. "Oororo..."   
"Ano..." Another female voice roused the rurouni from his swirly-eyed state. "Hi there... your kimono is falling open..."   
Before the former hitokiri could figure out what was going on, somebody pounced him from behind at Fangirl Speed and... touched him.   
"ORO!!!!!!" The rurouni jumped some twenty feet in the air, and found himself surrounded by a group of women, and one very girly looking guy.   
"You must be new to Hell!" A girl with red-brown hair smiled at the flabbergasted rurouni. "You poor thing, all alone in this mess! I'm Kan Shourin! Nice to meet you. ^_^" Don't ask the author how the girl is able to speak emoticon.   
"Oro... hai... " Shinta found himself fighting off a very serious sense of imminent doom.   
"I'm Valerie!" The first girl who spoke (and tried to unsheathe the rurouni's *ahem* sword) beamed. "So tell me, how do you feel about mummy men?"   
"Ano... mummy men?" Shinta squeaked. _Kaoru-dono, help!_   
"Like that Shishio bastard." The third girl spoke up. "Jennifer Li! We're part of the Anti-Shishio coalition!"   
"I'm not terribly fond of Shishio, that I am not." The rurouni noted, hoping the conversation was turning away from the very frightening prospect of fangirl attack.   
"Sweet, he's on our side!" The only guy in the group giggles, eyeing Shinta in a manner that reminded the redhead of a merchant sizing up his wares.   
"Let's welcome the new guy into the ranks then, hrm?" Jennifer grinned wickedly at the redhead, who instinctively began to back away.   
"HEY! Lemme out!" The female voice from inside the mecha was accompanied by pounding on the metal interior. "No fangirl-mobbing hot bishounen without ME, fragitall!"   
"Oro..." Shinta started to look frantically for a way out. Ogling cute, scantily clad girls was one thing. Getting mobbed and... um... played with... by a group of rabid pervert fangirls was another entirely. Speaking of said rabid perverts, they were closing in on him rapidly, and the crumpled heap of the mecha was cutting off his retreat path.   
"Damnitall, lemme out or I'll let myself out!" The female voice from inside the mech yelled before the sound of some sort of firearm being loaded echoed from within the machine.   
"Stephanie, don't-!"   
***BOOM!***   
The pervert squad scattered at the explosion, and an irate brown-haired girl stormed from the wreckage, gigantic firearm propped against her shoulder.   
"Stephanie-san! The battle is going well at the moment!" A new arrival ran up to where a dazed Shinta was trying to figure out just what the hell was going on.   
"Raijirou-san! Great to hear! I just broke up the hentai squad here while getting outta my rustbucket." The mecha pilot patted the crumpled mecha fondly.   
"You broke it again?!" Raijirou's head impacted with the metal contraption in frustration. "Who's the new guy?"   
"Got me." Stephanie gave Shinta a hand up. "Who are you, anyway?"   
"Himura Shinta..." The dazed rurouni answered. "Ano... I was just visiting, but got separated from my guide."   
"Guide? Oyie, probably Shishio's woman. What's that mummified bastard want with you?" Stephanie leaned against her huge gun.   
"That mummified bastard probably wants to try and talk newbie here into helping his side out." Raijirou sweatdropped. "I'll head back to the front lines, why don't you take Shinta-san and find Yumi." With a final headbang against the battered mecha, Raijirou ran off.   
"Yare yare..." Stephanie crossed her arms and shot a glare at the scattered fangirls. "Well, Himura-san, let's go find yer guide lady."   
"Ano... if you're against Shishio so violently, why are you being so cooperative?" Shinta found his voice and asked.   
"Why not? Everybody down here's already dead, the entire war for Hell is more like a gigantic chess game. Sometimes my crew is in charge, sometimes Shishio's is, sometimes we're on the same team against somebody else. S'lotta fun." The brunette beams. "Especially for people who thrive on conflict and strategy and combat and stuff."   
"Ah... I see." Shinta boggled. So far, the equation was looking to him like 'Dead people + Hell + unending fighting = a lot of very crazy people'.   
As the pair made their way toward the Anti-Shishio encampment, a small troop ran past, led by an all-too-familiar figure wearing a black hat. Shinta damn near froze, a weapon materializing at his side. "Him-!"   
Stephanie glanced back. "Him who? Oh, Mr. Psycho Killer Blackhat Dude? Dun worry 'bout him. He's working for my group this time around. A real loose cannon though. C'mon, it'll be easier to track down Yumi from camp."   
"Hai..." Shinta hoped that Kaoru was all right. 

"I could swear Himura-san came down near this piece of junk." Yumi kicked the crumpled mecha disdainfully. "I suppose those barbarians will find him and send him my way soon enough."   
"Send him your way?!" Kaoru fumed, barely held back from decking the woman by the alternate reality Sano.   
"What I mean is we won't likely find him by wandering around here, Kaoru-chan." Yumi shook her head at the temperamental woman. "The first place they'd ask is at Shishio-sama's base camp, so you might as well wait there."   
Kaoru froze. Go with this annoying woman, to the base camp of one of her husband's greatest opponents, by herself? "Why don't I just tie my wrists and ankles and declare myself a hostage!" She growled. "Do you think I'm going to fall for that and let this lunatic use me against Shinta?!"   
"That isn't why Shishio-sama wanted to speak with Himura-san in the first place." Yumi recites in annoyance. "Is all you ever think about fighting and ulterior motives? Shishio-sama only wishes to ask Himura-san a question, nothing more. He has greater things to deal with than some washed up former swordsman!"   
"Why you-!"   
Sano couldn't hold Kaoru back after that shot, and Yumi got smacked in the back of the head with a bokken.   
From the looks of things, the war zone was rapidly going to hell. Pun intended. 

Closing notes: Oh dear... this was originally going to be a single chapter, but trying to work it that way would just be awkward, so I'm breaking it into a Part One and Part Two (I don't think I'll need to make a Part Three o_o;). Not all of the guest characters have made their appearance yet, and to those who have, I apologize profusely, for I am certain I have not portrayed any of you guys to your satisfaction. Sano, you were particularly hard to work into it, given that the real Sano is still alive and kicking =p Luckily my sister popped up with the idea that "Hey, have him be from a bad AU yaoi fanfic!", which I then tweaked to be... ah.. not quite so blunt. I also offer profuse apologies to Val, J.Liha, and JK the Nuriko Worshipper, who's characters ended up being the scary hentai squad. I also apologize if anybody is offended by some of the slightly racist insults flung by Yumi. For the record, she's basically calling me and my sister 'white barbarians', not anybody else =p (Yeah, that's my sister with the OOOHOHOHO laugh and the battle bikini. I'm the baka with the easily-trashed steam-powered giant mecha thingie.) Oh yeah, Sasura-san, you never specifiied (that I can recall) if Raijirou is a guy or a girl, so I skirted the issue entirely. Hope y'don't mind ^^;;; 

Anyways, stay tuned, hopefully the next chapter won't take me nearly a year to write! ._.;;;;;; 


End file.
